Heavy

That's the only way I can describe how I feel right now.

I've had some tough conversations and was placed in some hard situations today. I heard things that broke my heart, I literally felt it drop in my chest. The word endure has taken on a whole new meaning. I can't go into details or share the stories out of confidentiality, but I can share how I'm feeling.

To have people in front of you lost, confused, searching, and wounded. People that have gone through things my mind can't even wrap itself around, things I can't even fathom. They cry, they share, an unspoken plea for help comes through tear streaked cheeks. I offer what few words I can, but mostly I just give of myself and try to love on them the best I can. We pray together and as quickly as she impacted me, she is gone to face this world again. It's so hard to understand. I take these burdens that weigh them down and place them on my shoulders, it's heavy. My knees feel weak beneath the added weight. Now I'm carrying them and she is too.

This world is hard. It will beat on you and tear you down. It will lie, hurt, and break you, then send you to all the wrong things to repair the damage. It's bandages are empty, temporary, and often leave a bigger wound behind than you had going in.

These are burdens I wasn't meant to carry, neither was she. We were not made to carry these loads and yet we pile it on ourselves day after day, burden after burden. We drag around our own and add the weight of others until our knuckles are almost dragging on the ground. I ask myself . . . Who does this benefit? What has been gained?

This has given me another opportunity to practice the qualities I hope to develop into a habit. I turn to God.

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

I feel better already. I truly hope I can develop this into the habit it needs to be. I will lift these girls up to Him, their hurts, fears, and cares. I give Him mine as well. After all, He can move mountains . . . why wouldn't we hand him this stuff?