Problem Solving

We've switched gears quite a bit with parenting lately.  What we were doing before wasn't working.  It wasn't consistent and it wasn't where our hearts were.  After some prayer, discussion and a book or two we're approaching things differently.  As expected with change, Elyse's behavior got worse before it got better but her recent changes are so motivating and confirming that we're doing the best thing we can right now with her.  I'm excited!

A few posts back I wrote about a rough time we  had at the park.  Well, it was time once again for another park party.  In getting ready Elyse and I talked a little about what happened the last time and what we could do to prevent the same mistakes this time.  We agreed on bringing a peanut butter sandwich, grapes, and pear/spinach pouch with us.  That way she had chosen her "green light" food before we even worried about the "red light" ones that would be there.  This is the kind of thing we've had to work through since Elyse doesn't eat large portions of anything.  Any snacking on her part can ruin any hope of an actual meal in the near future.  We eat dinner early and often bring something with us to things like a 4:30 pm party at the park.

She used her little plastic knife and made her sandwich herself.  She chose a cookie cutter and cut it into the shape she wanted, a sun.  We got there, goodies all over the table, but she knew what she had to do.  She had a very hard time doing it as she watched the other kids eating the treats but there was no fuss, no complaining, no whining, no asking.  She expressed her desire for what was there but never requested it.  She ate what we brought.  Not all of it, but enough to confirm the lesson learned.  She then chose her treat and was delighted.  A problem avoided is a problem solved.

As they often do, a problem still arose though.  A short while later she was playing with her closest little friend in the mulch.  I'm not sure the order of things or what really happened, but it didn't matter.  The end result was two little girls flapping dainty slaps and spewing hurtful words.

We left shortly after and I asked Elyse to tell me about the incident.  She calmly explained that mulch was thrown at her, then there was a brief pause.  I glanced at her in the rear view mirror and she appeared deep in thought, her 3 year old wheels turning away.  The silence broke as she admitted, "I didn't problem solve well.  I didn't ask her to stop throwing mulch, I didn't walk away or get help."

I was speechless.  She's getting it.  We talked a little about how hard it is to do what we don't want to do, to do what we don't feel like doing, to make the good choice even when it's hard.  The conversation immediately took me to the verse that was covered at last week's bible study and also again at our home church on Sunday....."I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)

Our sin nature begins so young.  War waged in our minds while deep inside we want to delight in the Lord.  Seeing her tiny 3 year old frame in her 5 point harness she looked so sweet and safe without a care in the world, but inside a war has begun.  A war that goes on in me hundreds of times every single day.  It's amazing, terrifying and rewarding to see her recognize the start of this.  To watch her attempt to process making the right choice rather than a reactive choice.  To give her the tools to navigate the desires of her flesh and the desires of her Father. To ultimately teach her that the Holy Spirit is there to do just that....but it isn't always easy.

I love that part of Romans, Paul's anguish over doing what he hates and not doing what he wants to do.  Even he, the writer of so much of the New Testament, struggled with this.  He recognized it for what it was and at the end of chapter he knew the only thing that could save him from it...."What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25)