Yesterday I  was once again scrambling to get out the door with both girls in tow at an earlier time than we're used to.  I was on my way to a new bible study for the first time at a different church.  A friend, who works full-time, invited me but I didn't know a single other person at this study.  I just knew I wanted, more like needed, to be there.  I must have looked lost walking up the church steps with a 22 pounder on my hip, 2 huge bags of clothes in one hand, and a 3 year old trying to hold onto one of the bags in the other.  I was greeted and checked in.  Upon getting the girls settled with the childcare, I realized I had poop on my dress and no diapers in the bag for Adley. I remembered a cup for one kid, not the other (guessing it got left in the car and I'll find the sour contents in the next day or two). 

However, the chaos and rush to climb into God's rest was worth it. I can't attend a group bible study everyday, but I need to seek His peace first thing. More than just His peace I need His grace and His patience. The scripture they focused on that morning was Galatians 5:1; "It is in freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery".

I had to let that settle for the bulk of the study that morning, to let His words penetrate their meaning and application in my life. Christ setting me free is not a new concept but I certainly have not been living it.  And do I stand firm or do my feet shuffle back and forth playing the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" game? What burdens do I carry and what am I yoked too? The teacher of the study this morning physically demonstrated what being yoked was at the time Galatians was written.

Physically tied to something, back then it was two animals together. One can't move without the other. If the other doesn't move, they would be dragged, burdening both whom were yoked.

What do I yoke myself too?  The teacher mentioned being yoked to things or thoughts, and the thoughts often being ones we worry other people have about us. One thing she said was that "whatever others think about me is none of my business". I loved that. 

Moms, women, dads, men.....people of all walks are often under a lot of pressure.  I don't have a true "job" like some do, so that adds an entirely different, challenging dynamic that I cannot even fathom.  The people who juggle multiple things, paid or unpaid, I've long since admired.  I do, however, run a household for a traveling husband with photography on the side (3 sessions this week!), care for two little girls that have a lot of very important needs, and I'm in charge of all of the finances for our local MOMS Club International Chapter. I've pressured myself to cook almost every meal and have clean house and empty laundry hampers.  I'm a stay at home mom, I have all the time in the world to do everything, right?!  It's a blessing, it's a gift, it's a lot of pressure but after this weeks bible study, it is a thought I will not allow myself to be yoked to. 

I am called to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) and I am not doing that. My thoughts often take me captive and can sink my ship fast.

Jesus calls to us in scripture to yoke ourselves to Him (Matthew 11:29-30) because His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

We are promised no condemnation in Christ Jesus, yet we condemn ourselves over and over everyday.  Today when I was struggling with a sick one year old who had been crying for over an hour solid I started to feel the anxiety rise.  I felt like a fumbling babysitter trying to settle someone else's child.  Elyse started to panic at the out of the ordinary upset of her sister.  When kids cry, there is a physical, intrinsic vagal response that occurs within the body.  It's why parents often start to argue when a baby is screaming, why people get tense and we naturally want to soothe that cry.  Through the tears of the girls other things started to scream; the dishes in the sink that I would normally be doing, the toys scattered on the floor, the unmade bed, the phone calls I'd been putting off.  

I took a deep breath and visualized what was next to me.  What I was physically yoking myself too.  Where was this burden coming from and Who can carry it better?

I tell Elyse each morning, and multiple times a day especially when we're all starting to lose it a little, "Let's make today be the best today that it can be." I've said it through tears before but it can turn everything around.  I'm learning more and more about the power of claiming ownership over my responses and I have two little sets of eyes watching me very closely.

When all else fails I cling to Lamentation 3:22-23, Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. What that tells me?  There's always tomorrow and tomorrow is a new day full of promise, compassion and His love.

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I wrote this post last Thursday and never managed to post it.  It is now the following Tuesday evening.  I just finished editing 2 photo sessions and got the house picked up for the most part.  I'm missing a cloth bag our wooden blocks go in, so they remain scattered in the play area.  Elyse was snacking on raw sunflower seeds earlier and I'm just so excited that she happily eats things like that now that I didn't usher her to the table or ask her not to take the container from the counter.  Well, the entire container is missing.  How do you lose a huge container of seeds????  I have looked everywhere I can think of and cannot find them!  I have a feeling Adley will find them first thing in the morning and I'll have quite the mess on my hands.

One of my goals is to clean out and organize my kitchen drawers.  I'm not so silly as to say drawers AND cabinets, so drawers it is this week.  With the help of two pairs of little hands we got two drawers cleaned and organized.  I'm happy with that.  A few months ago that would have frustrated me because 7 still remain untouched or I would have tried over and over to get the kids to play by themselves while I forced the job to completion.  Sometimes that's necessary, but today it was not and today we were better for it.  When they lost interest, we put it all away and we moved on.

I glance at those 2 drawer faces now and I'm thankful for that wisdom.  It's wisdom I didn't have a short time ago and it's wisdom that made our home just a little bit better, more peaceful, more content, more loving.  I never mentioned the word compromise to the girls but I think a lesson it that was lightly touched upon.