I'm a siren

It was bimonthly Tuesday time this afternoon where the babysitter arrived and it was time for me to head to the Pregnancy Center. Elyse saw our sitter and said, "Mommy go bye bye". She didn't say it cheerfully but she wasn't upset either. As a side note, that's one thing that has always been nice and easy about her, you can leave her with just about anyone anywhere and she is content in exploring the new surroundings and people. This time something was a little sad in her tone. The way she said "bye bye" and the look on her face made me sad I was leaving. In that moment I felt bad I was leaving. I quickly reminded myself that it isn't all about her. I'm also needed elsewhere and that is something I cannot deny just because she frowns, in fact, I wish I could offer more. I hope one day she will understand.

As I was gathering my things to go I asked her if she knew why I was leaving. She said, "Mommy go help people". I truly felt my heart skip a beat. She's getting it to the point a 22 month old can. She proceeded to talk about sirens and how they help people too, so perhaps she thinks I'm a fire truck of sorts, who knows.

I wish I could express the passion I feel behind pregnancy crisis center ministry. I wish I could share stories and request prayers for these intense situations but openly on a blog I
am not able to. It isn't just about preventing babies from being aborted, it's about introducing a Jesus that these people have never met and changing families for generations. With each client that walks through the door my heart aches, literally hurts, for wanting
them to know my Jesus. I want to bring them home, give them rooms in my house that don't exist and shelter them from obstacles and hangups I've never been faced with. I want
to have days and weeks to lavish love on people who have never experienced it. I want desperately to see these broken people made whole and shattered lives restored. I'm given mere minutes and they are gone again and I cling to the hope that they will be back.

I say "I" in the above paragraph a lot. What "I" want in the situation and for them, but in saying "I", it's only in the sense that these are Gods kids and He wants them back. That's what "I" mean. I'm not very good at viewing everyone like I should and I pray that changes in me. I pass judgement and can be overly critical. Thoughts cross mind I should be ashamed of and have no business thinking about the splinter in other eyes when I have a plank in my own. But these people that come in through those doors, it's truly as though I see them like God sees them. My passion, my love and my pain are so real and so close to my soul it's almost as though it's a supernatural experience. He does that. It's undeniable and insatiable. I want it to consume how I see everyone. I want to possess that in every situation. I want to be courageous for Him, obedient to His leading, and possess His wisdom to be capable. Twice a month I feel like I possibly could be. That just isn't enough.

But to my little girl, her mommy left her to help people today. I'll keep working on the rest. I need to be a siren in this world that has so much noise competition stealing what doesn't belong to it.