It seems that lately I either have nothing to do, or a day packed full of activities....I would like a better balance and I'm hoping to achieve that soon.

We had small group at our house on Friday and my week had been so low key I was ecstatic to have the adult interaction and I always love seeing everyone. I was about to explode with wanting to talk and visit that I think I sounded like a crazy person once everyone arrived and we got to catch up. Saturday we stayed home the whole day. Poor Matt has been working so much lately that as much as I wanted to get out, he really needed a little R & R at home, so I happily obliged. At one point in the evening, Elyse had awoken full of smiles from her afternoon nap. We went for a family walk around the neighborhood and gave her a bath once we got home. Matt grilled out while I made some sides in the kitchen and Elyse played on her floor mat, I paused to soak it all in. Her toys rattled and her little mouth cooed while the radio played softly in the background and the house begin to fill with the sounds and smells of family. There are times I feel cooped up or even restricted by these 4 walls, but in that moment I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I'm living the dream and blessed beyond measure.

It's a good thing Saturday was so low key because Sunday was go, go, go. We started out the day at church as usual followed by a wonderful lunch with 3 other couples from group. After that we went to Opa's house (Matt's dad) where I was able to relax by the pool for a bit while the boys played with Elyse....it was exactly what I needed. We left there and went to visit Oma (Matt's grandmother) for a little while. We stopped and ate barbecue at Pit Boss for dinner and I was exhausted when we finally made it home. Poor little Elyse must have been as well because she slept 11 hours straight last night. I don't think she gets very adequate rest when we're on the move like that and we need to try harder to respect her need to sleep by breaking up the busyness. She handles it pretty well and appears to still be a very adaptable baby, but I know that won't last forever.

Harborside MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) starts Wednesday and I am extremely excited about it. I've heard it's one of the best MOPS groups around and I'm looking forward to meeting other mom's. Then on Thursday I have lunch with the girls from small group and Saturday Matt and I have a date night. This weeks seems to be perfectly balanced, I'll have enough to keep me social and get out of the house, but not so busy that I end the week exhausted. Learning to balance my weeks is one of my new goals and I feel like I'm off to a good start...I'll reassess Friday ands see how well I did.

Ok....so I organized my coupons and I'm rather pleased with the end result. They are categorized well for our needs and even somewhat by location in the store, but since I primarily shop at 2 different stores I couldn't do that part perfectly. I have a few things I need to run to the store to get today and I looked at my list and grabbed the appropriate coupons and placed them in the front. Since this is my first trip to the store with my new organizer I'm curious to see how well it functions and how much I save in one trip. Update: I saved $7! Not too shabby!

I also finally ordered a glider for Elyse's room. We have a rocker in there now, but it's mostly wicker and rather old. I tried my best to not get a new chair, but this one just isn't cutting it. The cushion constantly slides out from under your bottom and before you know it the entire chair has slowly scooted back and you're rocking against the wall. I'm looking forward to the smooth gliding, the fact that it swivels, and the fully upholstered aspects of the new one. It should make rocking and reading to Elyse more comfortable for everyone. I doubt you will ever get me to admit that it's worth what it cost, but things seldom are these days. Now the debate will be if we would like to get the ottoman that matches.

