Alignment

I have been trying to find a more constructive way to get into God's word. Although I know how crucial it is, I lack a lot of guidance and understanding in this area and I've been trying to seek out different ways to submerse myself in it. I wouldn't call these attempts unsuccessful, just not as saturating as I had hoped for and it lacked rhyme, reason, or structure. Not that I feel that those things are always needed per say, it's just that I was absolutely all over the place.

As a child when I felt alone or down I can remember sitting on the bottom of my bunk beds, eyes squeezed tightly shut, my seldom used bible clenched tightly in my hands and I would whisper a little silent prayer to a God who I had heard was there. I often picked up on things here or there when I would hear other people talk or when I visited a friends youth group. I believed and longed for that love and power that people spoke of but I didn't think I knew how to tap into it. I had heard that everything you need to know was in the bible and all the tools for life were contained in it's pages as well so there I would sit on my bed with this magical book in my hands. Trouble at school, a crush on a boy, quarrelling with friends, or just simply feeling lost and alone would cause me to turn to this big book with thin pages, tiny letters and words I couldn't pronounce. I would keep my eyes shut as tight as possible and then.....WHAM, slam open the book to the page I knew was just for me. I knew this God people spoke of would lead me to what I needed to read. There within the paragraph of that page would be the answer to my problems and the words would contain the healing remedy to whatever happened to be ailing me. It was all about to become so clear and my young teenage life was about to make perfect sense. I really, really believed that and more often than not I would stumble on genealogy or some historical sounding story that I felt lacked the miraculous power I was searching for. I believed in this book, I just didn't know how to read it.

A few years went by. I was still a teenager and it seemed like over and over we would have people speaking at our school about teen car accidents, drunk drivers, etc. Add to that the fact that I watched way too much Rescue 911, I began to ponder dying and I thought that if I died without reading the bible cover to cover.....well, there's just no way that could be good. So that's what I began to do. I started in Genesis and began my journey to read this whole book so I would have that under my belt for life. I mean after all, you only need to do it once and then you're good, right? Needless to say I didn't make it through the Bible, I can't recall if I even read all of Genesis before I felt so discouraged by my lack of understanding of the whole thing. Now I was really doomed and felt just plain stupid when I realized I was looking at it all wrong. So now is where you think I get my big Ah-ha moment, God speaks to me, I get enlightened, yada, yada, yada. Not so much.

I figured that the reason it wasn't making sense was because what I was reading was the old testament and obviously when something is old they come up with something better like the new testament, so dive into Matthew I did. That was better but I was still a little lost so once again I rationalized my way, drew my own conclusions and figured if Jesus didn't say it then it didn't really matter so I'm going to only read the stuff in red and I think I actually managed to do that.

It wasn't until I got a little older, more involved in that youth group and made a few Christian friends that things started to click a little better. Over time and through God's passionate pursuit of me (which is a whole different story altogether) did I grow and mature in the understanding and appreciation of this amazing book. Only later did I learn that the Bible is God’s letter to humanity collected into 66 books written by 40 divinely inspired writers. These writers come from all walks of life and spans over a period of 1,500 years or more. These 66 books talk about history, prophecy, poetry, and theology. Despite their complexity, differences in writing styles and vast time periods, the books of the Bible agree miraculously well in theme, facts and cross-referencing. No human beings could have planned such an intricate combination of books over a 1,500-year time span. No other book gives us more insight into our lives, more hope for our future, and a true path to a relationship with God........wow, I NEED to get into this book but how?

I've done different studies and read books by various Christian authors. I used my bible alongside these and have truly learned a lot. None of those things were wrong and I gained a greater understanding but I was still not in it like I desired to be. I often pray for a thirst for God's word that cannot be quenched in order to keep myself saturated and that is a prayer He has faithfully answered. Even when I'm not in it, I'm wanting to be. Even when I stray, He pulls and once again I've felt the tug but I also sense the tug to have a different approach. Reading the Bible has always intimidated me and He wants me to get past that, He's asking and leading me to get past that.

We recently started a new series at church and this is what it's all about. So far it's been encouraging and I anticipate it will help me gain new ground in this area of my life. God is aligning my desires with His will and is now providing new tools to achieve just that. I just love when I'm aware enough to see and appreciate His hand aligning things like this for His little girl.