Calmly clueless

Picture it:  Elyse dressed as a sweet little owl at our MOMS Club Halloween party at a playground.  She wanted another cookie, she'd already had one.  It was a half hour before dinner.  The answer was no, an explanation given, alternative foods offered.  Then it began.

Whining, crying, stomping.  Whining.  Whining.  Crying.

I tried to talk her though it but it was of no use.  When you act that way we cannot stay.  Time to go I told her.

Then she really let loose.

Screaming.  Begging.  Crying.  Refusing.  Yelling.

I walked with Adley calmly away.  Believing and expecting Elyse to follow.  She knows I don't go back on my word from decisions like this.

She followed.  The drama continued.  The drama grew.  We just needed to leave.

As I loaded the stroller into the car and got Adley buckled Elyse kicked me.

I put her in her car seat, fighting me the whole time.  The yelling and crying went on and on.  She started in with words she hoped to hurt me with.  "I'm not your friend".  "I'm not going to play with you."

She was literally bursting with emotion.  If she knew the words to curse life and claim how unfair it all is she would have.  If she would have had the vocabulary to deem me the worst mother ever she would have done it.  I'm sure.

As we pulled away and the tantrum continued she took of her shoes and threw them.

I honestly didn't know what to do.  That's when I realized something.  I was calm.  100% in control and calm.

I didn't know what to do, but not one molecule of my being was upset.  I wasn't angry.  I wasn't biting my tongue or holding back my palm.  My blood wasn't boiling and tears weren't welling.

Upon realizing that I prayed a prayer of thanks.  I was clueless but I was calm.  I wasn't grasping at parenting straws simply because I didn't know what to do.  I didn't resort to ways I disagree with in my heart but struggle with because of my past.  I was so thankful to be calm.  To give the 3 of us peace in that car during her attempt at chaos.

The wisdom will come.  I'm believing it will and doing my part to ensure it does.  But at that moment in that car, clueless and calm was so much better than reactive and remorseful.   A peace that passes understanding.  That was me.  Although I'd love to understand her!