Corn meal

I found a 5 year expired  bag of corn meal in the back of our pantry on Friday.  I'm still wondering how it made the pantry sorting with our move in July.  Either way, to go along with some Montessori type ideas I've been doing lately for Elyse, this is what we did with it.

Friday evening was couples night out with the MOMS Club which was fun.  Saturday, Matt went golfing with some of the husbands while the wives got together and played with the kiddos.  That evening we went on a family walk to the bridge at the front of our subdivision where Elyse like to throw pine cones into the pond.  While we were there, for the first time, I noticed a nice sized hill off to the side and immediately thought of the fun little toddler list.  I climbed up the hill with her and we held hands as we ran down.  Of all the things we've done the past few days that I've taken pictures of, this was the one I wish I had a freeze frame of.  No camera with us but I'll store it in my mental photo album.  A hill.  Seems so simple in hindsight.  How had the kid not ever run up or down a hill? 

The best part was, with all of Elyse's enthusiasm over the hill, Matt decided to roll down it on his side like we did as kids.  He rolled fast!  It took him awhile to shake the dizziness and he nearly tossed his cookies, but it sure did impress Elyse.

I've completed, start to finish, 4 loads of laundry today.  I need to finish up my bible study homework for the week, put together a photo book before my gift card expires tomorrow, print off some forms and make some deposits for moms club, and work on 2 projects I want to do for Elyse. 

Time to get to it!

"Pour center"

That's what we named the water area Elyse and I set up today.  I'm determined to be more fun and a little more care-free.......outside works great for that!

I filled different shapes and sizes of containers with water.  Some with handles, some without, some breakable, some plastic.  We took her little table and tea set out onto the patio and let her go to town.  Eventually her baby doll, bath tub and washcloths, all got added to the mix.  She had such a good time!  It didn't take long for the clothes to start coming off as well.  Good thing we were out back today, otherwise two days in a row of a naked toddler might make the neighbors question my sanity more than they already do. 

 I love her dainty right hand while she's pouring.

 The face she made when the lid got stuck on the "sugar".

We also went to the zoo today before naps.  I love Lowry Park Zoo, so does Elyse.  It was gorgeous weather and we went with a good friend and former co-worker and her son. 

 Matt claimes I spend 35 hours researching double strollers before purchasing this one.  He probably isn't exagerating.  Both girls are loving it so far and it's great to run with (when I make the time).

 These are two Okapi's.  An animal that looks like a cross between a horse, zebra and giraffe was recently rediscovered in 2006.  They are beautiful.  Elyse didn't understand why they weren't a zebra though.

 She did end up in her buddy's stroller though.  She loves to ride in other cars, strollers, go in other houses.....she has ZERO stranger danger which we are working on.  I'm trying to teach her that not everyone has Jesus in their heart so those people may not know what's best for her like her parents do.  Not sure if that's a good way to start the conversation or not but it's what we're going with for now.

 Adley being Adley, good and going with the flow.

 The Flying Bananas ride.  Love.

 Slides.  Love.

My day today:
Adley's early morning feeding that she falls asleep again right after but I stayed up with my bible only for Elyse to wander out a few moments later.
Prepare for our day
Zoo
Lunch/Naps
P90X legs and back, P90X abs
Dusted
Cleaned all 3 bathrooms
Pour center with Elyse
Shook all rugs
Vacummed and steam cleaned floors
Played Play-doh
Dinner
Baths

Intertwined in there is breastfeeding, diapers, cleaning up a potty mess when she didn't quite make it, 2 neighborhood girls came over, load of dishes, wiped boogers.....you get the idea.

I'm exhausted.  The first time I sat down all day was at dinner.  I'm taking it easy tomorrow!

Mud pies

I read this on a blog this week.

