It seems that lately I either have nothing to do, or a day packed full of activities....I would like a better balance and I'm hoping to achieve that soon.

We had small group at our house on Friday and my week had been so low key I was ecstatic to have the adult interaction and I always love seeing everyone. I was about to explode with wanting to talk and visit that I think I sounded like a crazy person once everyone arrived and we got to catch up. Saturday we stayed home the whole day. Poor Matt has been working so much lately that as much as I wanted to get out, he really needed a little R & R at home, so I happily obliged. At one point in the evening, Elyse had awoken full of smiles from her afternoon nap. We went for a family walk around the neighborhood and gave her a bath once we got home. Matt grilled out while I made some sides in the kitchen and Elyse played on her floor mat, I paused to soak it all in. Her toys rattled and her little mouth cooed while the radio played softly in the background and the house begin to fill with the sounds and smells of family. There are times I feel cooped up or even restricted by these 4 walls, but in that moment I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I'm living the dream and blessed beyond measure.

It's a good thing Saturday was so low key because Sunday was go, go, go. We started out the day at church as usual followed by a wonderful lunch with 3 other couples from group. After that we went to Opa's house (Matt's dad) where I was able to relax by the pool for a bit while the boys played with Elyse....it was exactly what I needed. We left there and went to visit Oma (Matt's grandmother) for a little while. We stopped and ate barbecue at Pit Boss for dinner and I was exhausted when we finally made it home. Poor little Elyse must have been as well because she slept 11 hours straight last night. I don't think she gets very adequate rest when we're on the move like that and we need to try harder to respect her need to sleep by breaking up the busyness. She handles it pretty well and appears to still be a very adaptable baby, but I know that won't last forever.

Harborside MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) starts Wednesday and I am extremely excited about it. I've heard it's one of the best MOPS groups around and I'm looking forward to meeting other mom's. Then on Thursday I have lunch with the girls from small group and Saturday Matt and I have a date night. This weeks seems to be perfectly balanced, I'll have enough to keep me social and get out of the house, but not so busy that I end the week exhausted. Learning to balance my weeks is one of my new goals and I feel like I'm off to a good start...I'll reassess Friday ands see how well I did.

Ok....so I organized my coupons and I'm rather pleased with the end result. They are categorized well for our needs and even somewhat by location in the store, but since I primarily shop at 2 different stores I couldn't do that part perfectly. I have a few things I need to run to the store to get today and I looked at my list and grabbed the appropriate coupons and placed them in the front. Since this is my first trip to the store with my new organizer I'm curious to see how well it functions and how much I save in one trip. Update: I saved $7! Not too shabby!

I also finally ordered a glider for Elyse's room. We have a rocker in there now, but it's mostly wicker and rather old. I tried my best to not get a new chair, but this one just isn't cutting it. The cushion constantly slides out from under your bottom and before you know it the entire chair has slowly scooted back and you're rocking against the wall. I'm looking forward to the smooth gliding, the fact that it swivels, and the fully upholstered aspects of the new one. It should make rocking and reading to Elyse more comfortable for everyone. I doubt you will ever get me to admit that it's worth what it cost, but things seldom are these days. Now the debate will be if we would like to get the ottoman that matches.

