40+2

I'm officially two days past my due date.

We had a rather lengthy, significant false alarm on Tuesday, my actual due date. I started having contractions around 10am and they continued and increased over the next several hours. By 1pm I was sure this was it and had Matt come home from work and my mom come to watch Elyse. By 2pm we were headed to the birthing center, excited and laboring!

When I got there I was 5cm which was only a slight change from my 3-4cm check on Friday. Baby and I were assessed and doing great so we were given the green light that something was brewing but we could do as we pleased. Matt and I opted for a long walk on the beach a few miles away. It was a wonderful way to labor. Contractions were steady and definitely present. Around 5pm we decided to go eat. We chose a waterside seat at The Columbia and I got my favorite 1905 salad, a Cuban sandwich and some yummy flan.  I ate well thinking I was in for a long labor. Once we finished I was having hard contractions but they were spacing out. We headed back to the center where I showered. I labored a little longer, they were regular but not increasing in strength or frequency. By 7:30pm they were not much more than the Braxton Hicks contractions I've had for months. At 8pm the midwife checked me and I was still 5cm!!!!!

All that time, all those contractions and no change!?!?! I didn't know what to think. Once the reality of the situation set in that I was not in true labor and we would not be leaving with a baby that day I started crying and the tears just flowed. I was confused, embarrassed and untrusting of my own body. Did I just cry wolf? Were the pains not real? Now I've dirtied this birthing room and bed for nothing, called out the troops and interrupted schedules. Would people believe me when I said it was time again?  Would I even know when it was time again? 

We packed up and headed home around 9pm. Contractions had completely stopped. It was a strange drive. I was exhausted from the emotional high and low of the day and leaving without her just felt strange. Even in my selfish disappointment and embarrassment, beneath all of that, there was a true and unexplainable peace about it, the peace Philippians 4:6-7 talks about that surpasses all understanding when I cast my anxieties on Him.

I didn't handle it right though, I didn't proceed to Philippians 4:8 where I think about whatever is good and worthy of praise, and there is oh so much.  I wallowed and moped around most of the day yesterday as the phone calls, emails and text messages came pouring in wanting to know if there was a baby yet. Explaining it wasn't "real" labor, perhaps "stalled" labor, no baby, no, we had no idea when things would start again. Intervention minded people wondered how in the world you go home at 5cm and had I been at a hospital I wouldn't have. Pitocin would have been used and if that had failed there would have been a Cesarean. She would have had a forced birthday. I can't express the thankfulness I have that that did not happen.
Today I awoke differently and I feel so much calmer and more at peace once I truly surrendered the anxieties I was having about it.  He is still knitting her and His work is not yet complete.  It's that simple. 

Since then I've heard story after story of other moms that this has happened to.  I just didn't hear these stories before because most people do deliver in hospitals and one way or another she would have been born that night and the labor would have never been regarded as false or stalled so no one would have been the wiser that this could have happened to anyone.  With each story I heard I felt more confident in the process and less like something was wrong with me.

The staff at the birthing center has been so supportive and have become like family to me, along with my mom here helping me and Matt being more than I could have hoped for in this, I'm feeling good as the time continues to pass.  This false alarm has made her more anticipated than before and perhaps that was the idea all along, she would like to make a grand entrance with everyone on their toes.

It is still hard feeling like a watched pot but now that it's been a couple of days I think we all realize the labor didn't just stall, it stopped or was never really active in the first place. 

I had a regularly scheduled prenatal visit this morning and all is still well with both of us.  The conversation was a little different because we had to start the planning stages for what will happen if I'm still pregnant come Tuesday and next Friday.  I'm scheduled for two non-stress tests and a biophysical profile next week if she hasn't arrived.  I didn't have the opportunity to have those conversations with Elyse, so although going post-dates isn't new to me, getting the opportunity to go to 41 and 42 weeks if needed is.  We still have plenty of time and my time is in His hands (Psalm 31:15).