This picture is definitely worth 1,000 words

I love this picture for many reasons, but one of the main reasons is because just behind Elyse on the left upper side of the picture is our ornament from last year. Inside the frame is a 12 week ultrasound of Elyse. I didn't take this picture that way intentionally, but when I was looking through them later I noticed it. I'm continually amazed at how fast time seems to go now that I have a child. This time last year I was pregnant, we didn't even know Elyse was a girl yet........now I can hardly remember life before her and I certainly can't fathom life without her. I've been emotional today, it's just been one of those days where I've noticed all of the little things. I've savored little bits and pieces of this day and then got teary eyed knowing that I'll never be able to store these things in my memory bank the way I would like to. There is just no way to store them the way my senses perceive them. I was reading her a bedtime story tonight and lately, instead of watching, grabbing the pages and tearing the paper, she leans back in my lap to where she's almost flat and looks up at me. She just sits quietly and watches my face and my lips as I read the pages. Every now and then she'll grin, but for the most part she just stares. What is she thinking? What is that inquisitive little mind piecing together now? She looks at me with such honesty, trust, and adoration. How do you bottle that feeling? How can I store away the feeling of that moment along with the fresh, fragile, precious, innocent fragrance of her skin and hair from the bath just prior, or seal away the sensation of her pajamaed feet tapping against my leg. Tonight I read just one more book and I began to cry. One of the hardest things about becoming her mother is realizing that there is no way she will ever really understand how much I love her, how deep it goes, and how I will have spent her entire life making sure she knows that. It's impossible for me to think a thought like that and not think about God. I'm His Elyse, but it even goes beyond that because His love is greater than my love, it's pure, perfect, and unfailing. I have a new appreciation and understanding for the love He has for me as His daughter, but even more so the realization of what it would be like to give your child's life. I can only imagine how much that hurt and how hard it must have been. Now that I have my own child, I'm that much more grateful and at least somewhat more aware of the sacrifice it took. While holding Elyse tonight and given the season of Christmas that we're in, I couldn't help but be reminded that Jesus was once a baby just like her. I felt so close to Him tonight, so close that the emotions overwhelmed me and as I type this I almost feel listless, drained perhaps, but in a very good way. His presence surprised me, overtook me, and reminded me of how close He always is, whether I feel it or not.