It's been nearly a week since I've posted and I feel like I have a lot to say but I can't honestly say I know how to express it all so I'll just go with the boring details and take it from there.

Matt took the day off Friday just because and it made the sweetness of our weekend linger that much longer. It was so nice to have him around. We didn't do much of anything but that made it even nicer. That evening our small group decided to go out to dinner instead of having our usual meeting because we were missing 2 couples and it was the birthday of 2 of the members so we took it upon ourselves to celebrate. We chose a Mexican restaurant and Mexican happens to be one of my favorite kinds of food, possibly my favorite actually. I think I could live off of Mexican or Italian with some good seafood thrown in there every now and then and be content for the rest of my life. Chips and salsa, churros, anything drenched in queso.....I love it all.

As a treat to ourselves Matt and I decided we would each get a nice new pair of sunglasses. I have never owned a pair that cost more than $10 and for the longest time I didn't have the desire. It was a luxury I didn't feel was necessary and I didn't have the greatest track record of taking care of my cheapie glasses so I didn't want the responsibility of a pricey pair, especially with 9 month old hand that grab. Matt has had a few pairs of nicer sunglasses over the years and after wearing his from time to time I could truly tell a difference so we decided to splurge and we are not splurger's.

We looked, compared, and modeled glasses for each other and with a 20% off coupon in tow made our purchases. Just to be sure there wasn't a better price online I searched the web as well and found both of our glasses significantly cheaper. Back we went to return the glasses and when we came home to order them we carefully inspected the website and did not have a good feeling about it. The reviews weren't great and the entire thing just seemed shady (pun intended) so back we went the next day and purchased our glasses all over again. We had to laugh at ourselves because that is just so typical of us. We are now both proud owners of name brand glasses with polarized lenses and I had better take good care of them or I may never allow myself anything nice again ;).

Sunday a group of us went down to Sarasota to watch the final polo match. We don't keep up with polo or watch it regularly but it's pretty amazing to watch in person. The horses, mallets, green grass and cool breeze along with sandwiches and treats galore make it very enjoyable even if you have no idea whats going on. I'm usually better at taking pictures but for whatever reason I didn't take many that day so you'll just have to take my word for it. It was fun. The sun was sneaky that day and stayed behind clouds for most of the afternoon but Matt and I both ended up a little sun burnt. Thankfully we remembered to put sunscreen on Elyse but we were not careful enough with ourselves and we both regret that. We'll do better next time though.

Elyse now has another tooth with a couple more very close to breaking through. This "hiding healthy fat" thing is not going very well. We've had some good days and bad days with her appetite but I'm trying not to worry too much about it. The good news is that although she is in the 9th percentile for weight, she had been in the 3rd percentile so either way we've been doing something right over the last several months. Some days she eats great and then there are days like yesterday when I only got one good meal in her. She has started to get anxious just being in her high chair and refuses to open her mouth to eat, even if it's something she previously liked. She eats best when distracted or on the go which tells me the new issues have been created by me. As hard as that may be to swallow I have to accept it, make changes, be adaptable and move forward. For now I'm setting the hiding fat aside and just focusing on getting her to eat. She ate well before all of this started so I'm going to turn my attention back to that and get the calories in where and how I can. It's hard. It's challenging. It's messy. It's frustrating. It's my job. I'm doing the best I can. I'm okay with that right now.

Just how far and how serious to take opinions and advice is difficult for me. Part of me truly believes she is just small, always has been and likely always will be. Another part of me puts a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to get her to eat and gain enough weight to nudge her above the 10th percentile so it just isn't a concern anymore. I feel like if I go to her next appointment and she has fallen off the charts that it's me that has failed her at this. She is just a baby and she is my baby which makes me fully responsible for her nutritional status and if for some reason that begins to be questioned I feel as though it would equate to an inadequacy in me. I don't like feeling inadequate, especially as a mother. However, I also know I'm the only one who allows myself to feel this pressured and believe that lie. It simply isn't true. I'm the one who made this such a big deal, no one else, and I'm going to battle it the only way I know is proven to work. I pray before her meals in a whole new way now. Instead of just blessing the food I ask for patience and confidence over every aspect of the meal. Meals should not be stressful for myself or Elyse and if they turn into that it could possibly follow her for years to come and I will not allow that. Developing a negative association with the dinner table because of issues I'm creating is not an option. No joy will be stolen over this.

I'm glad I had this little chat with myself.

Here are a just couple from Easter that we really liked.