Elyse and I drove to Madeira beach to meet up with Kristin and Rylan and we all went out to lunch at St. John's pass where views like this can be captured from almost anywhere on the boardwalk. The weather was gorgeous and we were able to eat outside. The food was wonderful but atmosphere always helps with that and it's hard for me to have a bad meal on the water. The babies did great and we headed back to Kristin's to put the girls down for a nap.....which didn't go so well. Elyse screamed like I've never heard her scream over the thought of taking a nap there. Eventually after some coaxing she gave in to exhaustion but getting there broke my heart. Things like that just don't happen at home. I can't remember the last time she fussed about going to sleep and it made me anxious. We are going out of town next weekend for a couple of nights and I hope she adapts quickly and gently to the pack n' play sleeping quarters of a hotel room.

We were on the move the last couple of days visiting friends and babies so today it was nice just to lay low. She got good naps in her own bed and I got a few things done around the house, too bad a lot more than just "a few" things needed to get done. Oh well.

I'm looking forward to this weekend which all starts with small group tonight followed by Help Build Hope on Saturday at the church. Harborside is partnering with Habitat for Humanity to build the interior walls of five homes. I'm not very handy but Matt and I are going to give it a go and hopefully meet some new people from our church and have some fun. I love that God designed us to enjoy helping others and delight with joyful hearts that the concept "tis better to give than to receive" is true. My mom is watching Elyse while we do this and then after we get cleaned up we get to go on our own little date night which I am very excited about.

I sure am glad it's Friday.

New snuggie

She has become so attached to her snuggie I figured I better buy a back-up while I still know where to get one and I picked up the last one they had today. I realize showing her that there are 2 snuggies could cause her to want both but I couldn't help myself, I wanted to see her reaction and I'm glad I did. Hopefully we can begin to rotate them with washings, travel, etc. and she won't know the difference yet. We'll see.

Another picture just for fun. She looked so cute in this and I wanted to take a picture for Matt's secretary because she got her this outfit.....great taste!

My has time gotten away from me this last week. It's been almost a week since I've blogged and that's not like me but in reality there hasn't been much to say. I feel like I've been very busy but it has been with little things here and there that have just seemed to add up.

Last Thursday I was able to meet up with a group of girls for a night out. We went to this great tapas place called the Living Room in Dunedin and I really had a nice time. It was wonderful to get out and meet a few new people. I told myself I would talk about other things aside from the mommy/baby things that are constantly running through my mind. I was successful for awhile but mid-meal kids came up and my concerns and questions about Elyse and solid foods ended up pouring out and I'm glad they did. The girls didn't offer life altering advice or give the answer that would solve it all but they did encourage me and in hindsight that was all I really needed. I needed to hear I was doing a good job. I may not be doing it perfectly or the way other families would but I'm doing my best and it's working for us. I struggle with self-doubt sometimes especially when it comes to parenting and starting solids brought a whole new gamut of things to worry about for me. Elyse is small for her age but ever since we started solids she has been eating them like it's her job and gained double in one month that she did in the last 2 months combined. Am I over-feeding her solids? Is she still getting enough milk? Do I have enough milk? How much solids are normal for her age? I met with a lactation consultant, borrowed a friends baby scale to weigh her before and after nursing sessions, and split her solids up into smaller meals. Needless to say after all of my concern everything is perfectly fine and the encouragement I got Thursday really helped as well. I need to re-insert parental confidence into my prayers or this is going to be a long 18+ years! ;-)

Saturday Matt and I went with his dad and Kathy to a home show in St. Pete. We had coupons to get in free and I had never been to a show like that before so we decided to go. There were a few gadgets that the marketing of the vendors got me to desire but we left empty handed. I still have thoughts about that steam mop, it seemed so neat! My mop works perfectly well though so we just couldn't justify the purchase. You can tell you're getting older and have become a mom when a mop excites you like that. After the show we went to an early dinner near the Pier where we all ordered Mahi with black beans and rice....it was delicious!

