Refreshed

I feel refreshed. The weather is a little better, although still not warm, than it has been. The sun is out and the air is crisp. Elyse is on the tail end of her cold but I went ahead and took her to the doctor just to be sure things were okay before the weekend rolled around. It's funny how all my medical training in NICU and pediatrics goes right out the window when it's my own child. A fever? What do you do about that? How high is too high? When do you call, when do you medicate? If it were someone else's child in the "comforts" of my hospital surroundings I would have had all the answers but at home alone with my own whimpering child I was concerned and clueless. After the doctor examined her and all seemed to be on the mend I felt silly for having gone but she offered so much encouragement and assured me that I did the right thing. I know I've said it before but I like reassurance and encouragement. I question my competency as a mother without it. Now that I think about it I don't know of anyone that doesn't like to be told they're doing a good job. I probably need to say that more.

My mom came and spent the night last night. She watched Elyse while I had a little pampering at the salon then we watched a chick-flick in our pajamas and ordered take-out....it was as good as it sounds. It was nice to have the company since Matt was out of town so I definitely appreciated it. I feel like I'm finding myself saying it yet again, his hours have been long and hard and have kept him from home. It's hard. It's lonely. It is what it is. I go through this so often in my mind.....I wish he could be home more, I wish he didn't have to work so late, I wish, I wish, I wish. Then I quickly remind myself it is the exact reason I get to stay home and I'm so thankful for that. I want to have my cake and eat it too. Balance. I'm still trying to find a way to balance things better in so many areas. I guess as life changes things shift and you have to reassess how you balance. Have I been reassessing too long? Definitely something for me to ponder.