I belong in this moment

Elyse and I had a rough day to say the least yesterday. She fussed on and off, fought naps, became over-tired very quickly and was hard to console. We had such a rough day that I was hopeful she would be so tired that our night would be better....I was very wrong. Her difficult daytime demeanor lasted into the wee hours of today and it was nearly 3am when I was able to fall asleep. My patience was definitely tested and I couldn't tell you if I passed or failed, all I can tell you is that we made it through. There were times she and I were both crying. I didn't know what she needed and she had no way to tell me, which I'm sure frustrated us both. Other times I felt so exhausted that I doubted my ability to comfort her but I gave her the best I could muster at the time.

Just when I was at my wits end I remembered part of the challenge/exercise that was part of our small group study for this week. The exact phrase was this, "Resolve to take this day one activity at a time. Commit to being genuinely present in each moment. If you're mind starts racing to the next thing, stop. Entrust it to God and return to the needs of the moment." This thought came to me when she was crying, I was crying, and I was staring at the clock adding up the lack of sleep I'd had and the sleep I was loosing right then. I began to get anxious over facing the next day on such little sleep, especially if it was another day like today. I felt beat up mentally, physically, and emotionally. As the phrase crossed my mind I looked at my tiny, crying baby and I focused my thoughts and attention on being genuinely present in that moment. I cradled my upset little girl and I gave her everything I had left and despite this rough patch, despite the tears, fatigue, frustration, and self-doubt...I had this perfect little person in my arms who needed and deserved all of me. Focusing on that calmed me and she settled soon afterward. I entrusted the rest to God and I fell asleep shortly after Elyse.

I wasn't sure what today would have in store for me, but it has turned out to be wonderful. Elyse has been a dream baby today and I've been able to get a lot of stuff done and even made it to the store for a few things. A friend stopped by this afternoon which was an added bonus. I didn't manage to take a nap and although I'm still VERY tired, I'm thankful and it taught me a lesson. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what's wrong with the moment I'm in or worry in advance about one that hasn't happened that it takes me away from a very deserving present. I learned that becoming anxious over "the next thing", whatever that may be, doesn't do anyone any good, in fact it causes harm. Last night had it's own troubles and it did me no good to worry about today when in fact, there was a very good day is store for me when entrusted to Him.

This is from the Growth book we're using in the study: The goal of this along with other exercises is designed to help you ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. We are not asking you to stop being busy. Rather, this exercise is designed to help you train yourself away from the kind of hurriedness that keeps you chronically preoccupied and anxious-that hinders you from receiving love from the Father and giving it to others.

There are about 6 other exercises that go along with this one and I'm definitely going to keep working at each of them. It's often easy for me to understand and appreciate lessons like this, applying them is the hard part, but I'm going to keep trying because the benefit thus far is well worth it.