"Last week Cow & Gate, a U.K. formula and baby food company, released their "potty list"-- the top activities all children should experience by the age of three. To compile the list the site asked more than 1000 (European) parents what they considered to be the most important milestones toddlers accomplish by age three. Here are the top ten must do activities:


1. Make a mud pie
2. Bake a cake
3. Finger paint
4. Sing loudly in public
5. Climb a big hill
6. Pick fruit
7. Dance without any inhibitions
8. Make sandcastles on the beach
9. Be chased by a monster
10. Jump in a puddle so hard the water went in mummy's shoe too

Notice that learning how to plie, count to ten in Espanol, and categorize reptiles are nowhere on this list. If Gerber had conducted the same survey, I'm willing to bet memorizing the ABC's and completing a 12-piece puzzle would have topped their responses."

 I'm guilty.  Not that we don't have fun and not that we drill our daughter or have her perform hours on end of flash cards, nothing of the sort.  However, I'm the "clean mom".  I don't like getting out the play-doh or letting her run rampant in sand boxes right before nap.  We have done all but 2, maybe 3 (not sure about the big hill), of the things on this list but mud pies we had never done.  Today we made them.

 Throw in some sifting and it was quite the afternoon.  She ended up in nothing but her bright pink Crocs by the end of it.  She went right into the bathtub afterward but we will definitley be doing it again.

I've also added dried lima beans and uncooked bow-tie pasta to her faux kitchen food and she has had the best time with them.  Sorting, counting, cooking, scooping, moving them.  The pasta and lima beans are teaching her more than any other toy we have.  It's impressive.

Next on the list.....pick fruit.  Not sure where we will do that.  Hmmmm, a neighbors yard has a plantain tree..........

"I can do it allllllll by myself!"

That sentence rings through our house over and over these days.  It's a joy watching her express her independence and embark on new challenges alone.  I love celebrating with her as she exclaims "I did it!" when she's finally pulled her leggings on without assistance.  Like many mommy moments, it's bitter sweet.  I'm finding myself being surprisingly emotional about the simple act of her using the restroom. 

She was potty trained young and petite, but we had to help with every aspect of her going to the restroom.  She need to be lifted onto and off of the potty, wiped, helped onto our tall stool, and assist her with hand washing.  Some of our best conversations happened during the process in the small, private quarters of our bathroom.  She developed a sense of humor about the whole thing asking all about #1 and #2 and the cultural norms pertaining to those two vital functions.  Often we talked about anything but that and I really think she enjoyed the focused, undivided attention during that time.

Today, for the first time, she went and I didn't even know it.  She didn't announce it on her way like usual or come to celebrate with me after she was done.  She just did it.  All alone.  The whole thing.  Pants off, potty, wipe, pants on, wash hands......entirely without me, my hands or my encouragement.

Once I realized what had taken place I just watched her in her room, diligently trying to dress her doll, and I felt that twinkle in my eye.  The twinkle that is full of pain as much as it is pride, joy as much as it is sorrow, surprise as much as it is expectation.  I think they call it a "twinkle in your eye" because it's a rare phenomena of beaming light and emotional tears.

I read this in an article this past week about the joys and challenges of parenting any number of children and when you're feeling weak and crowded  in the process to remember,
“.......you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone. For what? Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.”

My ultimate goal is a healthy independence for her and I used to think she was the only one that would need preparing for it.  I'm realizing both of us have to be strong enough for her to leave (and cleave). 

She's growing up.  Independence.  I didn't expect it to shake me so much with such young kids.  Endless days meeting constant needs, you'd think I'd welcome the word.  Geesh, with a 2 year old and 4 month old, I amazed I still know how to spell it.  Today, in this captured moment, nothing awakens me more.  She is relying on me to do this the very best that I can so she has the opportunity to be everything God designed her to be......even when it hurts. 






Just phone pictures but she's still just so darn sweet!

Busy week

I can hardly believe it's been over a week since I last posted. We had a very busy week, a little too busy. I'm thinking the girls and I may need to slow down our weekly activities a bit and enjoy some more together at home.

Elyse had a couple of outbursts and meltdowns during activities this week and I truthfully think it was her way of saying we need to slow down a bit. I've recently been convicted of how well I run my household (laundry, floors, bathrooms, dishes, etc) but I'm not giving Elyse enough one on one time in the process. I need to organize my time better where both are accomplished.

I started the home workout DVD system called P90X this week and my oh my! I'm loving the way I dislike it. I told Matt it's like a stick vac or steam mop for the body. I don't look forward to using it but I like the way I feel after it's done, and like mopping, it's much less work if I stay on top of it.