Speaking of Elyse, I will be officially staying home with her as of yesterday. I finally put in my 2 weeks notice since my 12 weeks of FMLA will be up soon. I don't think it surprised anyone I worked with, but I couldn't do it any sooner in order to take advantage of the short-term disability the hospital provides. I must say it was a genuinely bitter-sweet moment and I became a victim of the "grass is always greener" syndrome. I am so thankful and ecstatic to be able to be a stay at home mom and I can already see what a wonderful job it is and I feel truly blessed to be doing it. On another note, I'm going to miss that job and my co-workers. They had become like family to me and I honestly loved that job. Many of my friends called me a work-a-hoilic and I know I'll miss the "breaks" it would provide. Why can't I stay at home when I want and go to work if I feel like it, but not really be required to? That's where the grass-is-greener syndrome comes in....there are days I feel cooped up and limited by the things I can do because I have a new baby and we're living on one income. I don't have the ropes figured out yet and I probably never will, this is all a new mind-set for me and I'm still getting used to it. Parts of me would really like to return to work part-time as an outlet and for extra money. Truthfully a teeny portion of me resents that I can't. It's just not possible with Matt's travel and my long hours...no daycare is open from 5am to 8pm which is how long she would have to be there if Matt was out of town and I was scheduled to work. We don't have any family nearby to consistently watch her while I worked and private in-home childcare is too expensive, so you see, I have to stay home. On the flip-side, I shudder at the thought of leaving her in someone else's care like that and I'd be a mess if I had to. I love never missing a thing and knowing that I'm always here with her and for her offers such a sense of indescribable peace. I can't even imagine it any other way. I once again want to have my cake and eat it too. I think I'll actually be able to achieve it once MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers) resumes in September and I can join. I'm really looking forward to that. I will also stay working PRN (twice a month) at UCH which should give me my work outlet and maybe even a little extra money. I just may have figured out a way to have the best of both worlds....we'll see how it goes.

I loved caring for those tiny, fragile babies who didn't get the start their families dreamed of. Parents interview pediatricians, baby-sitters, and research car seats, but they had no choice when it came to me caring for their little one in such a tender state during such a difficult time and it was something I never took lightly and vowed that I never would. It was an honor to be an uninvited guest in each and every family unit for however long that baby was in our NICU. Some were there for months and you couldn't help but become attached and grow close to those babies and their families. I loved it. I loved seeing them grow stronger each and every day and finally get to go home with mom and dad. I loved getting the post-card photos, email updates, and getting invited to first birthday parties where the babies had transformed into thriving toddlers. Sure there were hard times and not so happy endings, the hours were long and my feet hurt a lot...but what job doesn't have the good and bad, highs and lows?

As amazing as that job was, I'm called to one far greater right now. I worked in NICU's for over 7 years and took care of everyone else's kids, now it's time to care for my own. This job will have highs and lows as well, but the payoff will be immeasurable.

2 month visit

We took Elyse for her 2 month well-baby visit today and she did so well! We had to wake her up to take her (which I don't like doing to the poor girl) and I expected her to be a grump but boy did she put on a show for the doctor. She gave some wonderful coo's, smile's, and an extra big poop! She weighed 9-12 (29%), 22.5"(80%) so she's long and thin, and we're told she is developmentally like a 4 month old. I suspected she was a little ahead of schedule because she seems more social than other babies her age and she rolled over for the first time yesterday at just 9 weeks! I was so excited when I saw her do it and bless her little heart, it seemed to startle her when she did. When Matt and I talked about it last night we realized there is such a bitter-sweetness to it...this was one of her first true first's (if that makes sense) and Matt said it made him sort of sad because it will just be a domino effect from here on out of different first's. Her grin's and coo's came on so subtly that it was hard to really define when it happened for the first time, but this was a definite first and we are very proud of her. I can't help but think that her small size made it easier for her to push herself over so soon. She is still in newborn diapers and clothes but starting to get into 0-3 month pj's because of her length.

On another note, our towel rack fell off the wall in our master bathroom yesterday and I wish I knew how to fix it. I'm not handy with stuff like that and Matt is just so busy with work right now that I'm not sure when it will be fixed. I often attempt things I shouldn't and I've learned the hard way to leave well enough alone on certain things, so I'm not even going to venture into this project. A downfall of my personality is I like things done fast...I'm a far cry from a perfectionist based on that, but I still like things done right and those two things don't mix well. I prefer to skip prep work and just dive into ideas or tasks. I get them done in a timely manner and seldom procrastinate, but them I'm frustrated that the end result isn't flawless and could often be called sloppy. I can be quite the weirdo sometimes.

Saturday Elyse and I went to Madeira Beach to spend the day and night with Kristin while Matt went to Sarasota with the boys to do their fantasy football draft. I was SO looking forward to the girl time and some time outdoors....well rain and Elyse fighting naps kept the outdoor part from taking place, but we had great girl time none the less.

