I'm going to be honest......

there are some things I am and some things I'm not. The things I'm not creep up and bother me sometimes. I'm not super organized. I keep a clean house, but clean is different than organized. I'm not a good cook or an organized shopper. I was just dicing up chicken breast for tonight's chicken enchiladas and I got sad. I couldn't help but think to myself......I'm making this again? It's been a few weeks since I've made it and it's a dish we both like a lot, but I feel like I make them a lot. As I was dicing I tried to go through my mental list of dinners that I make on a regular basis and I realized I'm not a good or creative cook. I tend to rotate the same dozen or so meals in no particular order. They're nothing special and I often feel like I simply feed us. Seldom is something made from true scratch and if I were to invite you over for dinner I would probably talk Matt into grilling steaks or burgers just so I wouldn't feel embarrassed. Sometimes I think I post my meals just to make myself feel better or make it appear that I have some sort of clue what I'm doing when I don't. Wow, that doesn't make me a very good person.

Thankfully Matt couldn't care less about what we eat for dinner. He has the easiest pallet to please and is thankful for anything I make, but part of me feels sorry for him. I want him to be proud of the cook I am. I want to over hear him complimenting a meal I made. I want our kids to love mom's such n such dinner. I want to be good at this. I want to be a good cook but I don't know where to derive the confidence or skills. I know it takes practice, but how do you practice something that you don't even really know how to do? Recipes with numerous ingredients and steps intimidate me and I find myself googling the words used to describe the process. I didn't even know what broil was until last year....how pathetic is that. Food is expensive and cooking takes time.....none of which I have an over-abundance of, so when I spend a lot of either on something and it doesn't work out I get very discouraged. Thankfully all Elyse needs is my milk and she is more than pleased with that. Maybe I'll get a little better at this by the time she's actually eating table food. One can only hope. If you have any favorite recipes or tips to help get me over this hump, feel free to send them my way.

That's my whining for the day. Time to get back to my enchiladas and remind myself that I've come a long way from the cook I was just a year ago. I need to remember to be thankful for the food we do have.....simple as it sounds, I need to remember that. Chefs weren't born overnight and I try. I put forth the effort and when I fail I try again. That's got to count for something.

Attempt

When Matt got home from his last little trip he told me about a sniffling, coughing, dripping neighbor he had on the airplane. Once exiting the plane he immediately washed his hands, but I think the germs got him anyway. He isn't feeling well and text messaged me today saying some soup and a night on the couch with me is just what he needs. I asked him what kind of soup, he told me not to bother that he would be fine, I perisisted saying I didn't mind at all....yada yada yada, I'm going to attempt to make chicken noodle soup tonight. When he gave in and "requested" chicken noodle soup I'm sure he was trying to pick something easy for me, thinking we had a can in the pantry, but I want to do something special for him. I've never made chicken noodle soup so I found a recipe and I'm going to give it a go. I'll post later with the results.



Later: The soup went over well. We both think it was a little too "noodlie" (too many noodles) and we felt like we were roasting halfway through the bowl, but it fed us and was good for my sickly husband. I made WAY too much so I froze quite a bit of it. I don't think we'll be eating it again until it cools off a little outside. Soup and 90 degree heat don't go very well together.

Elyse is really starting to pay attention to books when you read to her. She likes to "paw" at the pages and look at the pictures. Her attention span is still very short and she starts to fuss after about the 3rd page to be put to bed which is wonderful and fine by us.....hopefully it stays this easy, but somehow I doubt that's the case.



Yesterday Matt's dad and Kathy took us to dinner which was a nice surprise. Matt's dad is just so cute with Elyse....anyone is cute with Elyse really, but men usually have a harder time with the whole "little baby" thing but his dad just jumps right in and wants to do everything (except diapers). The more I see Mark with Elyse the easier it is for me to see why Matt is such a wonderful dad.

We are able to see both of our families on a fairly regular basis and Matt and I are both very thankful for that. Of course it's still not as often as we'd like, but it's more often than a lot of families and it's easy to take it for granted. Elyse and I went to see my younger sister Erika last week after sinus surgery and my dad stopped in on his lunch break. The visit went so nice and I really had such a good time. Once I thought about it, I realized it had been nearly a month since I had seen Erika, and nearly 3 months since I'd seen my dad. It really made me feel bad that I don't see them more. My mom and Tim come to see Elyse pretty regularly, but I don't see the other people in my family nearly as much and it made me sad last week. Even with my mom, it's usually to babysit and I would like to spend some time with just her as well. Knowing they are only about 45 minutes to an hour or so away makes it harder I think. We're far enough apart that randomly stopping by isn't really an option, but close enough that being busy makes it easy to put off and I promise myself that I'll make plans to see them soon. Before I know it a month or two has gone by and I didn't even realize it. There are 101 reasons, but mostly it boils down to intentionality.......we need to find ways to make it happen because it's always so wonderful to see them and I love them all so much. I'm not sure if they think or notice the same thing, but either way I miss them.

