Don't you wish

Tuesday night while I was sleeping, I woke up in the middle of the night and had that feeling.  That feeling where you know you are coming down with something.  For me it usually starts with a sore throat.  I felt worse as the day went on and by late Wednesday afternoon I was really struggling.  Everything ached.  A pounding, throbbing, feel it inside my bones ache.  My energy was drained and as my 2 small children looked up at me, wondering what was wrong, I called Matt at work.  I explained the situation and told him he didn't need to drop everything he was doing, but that if he could come home a little early it would be much appreciated.  I seldom do that.  I can't remember the last time I did, especially during the busiest time of year at his firm. 

He came home several hours early, ordered me to the couch and dove right in.  Adley was napping so he took Elyse outside to play.  I took a quick shower trying to wash away the ick, got in comfy clothes and plopped my sickly self on the sofa.  He truly is my second set of hands when he comes home, not just when I'm sick, and I'm so thankful for that.  By evening a fever had spiked and I was feeling worse by the hour.  The pain was intense and the fever gave me the chills, my skin was hot while I was chattering under a blanket.  I wanted to take Tylenol or Motrin, I knew it would help me feel a little better and perhaps rest a little more soundly.  I didn't.  Instead I prayed.  I told God I trusted His design of my body's response to this infection.  I told Him I knew this fever and it's pains had purpose and I would see it through.  I prayed I would be restored as fully as possible as quickly as possible because everyone knows how hard it is when a mom is out of commission.

It was a rough night.  I sweat so much while the fever broke that I washed the sheets the next day.  My head was pounding along with every joint in my body but I surrendered to rest.

The next morning Matt quietly got up with the girls while I slept.  He didn't say a word and just let me sleep, and sleep I did, until 11 a.m.  I awoke feeling quite a bit better and within an hour he was off to work.  I still wasn't 100%, but we managed and we managed well.

A friend later commented to me, "Don't you wish he could have come home sooner to have helped more?" and "Don't you wish he could have taken the whole day off while you got better?"

Really?  Was she really asking this?  No.  I don't wish that.  Sure it would have been nice now that you mention it but I'm just thankful.  I'm thankful he wasn't traveling for work.  I'm thankful he was in a position to take even just a few hours off to lighten my load.  I'm thankful we've been given bodies that restore themselves.  I wasn't just content about it, I was thankful and I made sure to let Matt and God know, oh, and my friend too. 

I guess it all goes back to the glass half empty/full of water analogy.  I try, though not always successfully, to embrace my portion of water and size of my glass I've been given.  This doesn't just pertain to good days or bad days, it has to pertain to all my days. 

"Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." (Psalm 16:5)

The humanness of Jesus, all that time ago, once again resounds with relevance today.  In the Garden of Gethsemane when He realized the suffering He was about to endure, He cried out, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).  It wasn't taken from Him.  He accepted it, drank it, and saved me.

In bible study last year they made this more concrete and hands on.  We had a  cup of water poured for us where we prayerfully accepted the portion we had been given.  A year later, this encounter with a friend, reminded me that those lessons stuck, though not perfectly, but that there has been ground gained in the battlefield of my mind. 

When I say "not perfectly", it's conversations like last night.  Matt and I have discussed on and off what our first big project on our house will be.  It's approaching it's twentieth birthday which is very evident in much of the house.  Our master bath?  New flooring?  Pavers for the patio?  Exterior paint (our house is pink!)? 

While we talked about it I began to think about how truly blessed we are.  We sit and pick our house apart and add items to lists that are wants more than needs.  Small patch work and replacing of seals versus gutting an entire bathroom, things like that.  Oh, and of course there are those with no homes at all or running water or safety or...or...or....

I'm spoiled.  I can be a brat when I don't ground myself. 

I told Matt we should pick something, our next big project, price it out and give the money away. 

That I do wish.  I wish I lived with such wreck-less abandon and whole-hearted, self-less love to follow through with thoughts like that.  I wish I could see what a world of people living like that looked like.  I wish.