I decided to go grocery shopping alone on Sunday and I'm not sure which is worse...going grocery shopping with an infant or dealing with weekend grocery store crowds. I could not believe how many people were at Publix. I normally go on Monday afternoons, so you can imagine my amazement as I played bumper carts going down the isles yesterday. At least I didn't have to worry about Elyse though. Maybe next time I'll try tackling the grocery store on a week night. I also got a coupon organizer (Heather tipped me off that they had them at Target for $1) so this week I'm going to label them and sort the coupons I have.

It took awhile to get my completed belly cast back, but I was finally able to take a few pictures of Elyse in it. She definitely fills the entire space from top to bottom. I have no idea how she ever curled up and fit in there. These are the best pictures I got, but they are the most internet appropriate since she's diaper-less.

Today's pictures just might beat the ones I posted yesterday in the cuteness category....it's a toss up though. She is starting to like tummy time more, but only briefly, and she can hold her head relatively high and steady, but again only briefly.
Today Leanne and Lindsey came over with their babies and counting Elyse there were 4 in my family room! It amazes me how different, yet similar babies can be. They all have their quirks, but yet so many of the sames things please them, just in different ways. Ariella, who will be 2 in November tried out a lot of Elyse's "big girl" toys for her. In a matter of minutes the floor was covered in toys and it made me smile. I'm sure I'll regret saying this at some point, but I look forward to the day when Elyse's toys are scattered around while she walks and talks and gets into things. When I see the vibrant colors of children's toys at people's houses it just looks fun to me. It's like I get an immediate sense of family and I get all warm inside. Maybe it's because having a baby and being a mother is something I looked forward to from the time I could carry a doll and now I'm in it....my bald Cabbage Patch doll that I used to tote around has a head of thin light brown hair and grins when I talk to her.

I see bits and pieces of her little personality unfold more and more with each passing week....it's so hard to imagine what she will be like in another few months or years but I'm excited to peel back the layers and watch her slowly be revealed before my very eyes.

Seriously.....I get to keep her?

Oh....and in case you're thinking she is giving that precious gummy grin to me or Matt, she's not, her favorite pal in the house is Mr. Ceiling Fan. He gets the most smiles, she just loves him.

Distracted

I had a dentist appointment this morning for a scheduled cleaning and a crown replacement. My appointment was at 9am and my cleaning began right on time and was over in about 45 minutes. They moved me to the procedure room where the dentist would "be with me shortly", they were "a little behind schedule". So patiently I sat and waited, my mind began to drift and I remembered our lesson at small group a few weeks back to take advantage of moments just like this. Just as I began to shift my focus an employee came in, apologized for the further delay and popped in a DVD to "help pass the time" and in a matter of minutes my attention was focused entirely on the movie (one I'd already seen at that). Little did I know I would be able to watch the entire movie while waiting on the dentist, but that's beside the point.

I began thinking about it later today and I realized how often I have good intentions but allow myself to get distracted. In this case I should have politely declined the DVD and had a worthwhile book there with me to read or just used the time as quiet time or what I prefer to refer to as "sustained attention" on God (I like that phrase better than meditation, which for some reason seems to weird people out). The point is I was stuck without many options and once I came up with a good one for me, I allowed myself to be quickly and easily distracted and I've realized I do this a lot. If Elyse is down for one of her longer naps I'll think to myself, "I should get out my bible" or "I should use this time to pray", but before I know it, more often than not, I've answered a phone call, decided to return a call, chose to check my email, started laundry or some other chore, or turned on the TV and the thought is long forgotten. I've also noticed being a stay at home mom at the phase we're currently in requires a lot of flexibility to my day and often leaves me house-bound by frequent naps and feedings. This sort of "loose schedule" adds to my ability to put just about anything off until later because "there's always tomorrow". Which reminds me of Thomas Jefferson's famous quote, "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today".

Part of me believes God tries to place me in situations where I don't have many other options. Like when I can't fall asleep or when I awake in the middle of the night or early in the morning, or when I'm stuck for 2 hours in a chair waiting.....just maybe those are nudges asking for my attention. The problem is there is always something willing to distract me (t.v., chores, radio, phones, computers, sleep) and usually the distraction wins. "I can do that later", I tell myself...."but this needs to be done now". Funny how often "later" never comes.

Maybe right now is later, I should probably stop distracting myself.