Decisions

Friday was a rather overwhelming day for me. I talked to several friends about different sleep issues their children faced at different ages, the joys of potty training, and the heartache of discipline. I have one friend going through some very rough times with her toddler and it scares me to be facing those same things one day. I was baking some cookies for small group that afternoon when Elyse decided to fight her nap and since I was side tracked by her the cookies burnt. Get the idea? Toddler horror stories, screaming baby, burnt cookies, and trying to get things together to go to small group. By the time Matt got home I was near tears for no good reason.

We made it to group in one piece and it went very well. Elyse was a good girl through the whole thing, but it was hard for me to pay attention while trying to take care of her and it reminded me of my recent convictions. Matt and I love going to group, but it's hard now that Elyse is getting older. We have 3 options.....keep bringing her (which throws off her nightly routine, distracts us, and keeps her up too late), stop going, or find a sitter. None of the options are easy but I feel now more than ever that we need to prioritize this area of our life and I'm committed to making it happen....somehow. I've sent emails, made phone calls, and asked around to try to find a sitter to commit to every other Friday evening and it's hard. How old does a sitter need to be to baby sit a 3 month old? Is middle school too young? High school? Should we only try to find people by word of mouth or personally referenced or is it safe to hang something at a local college with what we're looking for? What is the going rate for sitters? Can we afford to continually pay someone, but more importantly can we afford not too?

I promised myself months and months ago that we would be husband and wife first and this is just the first of many things that will require us to put forth the effort to ensure that happens. I've been putting it off, hoping the problem would somehow take care of itself, but after hearing a wonderful message about wisdom I was reminded that this is my responsibility. We have the God given wisdom of prioritizing our marriage, fellowship with our group, and growth through the studies, but the wisdom does us no good without action to make sure it happens. It's the same with my health, our finances, and my relationships....I know what I need to do and should be doing and if I choose to neglect that, later on I'll only have myself to blame when I face the consequences of my decisions now.

It starts with choices and a decision and I'm deciding now to make this happen for us.

With everything that happened Friday, on Sunday I decided it was time for Elyse to go to the church nursery. We've been bringing her into the services with us, but again, although she's a good baby, neither of us pay attention like we should. I dropped her off and allowed myself to shed one lone tear as I handed her over the baby gate to the nursery volunteer. My maternal heart wanted to tell her 101 things about my baby and what she likes and doesn't like. Realizing she would only been in there for a little over an hour I casually mentioned that Elyse likes the swing and left it at that. Baby pager in tow I held my head high as I entered the sanctuary where I sang like I've never sung before and listened as though the message was just for me. It was a wonderful, needed change and a decision I'm glad I finally made. Not only did Elyse survive, but she slept the entire time....in the swing of course ;).