Instinctual

I'm a mom.  I'm a nurse.  I have guided instincts that speak.  I have a self-conscience that shushes.

Monday morning Adley awoke first thing with a fever of 102.  I'm not one to panic, I'm not one to medicate, I'm not one to call the doctor over much of anything.  By afternoon it was over 104.  This went on all of Monday, all of Tuesday and all of Wednesday.  She was extra sleepy but not lethargic, nursing but not taking any solids.  She was sweet, snugly, needy, and hot to the touch.  A high fever for 3 days.  No other symptoms.  No runny nose, no vomiting or diarrhea, no cough, no pulling on ears, nothings, just a high fever and a sleepy, not hungry baby.  

The nurse in me spoke up.  "After assessing the clinical presentation of our patient I have come to the conclusion that this is either a virus, likely Roseola, or a UTI.  In case it's a UTI, she needs to be looked at.  An untreated UTI can spread to the blood making a young baby very ill and can also scar the kidneys.  We don't want to put her at risk now do we?"

The mom in me, the little timid voice of instinct, waited for her chance to say her peace.  "She's fine.  Adley is just fine.  I know this little baby, I know her well Ms. Nurse, and you need to trust me on this, no good will come from the doctor.  Let the fever do it's work and ride it out.  Trust me, I just know."

Nurse speaks again, "What if you're wrong?  Don't you want peace of mind?  How would you feel if it was something serious and you neglected getting her the medical care she needed?  Are you aware that a silent fever without any other symptoms is far more worrisome than a symptomatic fever?  Are you????!!!!!"

This battle waged for much of Wednesday.  At 4:30pm the nurse won and I called the nurse line of our Pediatrician's office.  As soon as I left the message a felt the pang of regret.  Of course they were going to call back and want her seen based on her age alone. It wasn't until I left that message that I realized I had no intention of taking her before I even called. 

They didn't return my call until after hours and told me Adley needed to be seen in urgent care tonight.  I rolled my eyes over the phone, angry with myself for setting this ball into motion.  I had another choice to make.  Was I going to take her?

I did.  The first urgent care clinic assessed her and came to my exact conclusion.  Virus or UTI.  They didn't have the equipment to catheterize such a small baby so we were sent to yet another clinic, 20 minutes away. I was able to drop Elyse at a friends because Matt was out of town and made my way to the after hours pediatric care clinic.  I was given another chance to trust myself and just take us all home.  Adley had no urinary symptoms at all but the nurse in me won again because I feared given her calm, content disposition maybe I wouldn't be able to tell.

The entire ordeal from phone call to getting her back home into her bed was almost 5 hours.

In those 5 hours Adley was held down through exhausted tears (it was well after bedtime) to have her blood drawn and a catheter inserted to obtain a sterile urine sample.  It was awful.  It could have been a lot worse but it was terrible enough for me.  I would rock her to sleep in that tiny little room just before someone would walk back in to poke at her once again.  She was a trooper, she really was.  The staff at both clinics commented on what a good baby she was, attempting smiles through her struggles, not willing to be angry at anyone.  She was sweet.  She was my Adley.

Her urine and blood work came back "beautifully" as the doctor put it.  "A virus, probably Roseola, and I'm relatively certain you'll see a rash surface in the next couple of days."

She was fine.  A virus, yes, but nothing anyone could do anything about.  That little voice was right.  The voice that is so often scared to speak up and be heard but still manages to say her peace.  

I tied the hands of the medical profession by making that first call.  I also tied my own hands.  They couldn't ignore me, and being the one that called, I felt I shouldn't ignore them.  Adley paid the price.  Sure I left with "peace of mind" that a raging infection wasn't going to spread from her urinary tract into her blood and also scar her kidneys but if I'm honest with myself, I expected no other results to be given.

I learned a lot on Wednesday.  

I've often heard the phrase, "Go to the Throne before you go to the phone".  It's a very wise saying for many instances, but especially for me this week.

Evidence in photos she didn't feel good.......

 Hoping the snuggly bug sticks!