The Power of an Apology

The details of the situation aren't what matter but I'll give a brief history.

About 6 years ago, give or take a year, I found myself going through one of the hardest trials of my life.  Things were changing and fast.  Much, if not all, of it was not a desire of mine or anything I planned on encountering or enduring.  However, decisions had been made over several years that I was very much a part of which caused the slow fade leading up to the place I found myself in.  Life as I knew it was being uprooted and completely turned upside down.  Other situations added to the intensity, my mother was hospitalized and my dad and I were going through some difficulties on our own as well.  I had never felt more lost or alone and my faith and relationship with God were definitely suffering as well.  I allowed myself to be pulled into a full-blown identity crisis. 

I was a mess.  I lost close to 15 pounds during that time and was not coping well.  I was hurting in so many different ways.  The point I want to make is that I was not acting right.  Many of my actions were not thought out and were unhealthy reactions rather than careful decisions.  Emotions were high, the situation was intense and I ended up in multiple confrontations with the people involved where my actions were as toxic as my pain.

The situation slowly tapered off and I began to rebuild my life.  I moved not only houses but cities, started a new job, made new friends, reconciled with my dad, joined a new church.  God used that low point in my life to establish my need to be solely reliant on Him.  I sought out His perfect love which provided a healing and sustainability that I will never be without and that will endure any trials to come.  I forgave the past and those involved, fell in love with God and moved on fresh and new on stable, unshakable ground. 

However, I never fully forgave myself for the way I handled myself or the situations during that time.  I didn't represent myself well at all and feelings are not an excuse for inappropriate actions.  Time has helped suppress those wounds but I hadn't claimed the full-circle of God's redeeming grace.

Last week a girl involved in the situation contacted me on Facebook wanting to apologize for her actions from years ago.

I couldn't believe it!  She had carried the guilt and shame as well and it had been put on her heart to apologize and make things right. 

I immediately wrote her back and a weight I hadn't even realized the heaviness of, was lifted as soon as I hit "send". 

A total of over 15 different messages have been sent back and forth since then and we're finding ourselves in a very unlikely friendship of sorts.  We seem to have a lot in common and I'm truly enjoying our conversations.
What will become of it?  Who knows, but that isn't what matters.

What matters is listening to our nudges often guided by the holy spirit.  It just goes to show the power of an apology, the peace you find in forgiveness, the joy that comes with grace, the freedom God wants us to claim over accepting those gifts, and that our past is our character building history that when used wisely and given to God, can be used to direct our paths not slump our shoulders.

The whole thing has just touched me so much.  I'm thankful she listened.  I wish I had sooner.

*Disclaimer:  No home-wrecking or infidelity occurred in the above scenario, the apologies had nothing to do with anything of that nature.  Just thought I should mention that.