I also resumed Women in the Words weekly bible study this semester and we are going to dissect the book of Joshua. I'm so excited to see what God will do with my small group for the study. With introductions alone it was so evident God's orchestrated this multi-generational, wide range of walks and needs group. It feels so good to be back and have such great accounatability to be in the word.

Matt and I are also starting a New Testament class at church tomorrow in lieu of joining a new small group as part of the restructuring the church is doing.

Today my dad and his wife took Elyse and my sisters older 2 girls to Bush Gardens for the day. Around 8pm they brought back an excited, running in circles, non-napped 2 year old. It's so evident she had a blast with all of them! After quite the over-tired meltdown she passed right out. Matt and I enjoyed the quiet, low-key day with just Adley and had a great lunch on the beach and I enjoyed the first nap I've had in a long time. I forgot how great naps were. The quiet house was a nice change but we sure did miss our little pumpkin pants. I'm excited to see the stories she will tell us tomorrow.

This didn't go so well

I've posted a few pictures I've taken for friends and in the past few weeks I've had several people contact me, wanting to pay me for my services.  I've never been paid.  I didn't really think I wanted to be.  This week though, I accepted my first paying job for a member of our MOMS club.  On a scale of 1-10, the experience and pictures were a 4.  It was so difficult and challenging and stressful, but my oh my did I learn a ton!!!!

Doing this for her made me excited and scared.  I truly, truly lack confidence with this and it showed.  She made suggestions for where she thought the pictures would look good and right away I didn't think it would work but I didn't trust myself enough to make that judgement at this point.  Long story short it was just hard.  The lighting was bad, there wasn't a good background, it was cold out so outside was nearly impossible, the baby was too old for sleepy shots but too young for personality to show, the toddler was not having any of it and I had both of my girls with me.  It was chaos. 

When I left I refused the money.  I've sent her the pictures and she seems pleased.  I'll post a few of the okay ones below because Matt says I'm just being too hard on myself.  Maybe that's partly true, but I also know it could have been much better.  The things are learned are priceless though.  It cost me hours of time but I really did enjoy the challenge.

Can you hear me now?

Almost nightly it's been stirred in me to write down this story.  It's a story from years ago, when I first became an RN.

While earning my degree, I went to school during the day and worked at a local hospital as a nurse intern in the evenings and on weekends.  I worked in the well-baby nursery and NICU assisting nurses and physicians with various things.  Sometimes I was an extra set of hands at an intense delivery, other times I refilled diapers and cleaned bassinets, always I was learning.  Finally I graduated and began the process of getting comfortable in the skin of this new title.  

One Sunday evening while driving to work I heard a voice.  I had never heard this voice before and I'm unsure if it would have been audible to anyone but me since I was alone in the car.  It sounded distant but very clear.  It began, in detail, describing a situation that I would be encountering that night at work.  It was precise and descriptive, informing me that there was going to be a mother there who will have lost a baby.  I was given words to tell her and the voice was gone.

What just happened?  I contemplated picking up the phone and calling someone just to have another person process this with me, but as I pulled into the parking lot I glanced at the clock and realized I only had 2 minutes left to clock in without being late.  I gave my head a quick little shake as if I was physically shedding the encounter like a dog does with water after a bath.

I scurried up the stairs, looked over my patient assignments, grabbed charts and took report.  The evening began like they all did, in a hustle, double checking the previous shifts work and mapping out a game plan for the 12 hours that lie ahead.  Several hours passed and my one sided conversation in the car was quickly forgotten. 

The evening crept on and began to slow down like most nights on night-shift.  I was walking around putting away charts and supplies when a labor and delivery nurse came in asking to borrow the NICU's camera.  Another nurse went and got it for her and asked her what she needed it for.  The labor and delivery nurse said, "I have a patient with a fetal demise."  Overhearing this I froze.  My charts hit the floor as the support of my hands collapsed beneath them.  All eyes turned to me and I began to get teary eyed.  My heart is racing even as I type this, just like it did that night. 

