Feeling better

I am so thankful to report that I'm feeling MUCH better!  I saw the GI specialist on Wednesday and I started some hefty antibiotics on Thursday.  Within 24 hours I was not normal, but I had strength, I played with my kids, I got housework done, and I was smiling!  Huge difference for me.

I'm to avoid dairy and for multiple reasons I had to stop nursing.  That was the hardest part for me.  I'm usually pretty anti-antibiotics, haven't taken them in years.  In fact, I hadn't even filled a prescription period in over 4 years.  But this time, in this instance, I really needed it and this medication was in no way safe for Adley.  The nursing also added to the dehydration and when the GI doctor saw me Wednesday he had the same assessment as the doctor last week, I was keeping myself out of the hospital by the skin of my teeth.

I'm amazed how quickly I feel better and so, so very thankful.  This entire experience over the past 2 weeks has made me truly appreciate health, what it really means to face my day physically and mentally in optimal well-being.  I also don't think I fully realized all I really did until I couldn't do it anymore.  I learned once again how true the saying, "Life is 10% what happens to  you and 90% how you respond" is.  I've always loved that.  It has always grounded me.  I did not respond to this trial well BUT I did learn from it.

In this instance, I struggled with seeing no end in sight, there was no glimmer of health on the horizon with my mystery diagnosis and I allowed my mind to go places it shouldn't.  Big mistake.  I had great difficulty asking for help but by the second week I had no problem complaining.  I dislike complaining.  A lot.  By Wednesday and Thursday of this week I think I was really starting to dislike myself.  I was disappointed with how I was handling all of this but so frustrated and a little scared of how sick I really was.  To get her out of the house for a bit, I mustered up the strength and took Elyse to a playgroup with close friends on Thursday.  They took one look at me and were concerned and within seconds I was in tears.  That's not like me.  Then again, I almost had someone drive my car home because I wasn't sure I was able to safely drive it myself.  This whole thing was just hard.  I have to learn how to handle "hard" better.

I blabbing.  I'm processing.  I want to endure things like this better next time.

What a gift it was to see the nurturing side of Elyse bloom for me.  Her genuine concern, her sweet, subtle touches.  Her doctor kit out several times a day in determination.  Her 3 year old understanding and obedience when she was instructed by daddy to let mommy rest.  The love labor of my husband who pulled double duty in the evenings.  The multiple offers of help from many friends.  A neighbor dropping off Gatorade.  The flowers from my mom.  There was so much love in this illness and in the clarity of feeling better I can fully push aside the fog and feel it's warmth.  

It's July in Florida, but this heat feels so, so good.