Speaking of Elyse, I will be officially staying home with her as of yesterday. I finally put in my 2 weeks notice since my 12 weeks of FMLA will be up soon. I don't think it surprised anyone I worked with, but I couldn't do it any sooner in order to take advantage of the short-term disability the hospital provides. I must say it was a genuinely bitter-sweet moment and I became a victim of the "grass is always greener" syndrome. I am so thankful and ecstatic to be able to be a stay at home mom and I can already see what a wonderful job it is and I feel truly blessed to be doing it. On another note, I'm going to miss that job and my co-workers. They had become like family to me and I honestly loved that job. Many of my friends called me a work-a-hoilic and I know I'll miss the "breaks" it would provide. Why can't I stay at home when I want and go to work if I feel like it, but not really be required to? That's where the grass-is-greener syndrome comes in....there are days I feel cooped up and limited by the things I can do because I have a new baby and we're living on one income. I don't have the ropes figured out yet and I probably never will, this is all a new mind-set for me and I'm still getting used to it. Parts of me would really like to return to work part-time as an outlet and for extra money. Truthfully a teeny portion of me resents that I can't. It's just not possible with Matt's travel and my long hours...no daycare is open from 5am to 8pm which is how long she would have to be there if Matt was out of town and I was scheduled to work. We don't have any family nearby to consistently watch her while I worked and private in-home childcare is too expensive, so you see, I have to stay home. On the flip-side, I shudder at the thought of leaving her in someone else's care like that and I'd be a mess if I had to. I love never missing a thing and knowing that I'm always here with her and for her offers such a sense of indescribable peace. I can't even imagine it any other way. I once again want to have my cake and eat it too. I think I'll actually be able to achieve it once MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers) resumes in September and I can join. I'm really looking forward to that. I will also stay working PRN (twice a month) at UCH which should give me my work outlet and maybe even a little extra money. I just may have figured out a way to have the best of both worlds....we'll see how it goes.

I loved caring for those tiny, fragile babies who didn't get the start their families dreamed of. Parents interview pediatricians, baby-sitters, and research car seats, but they had no choice when it came to me caring for their little one in such a tender state during such a difficult time and it was something I never took lightly and vowed that I never would. It was an honor to be an uninvited guest in each and every family unit for however long that baby was in our NICU. Some were there for months and you couldn't help but become attached and grow close to those babies and their families. I loved it. I loved seeing them grow stronger each and every day and finally get to go home with mom and dad. I loved getting the post-card photos, email updates, and getting invited to first birthday parties where the babies had transformed into thriving toddlers. Sure there were hard times and not so happy endings, the hours were long and my feet hurt a lot...but what job doesn't have the good and bad, highs and lows?

As amazing as that job was, I'm called to one far greater right now. I worked in NICU's for over 7 years and took care of everyone else's kids, now it's time to care for my own. This job will have highs and lows as well, but the payoff will be immeasurable.

2 month visit

We took Elyse for her 2 month well-baby visit today and she did so well! We had to wake her up to take her (which I don't like doing to the poor girl) and I expected her to be a grump but boy did she put on a show for the doctor. She gave some wonderful coo's, smile's, and an extra big poop! She weighed 9-12 (29%), 22.5"(80%) so she's long and thin, and we're told she is developmentally like a 4 month old. I suspected she was a little ahead of schedule because she seems more social than other babies her age and she rolled over for the first time yesterday at just 9 weeks! I was so excited when I saw her do it and bless her little heart, it seemed to startle her when she did. When Matt and I talked about it last night we realized there is such a bitter-sweetness to it...this was one of her first true first's (if that makes sense) and Matt said it made him sort of sad because it will just be a domino effect from here on out of different first's. Her grin's and coo's came on so subtly that it was hard to really define when it happened for the first time, but this was a definite first and we are very proud of her. I can't help but think that her small size made it easier for her to push herself over so soon. She is still in newborn diapers and clothes but starting to get into 0-3 month pj's because of her length.

On another note, our towel rack fell off the wall in our master bathroom yesterday and I wish I knew how to fix it. I'm not handy with stuff like that and Matt is just so busy with work right now that I'm not sure when it will be fixed. I often attempt things I shouldn't and I've learned the hard way to leave well enough alone on certain things, so I'm not even going to venture into this project. A downfall of my personality is I like things done fast...I'm a far cry from a perfectionist based on that, but I still like things done right and those two things don't mix well. I prefer to skip prep work and just dive into ideas or tasks. I get them done in a timely manner and seldom procrastinate, but them I'm frustrated that the end result isn't flawless and could often be called sloppy. I can be quite the weirdo sometimes.

Saturday Elyse and I went to Madeira Beach to spend the day and night with Kristin while Matt went to Sarasota with the boys to do their fantasy football draft. I was SO looking forward to the girl time and some time outdoors....well rain and Elyse fighting naps kept the outdoor part from taking place, but we had great girl time none the less.