Sunday I had to work all day at the hospital and as usual it was a long 12 hours but it went great. Each time I go I'm amazed at what a good time I have there. It was hard to leave that morning though because A.)I feel bad missing church and B.)I miss Matt a lot with his busy schedule right now, but it's a sacrifice we're making because neither of us are sure if I should fully resign or keep up the 2 shifts per month. Until we have a clear and confident answer we are content in staying put.

Monday was chores and the grocery store and today I've spent time making baby food and putting together Elyse's new dresser. The drawers of the one we originally bought kept collapsing on each other so the company finally agreed to send us a new one. I'm hoping it was just a bad batch and that this one will serve us better.

In the last month or so we've gotten a new camera and photo editing software so I'm posting a picture just for fun.

Zoo day

Today my friend Loren and I took our little animals to the zoo. She has season passes and one of them is for a guest, add to that the kiddos were free and I didn't have to spend any money getting in. Thank you Loren!

The zoo was an excuse to get together, enjoy the gorgeous weather and have a change of scenery. I was incredibly surprised at how much Elyse and I enjoyed the day. You wouldn't think a 6 month old would be so interested in everything that was going on. It took her a little while because at first she was just enjoying riding in the stroller and looking around but once things got interactive she was squealing to her hearts content. She liked looking through the underground glass at the manatees, fish, turtles, otters, etc. because they would swim up so close to her. She would try to grab the fish with her hands and I was amazed at how fast she could keep up with them. She also LOVES kids and she really enjoyed all the other "little people" crowding around to see. She even got to pet a stingray and I was once again amazed that after careful observation of what was going on around her, she just reached her little hand in and touched one. Situations like that are really making me realize what a quiet observer she is. She may not be doing or saying much but she is definitely taking it all in. I'm in awe of it.

I think I liked this day so much because I really feel like Elyse and I both got a lot of enjoyment out of it. After Elyse's first nap on Monday I went to lunch and walked around in Hyde Park Village for a little while with some friends. When we got back I put her down for her long nap and when she awoke I strapped her in the car seat and ran some errands. I told Matt that night that it was so nice to get out and see my friends and even though I had been with Elyse all day I didn't feel like I really spent any time with her. Today was the best of all of those worlds. Matt's busy schedule and even busy days with Elyse remind me that even if I'm with the ones I love all day long I still need to try and be intentional with that time.

It took us some work getting there but I can proudly say Elyse is a champion sleeper and has been for awhile. Most nights we put her to bed between 6:30 and 7pm and don't have to go back in until after 7am. She takes 2 good naps a day and is a delightful, rested child....unless you're on the go. She doesn't usually sleep well on the move but the excitement of the day finally got to her and I was delighted to be able to snap a shot of her snoozing away in the stroller. She already has chosen her little security "snuggie" and I'm thankful I remembered to bring it along. I've read and friends have told me that babies don't get attached to a security object until they're around a year old but she has definitely bonded with this one. I was washing him (I'm not sure why I call him "him", it is a pink bear after all but saying "her" seems confusing so "him" it is) the other day and he wasn't quite dry when she was ready to nap so I put her down with a substitute snuggie. She went down rougher and awoke 20 minutes into her nap, both are unusual. By that point snuggie was dry so I walked into her room with him, leaned over and peered into her crib. She immediately snatched the little bear up and tucked him right up to her chest, rolled to her side and fell fast asleep. Yes, she loves him and I love how she loves him.

Now this should be a Pepsi ad! I washed out the cup for her and she really enjoyed chewing on it. It's so hard to believe they sell sodas that are half of the size of my daughter but they do, I bought one and it was good.

This is a picture I took before Matt left for work this morning. I love capturing moments like this and in my own little way freezing them in time. It's such a simple picture and what they're doing is nothing spectacular. No one is posing or dressed up. He's in his work clothes, she's in her pajamas. It's a dirty window opening to a boring porch and a backyard of dying grass. Somehow it's still just so sweet to me. As I quietly watched them from a distance, before I grabbed my camera, a thousand words were spoken but no one said a thing. I love the way he loves her. We are very blessed girls!

