I'm going to be honest......

there are some things I am and some things I'm not. The things I'm not creep up and bother me sometimes. I'm not super organized. I keep a clean house, but clean is different than organized. I'm not a good cook or an organized shopper. I was just dicing up chicken breast for tonight's chicken enchiladas and I got sad. I couldn't help but think to myself......I'm making this again? It's been a few weeks since I've made it and it's a dish we both like a lot, but I feel like I make them a lot. As I was dicing I tried to go through my mental list of dinners that I make on a regular basis and I realized I'm not a good or creative cook. I tend to rotate the same dozen or so meals in no particular order. They're nothing special and I often feel like I simply feed us. Seldom is something made from true scratch and if I were to invite you over for dinner I would probably talk Matt into grilling steaks or burgers just so I wouldn't feel embarrassed. Sometimes I think I post my meals just to make myself feel better or make it appear that I have some sort of clue what I'm doing when I don't. Wow, that doesn't make me a very good person.

Thankfully Matt couldn't care less about what we eat for dinner. He has the easiest pallet to please and is thankful for anything I make, but part of me feels sorry for him. I want him to be proud of the cook I am. I want to over hear him complimenting a meal I made. I want our kids to love mom's such n such dinner. I want to be good at this. I want to be a good cook but I don't know where to derive the confidence or skills. I know it takes practice, but how do you practice something that you don't even really know how to do? Recipes with numerous ingredients and steps intimidate me and I find myself googling the words used to describe the process. I didn't even know what broil was until last year....how pathetic is that. Food is expensive and cooking takes time.....none of which I have an over-abundance of, so when I spend a lot of either on something and it doesn't work out I get very discouraged. Thankfully all Elyse needs is my milk and she is more than pleased with that. Maybe I'll get a little better at this by the time she's actually eating table food. One can only hope. If you have any favorite recipes or tips to help get me over this hump, feel free to send them my way.

That's my whining for the day. Time to get back to my enchiladas and remind myself that I've come a long way from the cook I was just a year ago. I need to remember to be thankful for the food we do have.....simple as it sounds, I need to remember that. Chefs weren't born overnight and I try. I put forth the effort and when I fail I try again. That's got to count for something.