A precious son or darling daughter?

The ever popular question people love to ask pregnant people . . . "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

The honest and true answer, especially being an NICU nurse, is a perfect set of 23 pairs of chromosomes, a four chamber heart, 10 fingers and 10 toes, etc. A neonatologist I worked with always said it best . . . "nothing missing, nothing extra". I fully believe that you are given exactly what you are supposed to have, the child designed specifically for you. A healthy baby and a healthy mommy chosen for us by God, that's my answer, but people don't ever seem satisfied with that. So here is my best attempt at explaining the unbiased desires of my heart.

As a young girl I made a lot of my dolls boys. I would cut hair, change them to blue clothes, and adjust the assigned name if needed. I had girl dolls I adored too, but I preferred boy dolls. I don't know why, perhaps it was because I was the middle of 3 girls, who knows. Either way, as a child I typically pictured myself having sons, as a young adult I pictured daughters, and now I can hardly fathom it's happening period, much less knowing the gender. I have no instincts, I hope that doesn't make me a bad mother already.

Being the middle of 3 girls and an aunt to 2 adorable nieces, it's obvious the girl gene runs deep on my side of the family. I love girls, I love being a girl, I love having sisters, I love girly things, and my family probably wouldn't know what to do with a boy.

Now here is the truth of the matter. My amazing husband adores the ladies in his life. I can say with up most confidence, sincere honesty, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is not a single day that passes where I don't know that I am his entire world. He adores me and it means the world to me. Being a part of his family for a little while now, I have had the privilege to watch him doddle over his grandmother (Oma) and tend to her needs. It's like nothing I've ever witnessed. He grew up just houses away from her, so they have always been close and it's a bond I've come to greatly admire. From what others have told me, it was no different with his mother before she passed away. He is just that kind of man. He loves his girls and it shows. It speaks volumes of the heart contained within my husband's chest, and I'm so thankful to be one of his precious ladies.

With that said, I desire a household of boys just like him. I realize and greatly appreciate what a rare gem I have in my husband. I would love to see honorable men raised up in just that manner, adoring the women in their life . . . starting with me (no, I'm not selfish at all). To have "my boys", my house full of doting men, and to see them become a wonderful, much needed addition to this society we live in that appears to be loosing this tender trait . . . nothing would make me prouder.

Here is where some brutal honesty comes out . . . . The due date of our baby is right around my birthday and I have this fear that if it's a girl, she will be born on my birthday and I will be forgotten for the rest of my life (no, I'm not dramatic either). I would of course adore her and embrace the amazing bond that courses through our veins resounding of the love a mother and daughter uniquely share. But I am in no denial that my spotlight would shift. There would be two leading ladies under one roof, and although that may scare me, I know he has enough T.L.Matt (that's what we call it) to go around. As selfish as I am to want to keep this amazing man all to myself, to know that a little girl gets to experience that kind of love, the kind of adoration girls yearn for, to see him with her . . . nothing would make me prouder.

So you see, I'm being completely honest when I say that I really don't care what we have. There are so many wonderful things about either one and I'm thankful the decision isn't left up to us, He knows better than anyone the ultimate gift wrapped within my womb designed perfectly for us.