Feeling guilty

Despite our best efforts and every precaution we could think of, Elyse left our weekend at the beach with rosy cheeks. We have no idea how it happened. We kept her in the shade and had a sun hat on her. Our best guess is that sun reflected off of the sand or water and colored her precious face. It didn't seem very severe and I quickly promised myself and her that it wouldn't happen again and next time we would be even more careful. Well, today when I got her out of her crib in the morning I noticed her skin was actually peeling a little. This stung me to the point I almost cried. All I could think of was how much trouble Matt has with his skin, his family history of skin cancer, and the scars from numerous biopsies that he's had over the years. My daughter is only 3 months old and she's officially had her first sun burn and it's all my fault. Not to mention I nicked her pinkie while trimming her nails last night, and yes, I drew blood. After I comforted her painful cry I decided not to attempt to trim anymore of her nails last night.....now she has a scratch across her nose from her nails that are too long. I know I'm a new mom and these things happen, but how do you build confidence to tackle these challenges without getting so discouraged by the set backs? Every time I look at her precious, peeling, scratched little face it reminds me that I failed her and it hurts.

The scariest part for me is that I know this is only the beginning. The hurts and heartaches experienced through my child will be here for the rest of my life and I'm quickly learning that I know I won't get it all right. I know I'll fail her and let her down on more than one occasion. I've learned that despite my best intentions, things will go wrong. Blisters, bruises, bumps, and boo boo's are only the beginning. In lieu of all of this, she will be loved unconditionally. When my parental esteem is lacking I know I can confidently cover her in prayer and place her in God's hands when my arms don't seem to be doing the job. I know already I will need to do this daily because my greatest efforts are nothing without Him and as long as I can convey that to her, I know we'll be doing alright.