I decided to go grocery shopping alone on Sunday and I'm not sure which is worse...going grocery shopping with an infant or dealing with weekend grocery store crowds. I could not believe how many people were at Publix. I normally go on Monday afternoons, so you can imagine my amazement as I played bumper carts going down the isles yesterday. At least I didn't have to worry about Elyse though. Maybe next time I'll try tackling the grocery store on a week night. I also got a coupon organizer (Heather tipped me off that they had them at Target for $1) so this week I'm going to label them and sort the coupons I have.

It took awhile to get my completed belly cast back, but I was finally able to take a few pictures of Elyse in it. She definitely fills the entire space from top to bottom. I have no idea how she ever curled up and fit in there. These are the best pictures I got, but they are the most internet appropriate since she's diaper-less.

Today's pictures just might beat the ones I posted yesterday in the cuteness category....it's a toss up though. She is starting to like tummy time more, but only briefly, and she can hold her head relatively high and steady, but again only briefly.
Today Leanne and Lindsey came over with their babies and counting Elyse there were 4 in my family room! It amazes me how different, yet similar babies can be. They all have their quirks, but yet so many of the sames things please them, just in different ways. Ariella, who will be 2 in November tried out a lot of Elyse's "big girl" toys for her. In a matter of minutes the floor was covered in toys and it made me smile. I'm sure I'll regret saying this at some point, but I look forward to the day when Elyse's toys are scattered around while she walks and talks and gets into things. When I see the vibrant colors of children's toys at people's houses it just looks fun to me. It's like I get an immediate sense of family and I get all warm inside. Maybe it's because having a baby and being a mother is something I looked forward to from the time I could carry a doll and now I'm in it....my bald Cabbage Patch doll that I used to tote around has a head of thin light brown hair and grins when I talk to her.

I see bits and pieces of her little personality unfold more and more with each passing week....it's so hard to imagine what she will be like in another few months or years but I'm excited to peel back the layers and watch her slowly be revealed before my very eyes.

Seriously.....I get to keep her?

Oh....and in case you're thinking she is giving that precious gummy grin to me or Matt, she's not, her favorite pal in the house is Mr. Ceiling Fan. He gets the most smiles, she just loves him.

Distracted

I had a dentist appointment this morning for a scheduled cleaning and a crown replacement. My appointment was at 9am and my cleaning began right on time and was over in about 45 minutes. They moved me to the procedure room where the dentist would "be with me shortly", they were "a little behind schedule". So patiently I sat and waited, my mind began to drift and I remembered our lesson at small group a few weeks back to take advantage of moments just like this. Just as I began to shift my focus an employee came in, apologized for the further delay and popped in a DVD to "help pass the time" and in a matter of minutes my attention was focused entirely on the movie (one I'd already seen at that). Little did I know I would be able to watch the entire movie while waiting on the dentist, but that's beside the point.

I began thinking about it later today and I realized how often I have good intentions but allow myself to get distracted. In this case I should have politely declined the DVD and had a worthwhile book there with me to read or just used the time as quiet time or what I prefer to refer to as "sustained attention" on God (I like that phrase better than meditation, which for some reason seems to weird people out). The point is I was stuck without many options and once I came up with a good one for me, I allowed myself to be quickly and easily distracted and I've realized I do this a lot. If Elyse is down for one of her longer naps I'll think to myself, "I should get out my bible" or "I should use this time to pray", but before I know it, more often than not, I've answered a phone call, decided to return a call, chose to check my email, started laundry or some other chore, or turned on the TV and the thought is long forgotten. I've also noticed being a stay at home mom at the phase we're currently in requires a lot of flexibility to my day and often leaves me house-bound by frequent naps and feedings. This sort of "loose schedule" adds to my ability to put just about anything off until later because "there's always tomorrow". Which reminds me of Thomas Jefferson's famous quote, "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today".

Part of me believes God tries to place me in situations where I don't have many other options. Like when I can't fall asleep or when I awake in the middle of the night or early in the morning, or when I'm stuck for 2 hours in a chair waiting.....just maybe those are nudges asking for my attention. The problem is there is always something willing to distract me (t.v., chores, radio, phones, computers, sleep) and usually the distraction wins. "I can do that later", I tell myself...."but this needs to be done now". Funny how often "later" never comes.