For daddy

I know these little video clips don't mean much to many of you but they mean a lot to Matt. As I mentioned before he has been working a lot. His nights have been short, his work days long and he let's me know everyday how much he misses his girls so I'm going to try to post little clips as I think of it. I used to be able to email them but we got a new camera and for some reason I am unable to email the videos and I'm even having difficulty uploading pictures. I'm sure it's user error but until I get it ironed out you may be seeing things like this.

She will pull up and stand in her crib on her own but for some reason today she was just in a "standing mood" so I was trying to think of different places that were her height for holding on. After standing with the ottoman, couch, her little chair, etc, etc, we ended up in the crib and she just thought the new view was hilarious. She even got a kick out of falling down. Go figure. I didn't have the camera when I first put her in there but boy did she ever laugh. I love the simple pleasures she gets out of such subtle changes.....I could learn from that.

Joy

Poor Matt has been working so hard lately. Whether it be at his Tampa office, out of town, or from his desk here at home he is logging some serious hours. I've always been thankful for his job but with the economic conditions that we're in I'm even more appreciative than ever. I've been given the amazing gift of being able to be home with our daughter and I love that. That fact alone causes me to grin and bear it even when it's hard because the alternative would not be good at all. When he is this busy I know it's extra important to be intentional in our time together and efforts toward one another so last night we left promptly after small group was over (skipping the social hour), asked the sitter to stay a little late, and we stole a few hours together to reconnect. It was very nice and much needed. We talked about a lot of things, some of them relevant, but mostly just dreaming out loud and it was fun. We found ourselves smirking and giggling and I felt like we were on one of our first dates, I liked that.

Today he has had to shut himself in the office for several hours to get some work done and I've been doing housework. I was making us some boring peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and I though "hey, I can create some joy out of this" (our small group lesson was about joy). So I made a little lunch spread with a card, placed it on a silver platter and left it just outside the office door. I knocked and ran away and hid. He didn't come. I knocked and hid again. He didn't come. He thought I was playing a little joke just knocking each time I passed his office door while I puttered around the house (rightfully so because sometimes I do silly things like that). I knocked again. Still nothing. Finally I sent him a text that just said "open" and he did. We ate our not so fancy lunch together and it was fun. Now he's back in the office and I just finished mopping but I really think I added a little joy to our day. I need to do that more often.

Perfect chili weather

I had a few girls from our small group over for chili and chatting on Tuesday night and even I was impressed how well the chili turned out. The cold weather, warm food, and great company made for an absolutely delightful evening.

Yesterday a friend from work came over with her 5 week old baby and he is just too sweet! When he started to cry it upset Elyse, I thought that was very sweet and sensitive of her. I like this picture because it looks as though she's wondering "who is this in my chair?". I'm very thankful to have another friend with a baby and we plan on getting together again soon.

I know it's a stretch,

but that sounds like "da-da" to me! Obviously the correct association isn't there yet, but it's still so darn cute!

Alignment

I have been trying to find a more constructive way to get into God's word. Although I know how crucial it is, I lack a lot of guidance and understanding in this area and I've been trying to seek out different ways to submerse myself in it. I wouldn't call these attempts unsuccessful, just not as saturating as I had hoped for and it lacked rhyme, reason, or structure. Not that I feel that those things are always needed per say, it's just that I was absolutely all over the place.

As a child when I felt alone or down I can remember sitting on the bottom of my bunk beds, eyes squeezed tightly shut, my seldom used bible clenched tightly in my hands and I would whisper a little silent prayer to a God who I had heard was there. I often picked up on things here or there when I would hear other people talk or when I visited a friends youth group. I believed and longed for that love and power that people spoke of but I didn't think I knew how to tap into it. I had heard that everything you need to know was in the bible and all the tools for life were contained in it's pages as well so there I would sit on my bed with this magical book in my hands. Trouble at school, a crush on a boy, quarrelling with friends, or just simply feeling lost and alone would cause me to turn to this big book with thin pages, tiny letters and words I couldn't pronounce. I would keep my eyes shut as tight as possible and then.....WHAM, slam open the book to the page I knew was just for me. I knew this God people spoke of would lead me to what I needed to read. There within the paragraph of that page would be the answer to my problems and the words would contain the healing remedy to whatever happened to be ailing me. It was all about to become so clear and my young teenage life was about to make perfect sense. I really, really believed that and more often than not I would stumble on genealogy or some historical sounding story that I felt lacked the miraculous power I was searching for. I believed in this book, I just didn't know how to read it.

