I'm sick

I'm sick.  Those are difficult words for me to type.  I seldom succumb to the admission that an illness has ailed me to the point of admitting it, giving it a grasp on me mentally and physically.  I. Am. Sick.

It started a week ago Friday with nausea.  It spiraled out of control pretty quickly in the following days and today marks day 12.  I haven't been well since.  I wrote it off as a stomach bug at first, resting and allowing it to run its coarse through my system.  The worst days were 2 and 5 and by the middle of day 5 I was seeing spots from, extremely week, and curled in the fetal position in my bed all day.  I was down about 7 pounds in those 5 days.  I couldn't eat a meal and it didn't matter if I could, it wouldn't stay.  We decided I should go to Fast Track, an urgent care walk in clinic.  The doctor was immediately concerned about my dehydration and after some lab work, advised me to go to the hospital for IV fluids.

We spoke with a close friend who is an ER doctor and after relaying my results he suggested staying home and really, really pushing fluids myself.  We chose option B.  I laid in bed that night, hands places protectively on my abdomen, and for the first time I felt a little scared.  This had to end.  It had to stop, I remember thinking I will die if this keeps going on like this, my body cannot handle this much longer.  The next day I felt much better, not normal, but better.  The worst was behind me, surely.

Basically I haven't been right since and now there are some concerning results in culture tests I had done in the walk in clinic and I'm to see a GI specialist this week.

Yesterday, day 11, this started to get emotional for me.  I'm weak.  I'm tired, no........more than that, I'm exhausted.  The constant mild dehydration and lack of nutrition is literally draining the life out of me.  This has also started to greatly affect my milk supply for Adley so we're quickly draining the freezer reserves of milk which is also emotional for me.  I don't have the energy to play with my kids.  I get the bare minimum done just because I have to, but loading them in the car, going to the park or grocery store, the energy exertion needed to do that intimidates me so we stay here.  I went to bed at 8:45 last night and still feel tired today.

I have to get better.  I want to play with my kids.  I want to do the million things a mom needs to do each day to run her ship.  I want to enjoy a meal.  I want to be well.  I get teary thinking about how much this has slowed me down, especially the last few days.

Hopefully I'll get some answers this week.  Right now I'm just going to try to get my head in the right place and use what precious energy I have on the right things, the things that matter.

Okay.  I'll stop whining now.  Thanks for listening.