Maybe right now is later, I should probably stop distracting myself.

Who made the water cold?

I was giving Elyse her bath the other night and once the bath was over and her little tub was draining I started rinsing her off. All of the sudden the water felt cold and I couldn't figure out what happened when I noticed this tiny fist wrapped tightly around the faucet. I'm just thankful she turned it cold instead of hot, that could have been bad.

Monday ramblings

We had a very busy weekend as usual. I'm finding I look forward to weekends more now that I stay at home than I ever did when I was working. I'm not quite sure why that is though. I'm sure in part it's because Matt loves to do things for and with Elyse and anyone with a child knows how wonderful an extra set of hands are. Maybe it's because we go and do so much...either way, I'm always thankful for Friday.

This past Friday I went to my friends Rachel's birthday dinner in Lakeland. It was a lot of fun and I had a really good time. The best part was that Matt had baby duty for all of Friday evening and night...poor guy though, it was the first night in a couple of weeks that Elyse woke up a few times. He handled it so well and I greatly appreciated it.

Saturday we went over to the McClung's for a barbecue and we always have a good time over there. Sunday found us with Matt's family in Port Richey enjoying lunch outside surrounded by the laughter and squeal's of playing children. I love that sound. Elyse slept through the whole thing. I love that sound too.

I took a few pictures but I forgot my camera at the McClung's, so I'll have to post them when I get it back. It may not sound like we did much, but we were seldom at the house and it never fails to amaze me that the less we are here, the bigger mess we leave behind as we walk out the door. Oh well, that's what Monday's are for....recovering from the weekend. I managed to only forget 2 things on my grocery list and I already have almost all the laundry done.

Speaking of grocery shopping I'm trying to do things differently and more budget conscious that ever before....yet our grocery bill is the highest it's ever been, so obviously I need to get better at it. I know I should watch the ads and buy what's on sale at the different retailers, combine that with coupons, and create my weekly meal menu based on that but it's easier said than done. It isn't easy lugging a newborn in a car seat from store to store to buy chicken breast here and broccoli there. She typically gets hungry at or between stores which really throws a wrench into things. There I am with a screaming baby and a cart full of thawing frozen goods. Today I made it home, but once here she awoke and was hungry which left my groceries pre-cooking in the Florida heat still in the back of my car. My other option is to visit different stores on different days, but that doesn't really appeal to me. I could try to hit a couple of stores on a weekend and leave Elyse with Matt, but I like to leave our weekends errand and chore free if it's something I can accomplish during the week. Ugh.

My other problem is that I usually forget my list or my coupons and if I remember my coupons I forget to use certain ones because I don't have an organizer for them yet. I priced organizers online and what people want to charge for them would take up 2 weeks worth of coupons. I keep meaning to buy supplies to make my own, but the thought never makes it to the shopping list, so here I sit typing about it. I will get better at this. Rest assured in a few months time I'll be able to write my own little praise report about a lower grocery bill, organized coupons, and a more efficient way to grocery shop....I hope anyway.

Baby talk

Maybe it's just me, but I think this video is cute. You take your entertainment where you can get it when you're home all day.

I don't know what it is about a baby in a hat that just melts my heart, especially when it's PJ's. Practicality wise it makes no sense, especially in Florida, but I just think it's adorable.

This is one of the first pictures that I feel like has actually been able to capture how blue her eyes are.

I think she knows how stinkin' cute she is.

Her rash is looking MUCH better after a weekend of keeping it clean, dry, baby powder with corn starch, followed with some Cetaphil to moisturize on day 2 of treatment. It's not completely gone, but it's worlds better than it was. It's so nice to see it looking so much better.
She is 7 weeks old today and I must say the last week has been the best one yet! She travels well, sleeps good, and has really taken off with her social smiles and cooing. These are just some photos of me trying to be the photographer I'm not. Although for every 100 I take I can sometimes get one or two that are worth posting. I think she looks pretty darn cute.

