Alarmed

The house alarm shrieked my out of bed a little before 1am on Monday night. Matt was out of town for work and I nearly panicked. In a frenzy I called him as I ran to the key pad. I was shaking, frantically glancing at windows and doors to see if it looked like someone had broken in. My eyes darting, the alarm blaring, thankfully he answered and his voice was calm, soothing and directive. I was so thankful for that. I knew what to do, I knew that we had experienced problems in the past with the system dropping it's cell signal but still I panicked. Even after everything had settled my heart was still racing and my hands were physically shaking. At around 4am I was finally able to doze back off just in time for it all to happen again at 4:30am. This time I wasn't nearly as nervous and although shaken still, I didn't panic. I didn't call him. I silenced it and went back to bed, I'm still not sure I actually ever fell back asleep though.

Needless to say I was exhausted yesterday. I managed to get Elyse's closet organized and made it for a date at the zoo but I was tired. It wasn't until later that I really thought about and appreciated Matt's reaction. He wasn't upset that I called. He wasn't angry that I overreacted. I needed him and he was there, so much so that I didn't even feel the physical distance that was present. He was calm and firm, yet consoling and helpful. It really made me think about my relationship with God. In the turmoil of life, in the moments when my heart is racing and my eyes are darting I need to fix them on Him. He is the calming presence. He is the still, small voice. His word is my instruction and hope. Too often, with shaking hands, I look for quick fixes or a temporary pick me up instead of going to the source of all that is good.

Thankfully the alarm has behaved since and I caught up on my sleep by going to bed early last night and sleeping in a little later today. I don't do tired very well, that's for sure. Speaking of that, I'm going to go relax for a few minutes.