The time change has made me sluggish. That or the fact that we had a very busy Sunday after losing that oh so precious hour of slumber.

We visited a friends church on Sunday and although the concept wasn't new, for someone like me it was a great reminder and something I need to hear every now and then. The message was about Moses and things he could and could not control and a reminder of the one guarantee that Christ is with us. I don't know that "control" is a huge area of struggle for me but I welcome the reminder that even though I may not have control over my circumstances or what I'm given to work with/through, I ALWAYS have control over my response. It all goes back to one of my favorite sayings that "life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond". I definitely don't always respond in the best way possible but this simple lesson that continues to be taught to me over and over helps me remember that.

After church we went to Port Richey and while I was at a family baby shower Matt went with his dad to look into some possible new housing options for Oma. Matt and his dad do such a wonderful job of taking care of things with her and as her health slowly deteriorates they do so well ensuring that things, although not always ideal, are the best they can be. I love that about them and she is so grateful. I love that about her. She has survived her only 2 daughters and 2 husbands and as the hand of Alzheimer's slowly tightens it's grip I'm thankful for each glimpse of positive German energy that is allowed to freely flow from the remnant wrinkles a lifetime of smiles have left behind. We talk about the details and the facts, how she was that day, what her week consisted of and any upcoming appointments. There is so much care and concern over all of the tiny details and I feel privileged to be an onlooker. But then there are the harder moments when she asks who the baby is that Matt's holding in a picture or when she wonders why she hasn't seen her husband all day. When those things are talked about sad eyes drift downward and gentle reminders are said with such care that the way this is all being handled continues to impress me over and over. Things like this are hard. Those that have gone through it know and those who haven't still sympathize.

Although I had met them on multiple occasions as a child and occasionally even spoke to them on the phone, I didn't truly know my grandparents. Three of the four have passed away, one grandfather still remains close to extended family in Iowa but I haven't seen him in over 2 years so in a sense I've been "spared" some of the hardships I'm seeing in Matt as he goes through this. But seeing the depth of their relationship, the magnitude of love and the way Oma's eyes turn from downcast and dull to bright and smiling when Matt appears just warms my heart. He grew up just doors down from her and they have been extremely close their entire lives. To sit and listen to the way she tells stories of him as a boy it is so evident that he has always been her entire world. I'm in awe of it. Matt used to ask her to teach him to knit and he loved going over there every day after school. I can picture them romping around the yard. I can almost feel the warmth of the laughter and smiles as the heavy German accent calls after the toe-headed little boy. Although he handles it better than one can imagine, the slow fade from chasing him around to shuffling behind a walker has been hard. To feel the sadness of the present situation he had to know the insurmountable joy of their lifelong past and it is so apparent what a gift that is. Seeing that now I know I haven't been "spared" anything at all. I'm grateful to be close to my family and honored that my daughter is being raised by such a wonderful man who models what he values in things like this.

Wow. I have no idea where all that came from. I was planning on blogging about our long day at the outlet mall on Saturday and the friend we had over for dinner last night. Both were very nice but I think I'm out of blog time so this will have to do for now.