Had I heard from God?  Was I going to listen?  I had been a Christian for as long as I could remember but my faith was still very young, and to be used by God?!  Well that was just crazy!  I was nowhere near ready or equipped for that.

Not knowing what else to do I explained to the nurses in the room what had happened on my drive and I started to shake.  The labor nurse said, "Well you can come talk to her if you want, she's pretty nice."  She turned and walked away and that was all I knew about this mom and her situation.  She'd lost a baby and she's pretty nice.  What in the world was I supposed to do with that?

Many, certainly not all, losses we encountered at work were drug related, from physical abuse, or just improper prenatal care altogether.  What if this was a crack mom going through withdrawals?  If so, if not, it didn't matter.  Either way, what right did I have to go into a complete strangers hospital room at a time like this?  The mother, this family, is mourning, is hurting, is attempting to cope with the loss of a baby.  You don't just walk in and spew words, especially as awful as I am at verbalizing my thoughts.  I had no children of my own, how could I even begin to relate?  How dare me, was all I could think. 

The internal battle continued and I finally realized it had to have been God.  Why me though?  I'm not good at stuff like this.  Surely someone else around had a broad-band connection with God and the delivery of this "message" could be done much more smoothly than my sputtering dial-up.   I had never even shared the gospel or walked the Roman road with someone.  Then I realized that wasn't what was being asked of me at all.  He had given me the words already, I just had to obey. 

I exited the NICU and found the patients room number on the labor and delivery assignment board.  I walked slowly, the sound my shoes against the sterile tile seemed so loud.  I paused outside of her door.  Would a tossed bed pan meet me on the other side as soon as I began to speak?  I listened.  Silence.  I lightly knocked, if she didn't answer that was my free pass.  I held my breath. 

"Come in."
Oh no.....here we go.  I was starting to tremble. 
I walked in and introduced myself. 
She laid patiently in her bed, awaiting me to continue.
I couldn't shake the thought that a baby was born in here that never took it's first breath.
She looked peaceful, calm, but the red rims around her eyes spoke of the tears spilling moments ago.
The towel wrapped around her head, fresh from a shower,  made me wonder if she had been letting warm water pour onto her face to dull the pain or awake her from this nightmare. 
She was African-American and had full cheeks that I'm sure were beautiful when she smiled. 
She wasn't smiling.
I can't do this.
I have to do this.
The silence was thick and heavy, we just stared at each other.
I started to cry.
The words started spewing out fast.
"I'm not sure if you're a Christian or if you believe in God, but I am and I do and I'm pretty sure He spoke to me about you tonight."  I continued, "As I was driving to work He told me there was going to be a mom here that will have lost a baby."  I paused, recalling the words, "He wanted me to tell you that He has her and that this isn't for you to understand.  That part kept repeating, that this isn't for you to understand."  I finished, "That's all."  And I wiped my eyes, wanting to run and wanting to wait.

She started hysterically crying and before I knew it she was hugging me shouting praises to God.
"I have 3 other children at home and we haven't told them yet", she said.  "My husband and I have been praying all day for God to help us understand this so we would have something to tell our kids." 
I began sobbing, still clenched in her arms.
Both of our bodies shook with the tears and she pulled me back, looking me right in the eyes.
She just kept thanking me, "I have something to tell my kids now, and my whole church for that matter." 
I whispered thanks to God.
She was still crying but her smile, it was so big.  Her cheeks so cheerful and her eyes were so bright.  The air in the room was transformed.
I was transformed.
He used ME, little ol' insignificant, sinful, stubborn, selfish, prideful ME.

I told the story at church that Sunday.  I had never stood in front of people for that reason before but people needed to know.....God will use anyone that listens and if He only used perfect people nothing would ever get done.
What if I hadn't obeyed?
He never promised it would be comfortable but He did provide everything that was needed in that situation.
The common phrase, "He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called", was so very true that night.
A hurting mother prayed to a comforting savior and God answered that specific prayer with the specific word she had been asking for. 
How incredible is that?!

After that experience I recalled several other situations where I had felt similar promptings.  None that specific, but in hindsight, God was speaking to me.  I didn't know how to recognize it but I learned, for me, it had been much more subtle than the voice of the great Oz, which for some reason I expected.

