The Power of an Apology

The details of the situation aren't what matter but I'll give a brief history.

About 6 years ago, give or take a year, I found myself going through one of the hardest trials of my life.  Things were changing and fast.  Much, if not all, of it was not a desire of mine or anything I planned on encountering or enduring.  However, decisions had been made over several years that I was very much a part of which caused the slow fade leading up to the place I found myself in.  Life as I knew it was being uprooted and completely turned upside down.  Other situations added to the intensity, my mother was hospitalized and my dad and I were going through some difficulties on our own as well.  I had never felt more lost or alone and my faith and relationship with God were definitely suffering as well.  I allowed myself to be pulled into a full-blown identity crisis. 

I was a mess.  I lost close to 15 pounds during that time and was not coping well.  I was hurting in so many different ways.  The point I want to make is that I was not acting right.  Many of my actions were not thought out and were unhealthy reactions rather than careful decisions.  Emotions were high, the situation was intense and I ended up in multiple confrontations with the people involved where my actions were as toxic as my pain.

The situation slowly tapered off and I began to rebuild my life.  I moved not only houses but cities, started a new job, made new friends, reconciled with my dad, joined a new church.  God used that low point in my life to establish my need to be solely reliant on Him.  I sought out His perfect love which provided a healing and sustainability that I will never be without and that will endure any trials to come.  I forgave the past and those involved, fell in love with God and moved on fresh and new on stable, unshakable ground. 

However, I never fully forgave myself for the way I handled myself or the situations during that time.  I didn't represent myself well at all and feelings are not an excuse for inappropriate actions.  Time has helped suppress those wounds but I hadn't claimed the full-circle of God's redeeming grace.

Last week a girl involved in the situation contacted me on Facebook wanting to apologize for her actions from years ago.

I couldn't believe it!  She had carried the guilt and shame as well and it had been put on her heart to apologize and make things right. 

I immediately wrote her back and a weight I hadn't even realized the heaviness of, was lifted as soon as I hit "send". 

A total of over 15 different messages have been sent back and forth since then and we're finding ourselves in a very unlikely friendship of sorts.  We seem to have a lot in common and I'm truly enjoying our conversations.
What will become of it?  Who knows, but that isn't what matters.

What matters is listening to our nudges often guided by the holy spirit.  It just goes to show the power of an apology, the peace you find in forgiveness, the joy that comes with grace, the freedom God wants us to claim over accepting those gifts, and that our past is our character building history that when used wisely and given to God, can be used to direct our paths not slump our shoulders.

The whole thing has just touched me so much.  I'm thankful she listened.  I wish I had sooner.

*Disclaimer:  No home-wrecking or infidelity occurred in the above scenario, the apologies had nothing to do with anything of that nature.  Just thought I should mention that.

Christmas 2011

This was Elyse's 3rd and Adley's first.  For the first time this year we got a child-friendly nativity scene and played out the story of Jesus' birth several times before the day celebrating his arrival was finally here.  I awoke with excitement and before anyone else.  I think this was the year that will set it all into motion for Elyse.  She slept until after 8 a.m. as usual, unknowing what awaited her that morning but she picked up on my excitement very quickly.  I was overwhelmed with thanks that morning, a giddy thanks for what we were celebrating and who I was celebrating it with. 

A tradition my family had growing up was eating Pillsbury cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning and Matt and I have continued that.  This year we put a candle in one of the rolls and sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus before anything else happened that morning. 

We spent Christmas eve with my family at my mom and Tim's and Christmas morning was spent with just our own little family before Matt's dad and Kathy joined us early that afternoon.  Christmas ended with sunset at Madeira Beach where we visited with friends, Kristin and Rone', and their family.  It was a busy, eventful and wonderful day.  The sounds, sights and smells of Christmas are familiar and comforting childhood reflections, yet changing and new as I celebrate the birth of Jesus with my own family in our very own ways. 

 She got a new shopping cart and has thanked us several times for it each day.

 Elyse has a personalized chair just like this that has gotten lots of use so we got one for Adley as well.

 The anticipation of unwrapping.

 Making sure Adley got her turn with gifts as well.  Here Elyse is showing them to her.

 More unwrapping.

 Coloring in her new book.  I love the way she looks when she's concentrating.

 Crawling under the tree for those last few gifts.

 Helping Adley with hers.

 Adley enjoying her new table toy.

 My girls.

Reading a new book with grandma Kathy.

The next two are Christmas eve, I'm sorry I went a little out of order but too tired to go back and fix it.

 This was the first gift she opened of the season and would have been satisfied at that.  She wanted to break into it right away....better things awaited though.  Once she caught on, the slow pace she began with went out the window and she was tearing into paper like most kids do.  We did however, let her open things and play with them as she asked and made sure she realized who gifts were from and that we gave gifts as well.  I tried several times to reiterate that we were giving gifts to celebrate the gift Jesus was to us and to the world.  I'm not sure if she saw past the Play-Doh though.

My mom got the girls a new wagon, a Cadillac for sure.  Padded seats, individual sun canopies, a cooler on the back and cup holders for everyone.  It's a far cry from the $10 tin one I grew up playing with that tipped over at every sharp turn.  I have lots of fun wagon memories.

Former neighbors stopped by on Monday and Tuesday was back to work for Matt and normal routine for the girls.  Matt's schedule has been wonderful.  It's a 3 day work week for him after 4 days off and he's been leaving work during the 4 o'clock hour yesterday and today......I could definitely get used to this.  It's amazing how much more smoothly the evenings run with an extra set of hands and not as much crunch time before bed.  Plus, I just happen to love him and his company. 

