Encouraged

With our "due date" being Tuesday, we've been getting numerous text messages, emails, and phone calls checking on the status of little Elyse and her mommy, so I thought I'd post an update on the latest.

Our doctor appointment Thursday went well. I am having all of the positive pre-labor symptoms...dilating, effacing, baby dropping, frequent stronger contractions, and weight loss...all classic textbook signs that she will be coming "any day now". The weight loss was a new one which briefly concerned me at first because I haven't gained much to begin with and my size has been of some concern (primarily just to me...not so much my doctor or anyone who actually has a clue about pregnancy). So I was excited to read and be told by my doctor and books that weight loss during this time is not only normal, but GOOD! According to our childbirth coach I'm the textbook description of a healthy pregnancy and mommy in pre-labor phases....her daily encouragement and sound advice has been such a blessing....now it's just waiting for the real show to start. Physically and mentally I'm content to carry this little bundle for another month....that however is not an option, so I just hope she makes her debut before my doctor thinks I need to be induced. Several weeks ago I was feeling anxious about this and other aspects of my pregnancy and birth, so I consulted the wisdom of a Godly friend and with her permission, I wanted to share what she wrote because this story wouldn't be the same without it:

"You’re fear is totally understandable and I can relate very well. However, what I think you should concentrate on is focusing on what God has burdened your heart to do. Do not concern yourself with performing a perfect and intervention free birth. Focus on that scripture God gave you. Focus on the fact that everything that happens that beautiful day when Elyse comes, the good and the not so good, are completely under the watchful eyes of a caring Father.

You are not responsible for creating the perfect environment and delivering the perfect baby, with the perfect amount of time, pushes, and breaths. You are not responsible for her heart-rate and the direction she turns her head. You are not responsible for her size or her breathing, the position your body tells you it wants to push from, the pain your back pricks you with or the amount of time it takes for the placenta to come. There are so many things you cannot control and so many things that I know you want to do right and to happen perfectly. I warn you…it will not be perfect.

Here’s what it will be: Because of God’s incredible grace, His unrelenting faithfulness and your desire to worship Him in this experience, because you walk in obedience and not in rebellion to His ways and His desires, you will experience strength that you did not know you had. Not just your body proving its purpose, but your will surrendering to His, will function with a calm assurance that only the Holy Spirit provides. You will know right and wrong on that day. You and Matt will do the right thing. With each hurdle you may or may not face…you will know when to jump and when to knock it down and run through it. Child birth is not a proving ground for natural vs. interventions…it is a proving ground for God’s will to be done for you and what He has called you to do. You cannot fail because of that.

I hope this is encouraging and doesn’t add to your concerns. I just know that when you are facing opposition it is tempting to want to prove the rightness of your decision. You have to leave that behind and focus on who gave you the wisdom to make that decision. He isn’t concerned with the people who disagree or mock you in this situation. He is more impressed, and they will be more impacted, by your obedience rather than your ability.

Trust His faithfulness…quote those verses everyday…say them out loud and memorize them. Let them be so much a part of your thinking that there is no room for doubt. He knows! He knows exactly what’s going to happen, and He’s not intimidated by any of it."

I cry every time I read these words and I'm so thankful for them and how they spoke so deeply and specifically to the very needs of my heart. It's incredible how that happens.

Once again I was feeling anxious over so many different things and was taking a hot shower to try to relax, pray, and re-establish the sense of peace that bothers me when it's absent. I was struggling again. The fears aren't anything specific at this point, just a general anxiety of the unknown and the lack of control over any of it...I often struggle with that in multiple areas. I get side-tracked, discouraged by others and often myself, and I become doubtful and afraid. As the hot water trickled against me I could feel myself breaking...."I thought I had overcome this, I know better, I shouldn't be in this place again." I got out, dried off, and the phone rang. It was a good friend from small group...a new friend, but a close one already. We have only talked on the phone a couple of times, but she was just calling to check in on me and see how she could be praying for us. Seriously!? I've always thought of God as a conductor in an incredible orchestra, but such an distinct reminder of the promise that He will never leave me was so reassuring. I hung up with her feeling so much better...once again, just like the previous email, it was just what I needed exactly when I needed it.

His timing is perfect. I've learned throughout this process that long before time had time, God has seen each moment, including that one. He saw an anxious pregnant girl in need of a word. He saw a mother at home with a heart of encouragement. He put both next to their phones so the second could encourage the first. Multiply that tiny event by billions, and behold the way God sustains His world if we just open our eyes and trust in those little "nudges".