It wasn't fancy and I wasn't asked to sell everything I owned and move to a third world country to live my life.  He had a message for a mom, He just needed messenger.   I've learned many times that long before time had time, God has seen each moment, including that one. He saw a hurting mother in need of a word. He saw a nurse at work with a heart for the hurting. He put both in the same building on the same night so the second could encourage the first. Multiply that tiny event by billions, and behold the way God sustains His world if we do our part too.

Adley's 4 months old

At her visit today she was off the charts for height at almost 26 inches and 14 pounds 12 ounces (78%). She is my big ball of sweetness! Best news of the day.....she is 2 months ahead in hand-EYE coordination! Go figure! God is so good! He's had her all along!

Happy 1/3 birthday sweet girl!



Loves to swing

I'm toying with lighting and settings to teach myself a few things.  I'm getting a little better....

 Her version of a "silly" face!  Love that kid!

Baby L Pics

A friend of mine had a new baby about a week ago and asked me to take a few pictures of him today.  I'm so proud of his mommy!  She had a home birth after her first was delivered by cesarean at just 34 weeks and had to stay in the NICU.  This mommy knew she could do it and she did!  Right on time, her second little boy was delivered safely at home and everyone is doing great! 

I always have a hard time when people ask me to take pictures.  I LOVE doing it, I really do, but I also have no clue what I'm doing.  I shoot away and hope a few turn out.  This mommy wanted to pay me and there was no way I was going to accept it.  I told her I was happy to do it but to keep her expectations low.  You get what you pay for, which as long as I remain free, doesn't give people room to complain and that makes me happy and keeps it low pressure for me which in turn allows me to continue to enjoy doing it.

Here's a few from today:

Enjoy your new addition!

Keeping my word

We were all eating dinner together the other night and mid-meal Elyse asked to use the bathroom.  We got her out of her booster seat to go and she asked me to go with her (she can go on her own now).  I only had a couple of bites left to finish and I told her I would come in there (sometimes she takes awhile and needs help pulling her pants back up) when I was finished. 

I finished my dinner and began cleaning up the dishes and putting leftovers away.  A few moments later she walked out of the bathroom, all finished with her business, and said "Mommy never came in there."

It was like a dagger to my heart.  I got sidetracked, plain and simple.  I'm a disorganized hurrier.  I want things done right away but I'm scattered brained about getting them done so I get sidetracked extremely easily.  It's a trait I love and despise.  I can get a lot accomplished quickly (love) but I'm like a hurricane with a poorly defined eye getting them done (despise). 

Back to the story (see, I got sidetracked again).......It was the first time she has ever pointed out a time when I didn't keep my word.  Probably not the first time I've broken it, but definitely the first time she was vocal about it.  We refrain from using phrases like "I promise" because we strive for our word to be reliable, something she can trust, be sure of and rely on, without having to specify it's a promise.  We said it, that means we'll do it, plain and simple. 

I quickly set my soapy sponge aside and knelt down so we were eye to eye.  I apologized I didn't keep my word with her, gave her a hug and she was off to play, visibly unfazed by the event.  She didn't need my excuses or explanation of dirty dishes distracting me, she needed me to acknowledge I was wrong and I was sorry, she didn't care why, it didn't matter.

Apologies without the "but" following often go against the humanness in me, the never ending battle to suppress pride.  I see this battle surfacing in her already and it's one I need to fight with diligence.  She has difficulty apologizing for her actions, especially face to face, even if it's with her infant sister.  When she's been in the wrong and knows an apology, ownership, of her actions is expected, the battle she's fighting becomes visible.  She collapses to the floor or clings to my leg, whining begins, tears start to pour.  Occasionally she will try to mutter a flippant "sorry" with eyes closed and attitude in her voice but she's coming to realize this isn't acceptable no matter how many times we engage in this war. 