Rested

Elyse and I awoke well rested today. I don't think she so much as stirred in the 12 hours she slept.....she never even awoke to eat until 8:30 this morning. I felt wonderful once I woke up and I'm determined to be productive and get this house back in order. I have laundry well on its way and dinner in the crock pot, which has to be just about the best invention ever. I can tell Elyse is still tired from the busy weekend because she is napping pretty often and I'm thankful we only have one thing we have to do today so she can catch up on peaceful rest in the comforts of her crib. It never fails to amaze me how much staying up too late affects her and how long it takes her to truly "regain" the lost sleep.....if only I could take random multiple naps to do the same myself sometimes. If I added it up throughout my life I imagine I would sleep for a week, maybe more. Speaking of sleep we have been working on weaning her swaddle over the past week or so and it's gone very well and she has transitioned pretty easily. She now loves to just lay in bed with her 2 snuggies until she falls asleep. Seeing one clutched in each tiny hand is just about the sweetest thing ever.

Tired

Tonight I'm tired. Friday night was group and Elyse's first time with our new babysitter. In the past my mom is the only one who has watched her outside of Matt or I. The night went well all things considered, but for some reason Elyse tends to fight bedtime extra hard with anyone but me. She still fights it with me on occasion, but nothing like she seems to do for others, including Matt and I'm not quite sure how to fix this. It's hard to hope or expect her to get used to other people putting her to bed when I'm the one that normally does everything for her, but bless her little heart, the poor girl is just going to have to get used to it. She fought Matt Wednesday when I went out for "girl's night" and she fought the sitter on Friday. Hopefully this passes soon because I want her to be a pleasant baby for people to baby sit and I don't want to have to worry about her being miserable or up too late because I definitely pay for it later. Last night we stayed the night for a friend's baby shower over in Reddington Beach and the house was different, crowded, and loud, so of course she had a hard time there as well. Needless to say mommy and baby were tired today and I've enjoyed a very low key Sunday afternoon. She was tucked snugly in without any resistance at all at 7:45pm and I look forward to a restful evening for both of us tonight. I wish I had more to say because I had a lot of fun mixed in there as well, but I'm just too tired to put for the effort. Pictures are often better than words, so here's a cute one for you.

Two years ago today......

Happy anniversary to us! Do we have any special plans you ask.....? But of course! We are going to eat left-overs so I don't have to cook and relax together on the couch. I have to giggle at that because I really didn't think we would be eating left-overs on our anniversary for at least another 10 years. We actually celebrated early by going to Roy's a few weeks ago and with our weekend at the beach. I am definitely at the point in my life where I honestly don't need anything special to be reminded of what we have. I get to live it every day and there is no one I would rather live it with. Being Matt's wife is all the gift I'll ever need.

One year ago this weekend.......
We found out Elyse was on her way! Although she wasn't Elyse yet, she was just a little pink line on a stick. It's amazing how much can happen in just one year.

On another note, Friday night my mom and Tim watched Elyse while Matt and I went to dinner with Matt's dad and Kathy. We had an absolutely delicious and slow paced dinner. Being able to eat my meals slowly and without interruption is such a gift these days and I'm thankful we were able to do it.

Saturday evening several friends from the hospital I used to work at came over to visit with us. It was so nice to see them and be able to catch up. It honestly made me miss working there a little because I loved working with them so much, although I love being with Elyse more ;) and I went to work for 8 hours on Sunday. The shift went well and the fact that I was able to leave 4 hours earlier than planned was a wonderful surprise.

Oooohhhh.....as I type my hubby just walked in the door with flowers. I didn't expect him home this early at all, yay! Gotta go!

Today was even more beautiful than yesterday so I decided to attempt some "fall" pictures of Elyse. I hope to come up with some better ones before the end of the season, but I figured I'd go ahead and post these for now.

As I type I have lasagna baking in the oven, all the doors and windows open, a baby that's sleeping, and a calm cool breeze blowing through the house. I can hear roller blades against the pavement outside and the laughter of children enjoying the weather as well. I love the way a gorgeous days seems to affect so many people. I noticed more smiles and friendly interactions than in hot, humid days past. Matt even left me a love note tucked in my lap top....I love stuff like that too. Today was a good day and I'm so thankful.