Yesterday we went to lunch with Mark and Kathy at the Cheesecake Factory at the International Mall. There is the cutest little boutique there and I got Elyse an adorable little dress for an upcoming family picture. I fell in love with these adorable little sandals to go with it, but Matt has a rule...."if you can't walk, you don't need shoes".....so Kathy bought them for her :). It was all on clearance so I really feel like we lucked out. Seeing her little dress hanging there like that reminded me of a picture I have of my own wedding dress and it made me realize that someday it will be her wedding dress hanging just like that...oh how I hope I can soak in the moments in between.

Saturday night Elyse went nearly 10 hours between feedings and I woke her up! Honestly....it made me so nervous I cried. It was her first night in her crib in her room (she has been in a bassinet in ours). I awoke early in the morning before dawn and my stomach turned. Did I not hear her on the monitor and she screamed for hours to the point of exhaustion? I checked the monitor and all was fine. I leaned over to Matt and said...."She never got up last night, I'm going to go check on her." After reading an article about SIDS just days prior, nothing but the worst was going through my mind and my eyes welled up with tears as I opened her bedroom door. The darkness and silence of the house exacerbated my fears and I could almost hear my own heart beating in my chest, "God...please let her be okay and if for some reason she's not....", I approached her crib and leaned my head over to peek. The rise and fall of her little chest was so subtle I questioned if I was really seeing it. I placed my hand on her little round cheek to make sure she was warm to the touch and as I touched her she grunted, squirmed, and a tear went down my cheek. In the past week or two she's slept 5 or 6 hour stretches and 8 hours once, but never 10. Maybe every new parent goes through something like that the first time their child sleeps that long, or maybe I'm just an overly nervous wreck...either way I let out the biggest sigh of relief ever, I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. I'm so proud of how she seems to be getting her days and nights straight though. Even when she does wake at night it's just to briefly nurse and then she goes right back to sleep for another several hours. She is such a good little girl at night....day time naps can sometimes be another story, but those are MUCH easier to handle than being up at night.

I am really starting to notice changes daily in Elyse. She is much more responsive to sights and sounds, and really tries to focus on things. I decided to get her play mat out for the first time today and she really seemed to like it.
She has also gotten rather good at tummy time and can hold her head high and briefly push herself up. This picture during tummy time also shows her pitiful rash...I'm not sure what it's from and it just breaks my heart to see it consuming her precious face. The ointment I've been using (which is why her face looks greasy) doesn't seem to be helping much. At her last visit the doctor said it was from skin to skin contact, but it's gotten worse and I just don't think that's what it is. I'm starting to think it's heat rash...if that's the case, I need to stop the ointment. Either way, if it doesn't improve over the weekend I think I'll take her to be seen. It's hard to know what to do as a new mom and I constantly question my own choices and decisions. I don't want to over-react at every little thing, but it's my child and I don't want to under-react either....it's hard.

Wonderful day!

Yesterday Leanne let us borrow a baby wrap specifically made for swaddling since Elyse has been squirming out of her receiving blanket and waking herself up with her hands. We used it last night and Elyse went 8 hours between feedings!!!! I couldn't believe it when I heard her stirring and looked at the clock...I grinned from ear to ear and whispered to her how proud of her I was that she slept so good all night. She quickly, quietly, and sleepily ate and drifted right back to sleep for another 2 hours. We will definitely be purchasing one of these soon.

I felt so refreshed by the uninterrupted sleep that I was able to get in a stroller-free 2 mile jog before Matt left for work. It was so much nicer out first thing in the morning and I really enjoyed the solitude. The only sounds I heard were rustling of leaves, the scurry of lizards, and the patter of my sneakers on the pavement. There was just something so peaceful and rejuvenating about it.

This afternoon my mom and her husband Tim were kind enough to come over and watch Elyse while I went to a hair appointment. That gave me such a nice little break and an opportunity to have a little pampering. What is it about someone else washing your hair that just feels so wonderful? I even ran a couple of errands afterward and I completely forgot how fast and easy it is to get in and out of places without lugging a car seat, stroller, or diaper bag. It felt a little weird to leave her, but I knew my mom was the next best thing if not better, than me caring for her myself. I was baby-free for 4 hours and I'm glad that Elyse, mom, and Tim were able to have some time together. It meant a lot to have them drive an hour just to see her and help me out. Hopefully Elyse behaved so they'll be open to doing it again some time.