I was lying in bed that night going over the events with Matt and having a hard time with it.  It wasn't just the guilt that I had broken my word or the feeling that I'd let her down, it was how much she's changing and noticing without saying a word.  How many times has something like this happened and she didn't say a thing?  How many chances do I get to prove that I'm trustworthy and reliable?  We've been shaping her since birth but that event told me we're entering a whole new level of parenting and it's intimidating.  It also let me know that the fact that she pointed out that I hadn't kept my word must mean she normally perceives me as someone who keeps it.  That made me feel good. 

She's extremely willful, spirited, stubborn....whatever word you chose, it's Elyse.  Neighbors, teachers, friends have all noticed it in different ways on different occasions and I realized long ago I had a challenge cut out for me.  I first must be an example, or role model worth following, that is an eye opening conviction that will make us both better people.

With her explosive emotions that must be tamed, comes an intense sweetness that I simply could not do without.  She periodically asks me, "Mommy, are you happy?"....showing me she's aiming to please and concerned for others.  I'm so thankful for that. 

Happy 2012!

We brought in the New Year with Matt's family by spending the weekend at Gaylord Palms in Orlando.  Matt's dad and Kathy, along with her daughter Michele's family and son Bobby's family, plus us Borrack's, spent the weekend enjoying the hotel, meeting characters and getting frostbite in the ICE exhibit.  There were 8 adults and 7 grand kids.  I must say, I was very impressed with how well it all went.  The kids to great and the adults behaved too ;).  It was tiring and fun.  Elyse stayed up WAY too late both nights but no one in our room managed to watch the ball drop.

I'm not much of a New Year's person.  I like that Matt gets extra time off from work, but that's about it.  I did set a couple of goals for this year but they needed to be set regardless and probably would have happened had the year changed or not.  However, it was a wonderful excuse to celebrate with family and ponder what an amazing year 2011 was for us.....new house, new baby, new friends, potty training, preschool, crib emptied and refilled, and growth.....on all levels, happened in this house.  Like most, I'm looking forward to what's in store for us in 2012!

I'll post some pictures from this weekend.

 Getting in some warm clothes before ICE.

 Looking at the crocs and turtles.

 Crocs and turtles inside the hotel!

 Sweet, sweet baby girl.

 Daddy and Elyse

 Putting on her mittens.

 Bundling Adley....as we went through you could hardly see anything but her eyes.  Opa (Matt's dad) happily pushed her around in the stroller and he said Adley enjoyed the ICE sights very much.

 Shrek was the theme this year.  Elyse has never seen the movie but she immediately fell in love with the characters.

 There were 4 slides made of ice.  Elyse was unsure at first but of course asked to go again.

 Nativity scene all of ice.

 Watching a live Christmas performance in the hotel.

 Who knew watching a glass elevator would be so fascinating. 

 This is a habit I love and am afraid of.  It's so easy, she soothes herself and it's always available.  However, I sucked my thumb until I was 9 and it took an orthodontic appliance to prevent me from getting my thumb in my mouth to get me to stop.  Of course I also had buck teeth and needed braces as well.  I've tried to get her to take a pacifier and once she can maneuver it on her own maybe she will take to it better.  Either way she looks so darn sweet doing it.

 Opa and his girls

 Characters at breakfast New Year's day making the kids honorary Ogres.

 Of course, she loved him.  Looked for him everywhere!

 Adley got to meet him too.

 5 of the 7 with Fiona.

 Big hug for Puss n' Boots.

 Opa showing Adley the koi pond.

 Elyse playing shapes on my phone.  She works it better than I do.

 Some lion from some movie we don't know of.

 Same for the huge Panda.

 A family of Ogre's.  Adley was asleep in the stroller.

 A cookie named Gingy.

 That night we ate at the T-Rex restaurant at Downtown Disney.  It was pure chaos down there Sunday night.  Very, very crowded but the food was great, atmosphere pure Disney and great company.

 Elyse watching the "meteor shower" that happened every 15-25 minutes.....we were there for several.

 Adley, enjoying everything as always.

 Make a funny face!

 Smile!

Bedtime books with his beauties.  We began reading to Elyse several times a day when Elyse was just 2 months old and have continued it everyday since.  It's been a harder routine to get into with Adley but Matt does a much better job than I do of making sure she gets read to as well.

Wow.  That was a lot of pictures.