11 Days Without You

I've had a lot of soda in my life.  A lot.  I don't ever remember not having access to 2 liters at any point of my childhood or the canned version as an adult.  I've had soda daily since as far back as I can recall.  There were times in both pregnancies I limited it, but with the okay from my OB with Elyse and my Midwife with Adley, I consumed a "safe" amount of caffeine even then.

In trying to switch to as many whole foods as possible, I decided it was time to say goodbye to my old friend Diet Mountain Dew.  This was a close friend getting me through the overnight shift as a nurse or the pleasant afternoon pick-me-up after a long day.  I looked forward to the "pop" the can made when it opened and a morning hadn't truly begun until it's fizz tickled my throat.

Elyse and I talk a lot about food these days.  What's really in certain things.  Why we get a balloon at the grocery store instead of the free cookie.  What are green light verses read light foods, etc.  One morning she asked me if my soda was healthy and it hit me all at once.  No.  It's nothing but a can of chemicals that does no good for my body at all.  It had to go.

I thought of switching to coffee or tea but I decided to try cold turkey on caffeine and soda altogether.  The first 24 hours were easy, so easy.  Far too easy that it gave me the false sense that it wouldn't be difficult for me at all.  The following week was a little harder.  I felt groggy and had a constant headache.  I craved the citrus carbonation and when the headaches got bad it was often a challenge not to reach for the thing I knew would ease it.  Matt (who doesn't drink soda or caffeine) was very encouraging, even bought me flowers after the first couple of days to glance at when I got a hankering for the Dew.

Once the headaches subsided the grogginess really set in.  Now, at the close of day 11, I can say I feel entirely normal without it.  I don't crave it, I don't want it, I don't miss it.  Will I ever drink caffeine again?  Yes.  I'm sure at some point I probably will, but it won't be a part of my lifestyle or a necessity of my day.  I'll own it, it won't own me.

While I was doing some reading this morning I read this, "Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or removes your relish for spiritual things-that is sin to you."  Susanna Wesley

That statement alone made me realize I have more sin than I was owning up to.  What's sin to me may not be sin to someone else and it's high time I stopped allowing that to be an excuse.

Sometimes I allow black and white to become gray for me.  Sometimes gray does exist.  Sometimes it's black and I fool myself into thinking I can keep it in the gray.  Reading that definition of sin today while learning about the Holy Spirit and my conscience shed light on a few areas that needed some sunshine.  That definition removes a lot of gray for me.  It allows me to call out questionable areas in my life as sin and nothing shy of it.  That's hard to swallow but also freeing.

When I was deciding to and finally stopped drinking caffeine, I was hesitant, afraid I couldn't do it or it would be too hard.  Without meaning to, very casually, two close friends helped in such a simple way.  One said, "If you can do P90X and Insanity then you can surely give up soda!"  The other said, "If you can have two kids with no pain meds, one of them in a bath tub, then you can handle caffeine withdrawals!"  Those were two statements that were so empowering.  I cower over change sometimes, doubting what I'm really capable of.

If I can clean up soda out of my life, I can tidy up a few other things as well.