A few years went by. I was still a teenager and it seemed like over and over we would have people speaking at our school about teen car accidents, drunk drivers, etc. Add to that the fact that I watched way too much Rescue 911, I began to ponder dying and I thought that if I died without reading the bible cover to cover.....well, there's just no way that could be good. So that's what I began to do. I started in Genesis and began my journey to read this whole book so I would have that under my belt for life. I mean after all, you only need to do it once and then you're good, right? Needless to say I didn't make it through the Bible, I can't recall if I even read all of Genesis before I felt so discouraged by my lack of understanding of the whole thing. Now I was really doomed and felt just plain stupid when I realized I was looking at it all wrong. So now is where you think I get my big Ah-ha moment, God speaks to me, I get enlightened, yada, yada, yada. Not so much.

I figured that the reason it wasn't making sense was because what I was reading was the old testament and obviously when something is old they come up with something better like the new testament, so dive into Matthew I did. That was better but I was still a little lost so once again I rationalized my way, drew my own conclusions and figured if Jesus didn't say it then it didn't really matter so I'm going to only read the stuff in red and I think I actually managed to do that.

It wasn't until I got a little older, more involved in that youth group and made a few Christian friends that things started to click a little better. Over time and through God's passionate pursuit of me (which is a whole different story altogether) did I grow and mature in the understanding and appreciation of this amazing book. Only later did I learn that the Bible is God’s letter to humanity collected into 66 books written by 40 divinely inspired writers. These writers come from all walks of life and spans over a period of 1,500 years or more. These 66 books talk about history, prophecy, poetry, and theology. Despite their complexity, differences in writing styles and vast time periods, the books of the Bible agree miraculously well in theme, facts and cross-referencing. No human beings could have planned such an intricate combination of books over a 1,500-year time span. No other book gives us more insight into our lives, more hope for our future, and a true path to a relationship with God........wow, I NEED to get into this book but how?

I've done different studies and read books by various Christian authors. I used my bible alongside these and have truly learned a lot. None of those things were wrong and I gained a greater understanding but I was still not in it like I desired to be. I often pray for a thirst for God's word that cannot be quenched in order to keep myself saturated and that is a prayer He has faithfully answered. Even when I'm not in it, I'm wanting to be. Even when I stray, He pulls and once again I've felt the tug but I also sense the tug to have a different approach. Reading the Bible has always intimidated me and He wants me to get past that, He's asking and leading me to get past that.

We recently started a new series at church and this is what it's all about. So far it's been encouraging and I anticipate it will help me gain new ground in this area of my life. God is aligning my desires with His will and is now providing new tools to achieve just that. I just love when I'm aware enough to see and appreciate His hand aligning things like this for His little girl.

Mom of the year

I will definitely not be a contender for that title. I can usually brush it off when one thing happens, but they say things happen in three's and that held true this week. It all started with introducing bananas. She loved them. She had already had apples and rice cereal so I added banana's to the mix and she gobbled it right up. You wiser, more experienced moms are probably already anticipating what problem we faced next. You guessed it, constipation. I stopped that poor girl right up. I should have remembered from nursing school the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apples, and toast) which is the diet of choice to help the opposite problem, in other words they are "binding" foods and I gave 3 of the 4 to her more than once. I noticed how uncomfortable she was and the difficulty she was having and once I realized I was the culprit I felt terrible. Who does that sort of thing? Especially a nurse who is cross trained in pediatrics. It broke my heart and I fed her veggies and prunes for the next several meals but ultimately another course of action that I will not mention was needed. Yep, mom of the year right here.