2011 Christmas Card

This was taken at the sand castle festival back in November on St. Pete beach.  We've had a lot of feedback from people who thought the entire thing was photo-shopped and other people who asked if we built the snowman.....neither are true.  We just simply added our name.  I wish our outfits were coordinating but we didn't know we'd be taking our Christmas card picture that day.....oh well :).

I added a better picture of the girls to each envelope this year for only a penny per print because I didn't love the sand castle picture, but Matt sure did, so our recipients got both. 

Merry Christmas eve, eve!

Like everyone else, it's busy in the Borrack house so I'll just post a couple of pictures......

 Adley's first time in a swing yesterday.  I really was surprised she did okay in it.  At this same age Elyse was able to hold herself much more steady and loved any sort of motion.  Adley is not quite as steady yet and doesn't seem to like any motion.  I think she liked being high, erect, and next to her sister yesterday.  I love those dimples.

 Elyse asked to where curlers today.  I use them randomly on rare occasions but today she wanted some.  I thought I had years before I had to worry about Elyse wanting her hair fussed with.  Her entire head took 3 rollers and her hair is so thin and fine they didn't want to stay in.  She was determined to follow through with her request though and sat perfectly still for the pampering.

I mean seriously......does anything speak innocence and sweetness more clearly?

The final Chirstmas plans and preparations are difficult in 80 degree heat.  You would think being a Florida girl almost my entire life that I'd be used to it, but I'm not.  Christmas songs playing everywhere you go just seems a little off when you're wearing shorts, so I chose to roast in jeans the last couple of days.  Not my brightest of decisions. 

I want to make a note, more to myself than anyone else, but I've been impressed with Elyse lately.  She's turning the manners up and whining down.  Her obedience has stepped up a notch when I became more determined in my consistency, regardless of circumstance.  We've got a long way to go in certain areas but allowing her simple pleasures, like napping on the futon in the guest bedroom today instead of in her bed or allowing her to pretend to drive my car for 5 minutes while I unload it instead of ushering her right in the house, seem to be minimizing unnecessary battles.  I'm learning.  I'm trying.  I think she is too.  For today, that makes me proud of both of us.

Silent Night

Our 4th Annual Christmas Party with what was formerly our small group through church but is now a very close group of wonderful, supportive friends, changes themes each year.  This year we were supposed to dress as a Christmas song.  Matt and I went simple and cheap by going as "Silent Night".  My dad says it was a nifty trick of Matt's to have a quiet wife for awhile.  I'm quite the talker, especially after he's been traveling all week, so my dad may be correct :).

The party was fun and we used a new babysitter for the first time, which as far as we can tell, went well too. 

I *think* my shopping is all done.  I've baked, or actually no baked, cookies for a Moms Club party tonight and now I need to fix a toilet that overflowed and clean the kitchen floor since Elyse helped cook.  Just another day in paradise. 

Santa

This was a first for both girls, no tears which was great!  Personally, I debated not doing the whole "Santa" thing.  I have very fond memories of the thrill of believing in Santa as a kid.  I loved staying up late with my sisters listening for the sound of hooves and leaving out cookies and carrots.  It didn't crush me when I found out he wasn't real, it didn't scare me that a stranger was supposedly coming into our house at night, but for some reason, now that I'm older, so much of it just seems....well, wrong.

There are certain things about the idea of Santa that I just don't agree with.  Before I had even thought about how I would discuss it with Elyse and explain why this character is everywhere you turn, she was knee deep in questions from strangers about Santa this and Santa that.  Matt definitely wants to continue the family tradition of Santa and my reasons for questioning it just don't come out right when I try to explain it.  I'm not sure exactly how we will handle it or how big a role Santa will play in this house.  I just want to make sure this is the message she gets.

Pictures

The ticket entrance to Disney, excitement at its peak!

 In front of Cinderella's castle

 On the tea cups.....she looks thrilled

 Meeting her first characters.  She just loved them. She wanted to hug every single character we saw and she just about did.  She was so sweet with them.

 A quick snooze in the stroller from all of the excitement.  We were glad we brought snuggy along.

 Back at the villa.  This picture brings so many thoughts to mind.  Elyse looks......old here.  She looks more growing girl than teetering toddler.  This picture left Matt and I speechless at first, but then led us to a lengthy, sweet conversation about the woman unfolding in her.  I feel like this was a glimpse of what her Facebook profile picture will look like in  another 14 years.....if Facebook is still a thing and if we allow her to have it of course......but you get my point.  This one is definitely worth 1,000 words in our book.

 Elyse was playing in the indoor kids area and Matt was holding Adley.  This is a classic Adley face.  Love that girl.

 Playing with the water cannons at the pool.

 My goal was to get a picture of the reflection of the tree lights in her eyes.  It was so precious to see in person but hard to capture on camera.

 Our sweet Adley wrapped in a crisp white hotel towel on our crisp white linens....made for a nice shot I thought.

There was cookie decorating at play-group today and if there is one thing Elyse loves, it's sprinkles.  She didn't care about the cookie nearly as much as putting sprinkles on it.

Here she is painting the icing.

 About to pour the sprinkles....we will call this "before".

 Her cookie "after" she was done with the sprinkles.  I had to laugh.  She didn't even eat the cookie.



That's our update it pictures :)