"I can do it allllllll by myself!"

That sentence rings through our house over and over these days.  It's a joy watching her express her independence and embark on new challenges alone.  I love celebrating with her as she exclaims "I did it!" when she's finally pulled her leggings on without assistance.  Like many mommy moments, it's bitter sweet.  I'm finding myself being surprisingly emotional about the simple act of her using the restroom. 

She was potty trained young and petite, but we had to help with every aspect of her going to the restroom.  She need to be lifted onto and off of the potty, wiped, helped onto our tall stool, and assist her with hand washing.  Some of our best conversations happened during the process in the small, private quarters of our bathroom.  She developed a sense of humor about the whole thing asking all about #1 and #2 and the cultural norms pertaining to those two vital functions.  Often we talked about anything but that and I really think she enjoyed the focused, undivided attention during that time.

Today, for the first time, she went and I didn't even know it.  She didn't announce it on her way like usual or come to celebrate with me after she was done.  She just did it.  All alone.  The whole thing.  Pants off, potty, wipe, pants on, wash hands......entirely without me, my hands or my encouragement.

Once I realized what had taken place I just watched her in her room, diligently trying to dress her doll, and I felt that twinkle in my eye.  The twinkle that is full of pain as much as it is pride, joy as much as it is sorrow, surprise as much as it is expectation.  I think they call it a "twinkle in your eye" because it's a rare phenomena of beaming light and emotional tears.

I read this in an article this past week about the joys and challenges of parenting any number of children and when you're feeling weak and crowded  in the process to remember,
“.......you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone. For what? Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.”

My ultimate goal is a healthy independence for her and I used to think she was the only one that would need preparing for it.  I'm realizing both of us have to be strong enough for her to leave (and cleave). 

She's growing up.  Independence.  I didn't expect it to shake me so much with such young kids.  Endless days meeting constant needs, you'd think I'd welcome the word.  Geesh, with a 2 year old and 4 month old, I amazed I still know how to spell it.  Today, in this captured moment, nothing awakens me more.  She is relying on me to do this the very best that I can so she has the opportunity to be everything God designed her to be......even when it hurts. 






Just phone pictures but she's still just so darn sweet!