Incident #2: This is the story I told myself I was going to keep a secret but after blogging about showing "messes" I figured that would make me quite the hypocrite so here it goes. I went to bed, baby monitor in tow the other night and I awoke around 1:45am realizing the volume was up too high because I could hear every time she sighed, rolled over, etc., and it was waking me up so I turned the volume down. Apparently in my sleep daze I turned it down too low because I awoke a little after 7am and glanced at the monitor and saw that she was awake and crying, more like screaming. I jumped out of bed and ran to her room and lost a sock along the way. The poor girl was hysterically gasping, her eyes were red and puffy and I have no idea how long she had been crying. She usually gets up around then anyway so I'm hoping it wasn't for long but I'm thankful I don't know the answer because I have a feeling it was for much longer than my heart could handle hearing. This bothered me and ate away at me for so long. I felt horrible. I still don't think I've forgiven myself for that. Every time I start to get over it I just picture her scared and crying in her crib confused as to why no one is coming to get her. That thought breaks my heart. Thankfully a 6 month old forgets and they forget fast. She was her happy, cheerful self and had no residual sleeping issues so I am confident she really did forget about it. But no, mommy wasn't done doing damage here.

Incident #3: She got this little Pottery Barn chair for Christmas from my mom and she just loves it. She will sit and play with toys in it for 2o or 30 minutes. I think she likes it because she can sit up in it but if she falls to the side or back she is well supported. She was sitting playing in her chair and despite the fact that I was just a foot or two away she did a somersault right off the front. A toy had fallen off of the chair, she went to reach for it and KA-BOOM! It all happened so fast. I think she was scared more than hurt because she settled down rather quickly but I still felt terrible.

Then today...this isn't really an incident, more of a "that could have been bad" sort of thing". She has gotten more purposeful in her rolling and scooting but doesn't usually get very far. I was getting dressed to meet some girls from group for lunch and all of the sudden I heard this slapping and giggling. I peeked my head from my bedroom and she was laying in the middle of the tile floor slapping it and she just thought the noise was so funny. This sounds harmless enough but it's more the fact that I knew the only way she could have gotten to the tile was by rolling which meant she could have clunked her head on the tile at some point. I still don't' know how she managed to pull it off without hitting her head but thankfully she didn't.

No, I will not be a contender for mom of the year.

Show that mess!

I spent some time this morning pureeing sweet potatoes, carrots, and peas. I love making baby food for Elyse. I'm not sure why because those cute little jars look so convenient at the store. I guess I just like knowing exactly what she's eating. It's cheaper, relatively easy, and since I have the time I figure why not. Yesterday I made prunes and I've also done apples, bananas, zucchini and pears. This girl seems to eat anything! I love that about her. As far as babies go she's actually a pretty neat eater because she hasn't yet attempted to feed herself so the whole process is relatively clean outside of a little mess around her mouth. Well tonight she got an itch on her nose or eye or something and when she went to scratch it her tiny little fist went right through the mess. She seemed entertained by the end result or maybe it was just my reaction. Either way one thing she doesn't like is her face being wiped. She's happy to let the mess sit on her face wide out in the open. I love that about her too. Why do people love pictures of babies with food all over their faces? I'm not exactly sure why, but I love it too. There is something so sweet and human about it. We all make messes. Sometimes we're smart enough to learn from it, sometimes we're wise enough to laugh at it, if' we're open about it others may learn from it or at least get some entertainment, other times we just look like goofs. But if we're honest enough to let our "mess" show it seems something could be gained from it.

I've made a lot of messes in my life. Some I'm proud to wear because I've allowed God to use them for good and they have shaped me into who I am today. Other messes haven't proven to be quite as fruitful because I hold onto them, I want to fix it myself or somehow think I've hidden it. Sometimes I don't quite understand the purpose until long after I've been cleansed by the baby wipe of grace. Other times I believe it's allowed to sit and harden a bit just to capture my attention.

I'm thankful for life's messes and the redemptive power that awaits me when I truly turn them over.

Henry

Henry was the very first gift given to Elyse. I wrote about him in the November 15th 2008 portion of an older post . I was just 10 weeks pregnant when Matt's aunt Valerie gave him to our baby. There was just something so special about that bear and he is still very special.