Let's cross our fingers we have another glorious night and wonderful day tomorrow!

Today Elyse and I went to visit our friend Leanne and her new baby boy Christian. He was born just 4 days before Elyse but he is quite a bit bigger than her. Elyse immediately fell for his handsome good looks...aren't they adorable together.

Here she is some really cute pj's. I like to dress her in stuff like this right now because she doesn't know how to pull silly hats of her head yet so I want to take advantage of it while I can. I think babies are so cute it hats, no matter how silly.

Here is her classic "tummy time" face, can't you just tell how much she loves it? She's actually gotten better about it and I can really tell that she's getting stronger.

Elyse and I before bed. Her hair seems lighter to us than it did when she was born...that, or it's thinning and falling out.

There isn't a whole lot for me to report on for the last several days, although I've noticed some changes in myself and Elyse.

For weeks she has needed to be in the swing, sling, rocked, or walked to sleep. It often didn't take long, but she definitely liked the motion to be able to drift off smoothly into slumber. I began noticing on a couple of occasions that she would appear drowsy without any assistance from motion, so I decided to follow her cues and act on it. So for most of last week I began encouraging and assisting her to fall asleep on her own and I'm amazed at how fast I noticed progress! I can now lie her in her crib awake but drowsy, and she can usually drift off to sleep with little assistance from me. I have even seen her wake up in the middle of a nap and put herself back to sleep in a matter of minutes which is wonderful for a baby that's not even 6 weeks old. This progress has also made her much more pleasant in the car (which previously didn't seem to be enough motion for her) and has recently began falling asleep, a huge step up from the past screaming. I am very proud of her and it made me feel good as her mother to see the fruition of my efforts pay off so quickly and in such a big way....which is where I noticed the change in me.

I was probably overly excited by all of this and I found myself talking about it to Matt entirely too much, and I'm sure he would agree. I've noticed that when someone asks me how I'm doing my answer instantly involves the changes, highs, and lows of how Elyse is doing. I seldom find myself even acknowledging my own personal feelings, thoughts, triumphs, or defeats....almost as though my sense of self is a little lost in all of this. I don't mean this negatively at all, it's more just an observation.

On a "night-sleep" note, she had been waking up every 2 to 3 hours at night again and I was feeling it's effects. I wasn't sure what caused the regression, but after the last couple of nights I think it may have just been a growth spurt. Friday and Saturday night she went 6 hours, woke up to eat once (never even opening her eyes), and immediately slept another 3 to 4 hours....it was wonderful to only have to get up once during the night. I never thought the tiniest things would make me so proud of her. You guessed it though, this sudden change in her routine caused me to be thrown all out of whack and I laid in bed awake most of both nights....I have confidence I will adjust though because I had finally been sleeping well.

Last night Matt and I stayed up until around 1am just sitting on the couch, talking, and listening to the radio. When we finally got to bed I whispered to myself, "What sane parents of a 5 week old stay awake until 1am?". The answer was clear though, without ever saying it out loud we mutually recognized the importance of maintaining times of close connection. No matter how few and far between they may become, the effort and recognition of that crucial time is there and it's a foundational truth that will strengthen the backbone of this family as long as we're intentional and persistent. This same effort and recognition convicted me...my personal time spent with God is not what it needs to be. As important and critical as closely connecting with my husband is, that connection pales in comparison to the life-line I need to have with Him. Maybe it means staying up until 1am or getting up before the sun, I'm not sure. Either way I need to relentlessly persevere in this area of my life and while right now nothing else about my day may ever be consistent, that needs to be. Slacking and feeling like a failure at this has often greatly discouraged me in the past, but I'm coming to the realization that He knows I'm imperfect, He recognizes my efforts, and He is always happy to hear from me. However, as I learn and I grow I'm beginning to see His standards and desires for me don't change or lessen simply because my circumstances change. I need to once again re-visit how to prioritize this area.