Reflecting on prior posts

I spent almost 4 hours shopping today. I did some needed returns and exchanges, but I also had several items on my list that I was hoping to purchase. One of those items was some tops/top undergarments that could "grow with me" a little bit. Man did I hit the jack-pot. I found sale items with additional mark downs and made out like a bandit. I had a bag FULL of goodies for $20! I did some more shopping for some things that were more desired than needed, but amazing bargains none the less and I left with my arms full. Not too long ago I posted about bargains and writing about it again reminded me of that post. It's nice to go back and read it because I really think I have gotten better about the sale purchases I make "just because".

My bargain high from today vanished quickly when I got to my car though. Matt gave me a courtesy call to let me know he would be working late and that I could go ahead and eat dinner on my own. It was after 7pm and he was still at the office. Guilt swept over me because he is such a hard worker and here I was out spending money. You see, I was supposed to work today but due to low census I was cancelled. I tried to pick up hours at another hospital, but they didn't need me either. See the problem? I didn't make any money (which I was scheduled to) but went out and spent money (which wasn't on only necessities). This reminded me of another post where I was feeling down about this exact same thing, which tells me that I need to examine this area of my life even closer because being a whiner is not an option.

I have a feeling this is something I will periodically struggle with unless I face it head on somehow. Although running this ship and raising a family will probably be much more demanding and time consuming than I can even fathom, I know Matt will probably work hard, high-intensity hours, and be our source of income for years to come. I need to get more and more used to that idea and learn to not feel guilty about it. It's a gift, a blessing, and something I believe God honors . . . why do I let it get to me so much? He works so hard, but is still so wonderful that I feel guilty when I have my own personal free time if he doesn't. Why do I feel like I'm somehow not carrying my own weight? More importantly, how do I overcome it?