Elyse with Henry back in June, she was just 5 days old.

Elyse with Henry now at just over 6 months old she is starting to gain some ground on his previously gigantic size.

The hat she has on is in a reindeer hat my mom got for her. If she's in the right mood she really cheese's for the camera.

I finally found her a keepsake ornament and it came in the mail yesterday. I'm so glad I searched and bid on these precious little booties that were sold out in stores. I just love them. The ribbon says "Baby's first Christmas"......aren't they sweet?

Happy 2010!

The last few days have been plagued with feeling under the weather. I started getting a sore throat on Monday, by Tuesday I was feeling pretty yucky and on Wednesday I was really feeling terrible. Achy, stuffy, sore throat, the whole nine yards. I try to take it easy, but I tend not to let the excuse of illness keep me down if I can help it. There were just far too many good things this week to allow my sickness to take them from me. Tuesday evening I met up with some friends from college in Lakeland. Our friend Kaci had flown in from San Francisco and us girls enjoyed some great sushi and catching up with one another. Kaci came back to Tampa with me and spent the night with us. She and I both laid around (not sure if we had the same bug or not) the entire day on Wednesday because neither of us were feeling well at all. Thankfully Elyse was a dream child that day by taking great naps and keeping herself thoroughly occupied playing with her toys. My friend Kaci said "It's almost as if she just knows we needed to rest." Whether Elyse really knew or not, I have no idea but I was thankful for her content spirit and restful demeanor none the less.
We had a wedding to go to about an hour out of town for New Year's Eve on Thursday and I wasn't sure I'd even feel up to it but Matt ensured I got a good nights rest and took care of Elyse until I got out of bed which wasn't until after 10am! I must have really needed the sleep and I felt so much better, still not 100% but definitely better and I was glad we would be able to go to the wedding after all. Unexpectedly my mom was sick and she was unable to babysit Elyse for us and I was amazed we were able to find another sitter at the last minute on a holiday like that, but we were. Our usual sitter happened to be available and came to the rescue. We even had another friend from small group offer as well but we had already secured the babysitter at that point. We are truly blessed with great friends and family and it really shows at times like that.

The wedding was nice and the New Year's Eve theme was very festive and cute. One of my favorite parts was an isle of sparklers they had the guests make. It was hard for us to photograph but I'm sure the professional shots came out wonderful for the newlyweds. We left the reception before midnight because we were pretty tired and wanted to get on the road before a lot of other parties ended so we were home just after the beginning of 2010.

New Year's has never been a big deal to me. I've never been one to like staying up super late or making resolutions that I may or may not be able to keep but whether I enjoy the holiday or not, another year has once again passed and I look forward to everything 2010 has in store for us. 2009 will be a tough year to beat, but I have yet to live a year that wasn't better than the one before. Sometimes the circumstances may have seemed better in the past or looking back things may have seemed more in my favor but as cheesy as it sounds each year I live, I laugh, I love, and I grow. Each year I do those things over and over but always a little differently than the year prior. This year my "living" has been filled with more passion and purpose and what I'm truly living for is defining me more and more. The "laughing" has been more often than not at myself as I establish my role as a mother and make my way in the kitchen. Elyse's laughter is a new part of our family and a new sound echoed in the walls of our home. She's still trying to figure out how to express that overflow of happiness and it's just so darn cute when she tries. The "loving" aspect could probably go unspoken. It's the indescribable love that can only come from having a child. Love has been redefined and has added such fullness to my life. Experiencing maternal love has blown me away but so has the new way I love my husband and the kind of love I feel in our marriage now that we have a family. It wasn't lacking before but our cup definitely runneth over now. Growing, ahh growing. It's something I often resist out of fear or insecurity but it tends to happen regardless which is a very good thing. Thanks to a wonderful church and great friends along with personal conviction and a God who searches, stretches, and leads me, I've experienced a tremendous amount of growth this past year. Once again it's been a very, very good year.

Happy 2010!