At first I didn't think anything of it, "She always seems to be looking past us, at something over our shoulders", I calmly answered. Even as I spoke the words I realized this likely wasn't heading anywhere good. I quickly picked up on the change in tone in our trusted doctors voice as she turned off lights and grabbed different tools to encourage Adley to focus. A little concerned with the results, we were referred to a Pediatric Opthamologist and have an appointment next week.
We don't know what this means or if it means anything at all. Can she see at all? Is she blind in one or both eyes? Perhaps her eye muscles haven't developed yet. Maybe she will need an eye patch over her left eye to encourage her right eye to strengthen, we just aren't sure.
I know better than to worry ahead but it's hard. It's my child. I desire the best for both of them. I began blaming myself. Did I not eat enough DHA even though it was in the prenatal vitamins I took everyday? Did I push myself too hard during the move? I found myself hurting for her even though we really didn't know anything.
I hid my concern in that small sterile room and choked back tears to keep Elyse from worrying, but once we got home and I looked at Adley's sweet little face and innocent gaze panning the room, I couldn't hold back. I cried. I called Matt at work to let him know about the visit. His steady voice reassured me that he is my solid and soft place to land, but the edge of concern in his voice let me know I wasn't worrying alone.
By the end of the day I resolved that regardless of anything we find out next week, she is perfect. She is ours and we are equipped.
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2 comments:
Having dealt with many specialists ourselves... take a deep breath and try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done, but stressing out over the unknown can often escalate an already stressful situation. Adley is beautiful, happy and healthy! She's a month old, so perhaps her eye muscles aren't quite developed yet or perhaps there is some other simple reason. Please don't blame yourself... I went through blaming myself for Bella's torticollis and plagiocelphy. I actually blamed myself for having a short torso! Crazy, I know! We're the bearer of these gifts and we do the very best we can to take care of them before they arrive. Let me know if there's anything you need or if you need a shoulder to cry on. xoxoxo
Thank you Kim!!!!
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