Keeping busy

Today I had lunch with a several girlfriends from small group; 5 women, 2 kids, and 2 bun's in the oven were there. People have been doing such a good job of trying to keep me busy and my mind off of this waiting game and it definitely helps, it was really nice to have something to look forward to doing today. I'm beyond grateful for the way our group is starting to click and the relationships that have formed and are growing. I've longed and prayed for people like this in our lives...people we can "do life with" through the thick and thin, but also share our same values. It means so much to finally be living it with such great people.

Being off from work these past 2 weeks is such a different pace of life for me. I went from working full-time at the hospital along with volunteering weekly at the Pregnancy Center, to no schedule at all. I know a baby is going to change all that and shake us in ways I never imagined, but without her here yet my days are uneventful to say the least. I've found getting out of the house daily is what I need because for awhile I was trying to conserve my energy knowing labor could start at any time and for someone like me, that was very difficult. I am usually go, go, go with places to be and things to get done...taking it easy lasted about a day or two before I was ready to claw my eyes out. So today I did lunch, tackled an errand or two, hung some new wall sconces we got, and wrapped a couple of gifts for upcoming events. The air outside is scorching and sticky again, but I'm going to attempt to tackle my walk as well. All in all I've stayed busy enough without feeling like I've overdone it should things kick into gear...which I highly doubt.

Tomorrow we go back to the doctor and I'll be 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Hopefully we'll get a clean bill of health and keep truckin' along.

Today had a little more activity that yesterday, so I was thankful for that. I went to the pool and swam for a bit and then baked some blueberry muffins. I braved the 90 degree heat yesterday for my usual 3 mile walk, but I just didn't have it in me today. It was a scorcher and the hot air was thick and heavy, so a friend of mine joined me for mall-walking this afternoon. I've been on a hunt for a specific gift for my dad for father's day, but once again turned up empty handed and I'm running out of time. Maybe the gift of a new granddaughter would suffice...perhaps that's what Elyse is holding out for. I'm sure Matt would love a daughter as a father's day gift as well. If she waits until Sunday to arrive I could be off the hook for buying gifts altogether and I can just put a big bow on her ;).

Side note...dinner tonight will not be going on the repeat list. It was honey baked chicken and neither of us cared for it. Luckily I had the assurance of a few good dinners under my belt before this one, so I won't take it personally. Last night's tex-mex pork chops went over well at least.

Due date!

This was just flashing on the little screen at us when we woke up today. No confetti, bells, whistles, or happy birthday songs. It doesn't look like it will start to count up either. It's bitter sweet to see this little clock's time end....we had so much fun watching the numbers ever so slowly dwindle in anticipation, but it's wonderful to know we will be meeting our daughter any day now. I'm starting to think she will take after me...I tend to run late getting places, it looks like little Elyse will too.

I've been off work for 2 weeks now and these days of just waiting to see if each contraction or twinge I get is "the one" to get things in motion causes the days to go by so slowly. Don't get me wrong, I've greatly enjoyed this time to myself and getting things caught up at the house, but frankly, I'm getting a little bored. I'll have to think of something different to do today...that should be fun!

Saturday and Sunday were a lot of fun. We had extended family on my side that were down for a wedding from Iowa and we were able to squeeze in several hours of visiting while they were here. We don't see them often enough, but it was so nice to get together and visit. I love that about family...you can not see them for months, even years, and you just open the book, turn the page, and pick up right where you left off. Relationships like that are often few and far between, the comfort that comes along with that is like being wrapped in a warm blanket to me...it just makes me feel good.

Encouraged

With our "due date" being Tuesday, we've been getting numerous text messages, emails, and phone calls checking on the status of little Elyse and her mommy, so I thought I'd post an update on the latest.

Our doctor appointment Thursday went well. I am having all of the positive pre-labor symptoms...dilating, effacing, baby dropping, frequent stronger contractions, and weight loss...all classic textbook signs that she will be coming "any day now". The weight loss was a new one which briefly concerned me at first because I haven't gained much to begin with and my size has been of some concern (primarily just to me...not so much my doctor or anyone who actually has a clue about pregnancy). So I was excited to read and be told by my doctor and books that weight loss during this time is not only normal, but GOOD! According to our childbirth coach I'm the textbook description of a healthy pregnancy and mommy in pre-labor phases....her daily encouragement and sound advice has been such a blessing....now it's just waiting for the real show to start. Physically and mentally I'm content to carry this little bundle for another month....that however is not an option, so I just hope she makes her debut before my doctor thinks I need to be induced. Several weeks ago I was feeling anxious about this and other aspects of my pregnancy and birth, so I consulted the wisdom of a Godly friend and with her permission, I wanted to share what she wrote because this story wouldn't be the same without it:

"You’re fear is totally understandable and I can relate very well. However, what I think you should concentrate on is focusing on what God has burdened your heart to do. Do not concern yourself with performing a perfect and intervention free birth. Focus on that scripture God gave you. Focus on the fact that everything that happens that beautiful day when Elyse comes, the good and the not so good, are completely under the watchful eyes of a caring Father.

You are not responsible for creating the perfect environment and delivering the perfect baby, with the perfect amount of time, pushes, and breaths. You are not responsible for her heart-rate and the direction she turns her head. You are not responsible for her size or her breathing, the position your body tells you it wants to push from, the pain your back pricks you with or the amount of time it takes for the placenta to come. There are so many things you cannot control and so many things that I know you want to do right and to happen perfectly. I warn you…it will not be perfect.

Here’s what it will be: Because of God’s incredible grace, His unrelenting faithfulness and your desire to worship Him in this experience, because you walk in obedience and not in rebellion to His ways and His desires, you will experience strength that you did not know you had. Not just your body proving its purpose, but your will surrendering to His, will function with a calm assurance that only the Holy Spirit provides. You will know right and wrong on that day. You and Matt will do the right thing. With each hurdle you may or may not face…you will know when to jump and when to knock it down and run through it. Child birth is not a proving ground for natural vs. interventions…it is a proving ground for God’s will to be done for you and what He has called you to do. You cannot fail because of that.

I hope this is encouraging and doesn’t add to your concerns. I just know that when you are facing opposition it is tempting to want to prove the rightness of your decision. You have to leave that behind and focus on who gave you the wisdom to make that decision. He isn’t concerned with the people who disagree or mock you in this situation. He is more impressed, and they will be more impacted, by your obedience rather than your ability.

Trust His faithfulness…quote those verses everyday…say them out loud and memorize them. Let them be so much a part of your thinking that there is no room for doubt. He knows! He knows exactly what’s going to happen, and He’s not intimidated by any of it."

I cry every time I read these words and I'm so thankful for them and how they spoke so deeply and specifically to the very needs of my heart. It's incredible how that happens.

Once again I was feeling anxious over so many different things and was taking a hot shower to try to relax, pray, and re-establish the sense of peace that bothers me when it's absent. I was struggling again. The fears aren't anything specific at this point, just a general anxiety of the unknown and the lack of control over any of it...I often struggle with that in multiple areas. I get side-tracked, discouraged by others and often myself, and I become doubtful and afraid. As the hot water trickled against me I could feel myself breaking...."I thought I had overcome this, I know better, I shouldn't be in this place again." I got out, dried off, and the phone rang. It was a good friend from small group...a new friend, but a close one already. We have only talked on the phone a couple of times, but she was just calling to check in on me and see how she could be praying for us. Seriously!? I've always thought of God as a conductor in an incredible orchestra, but such an distinct reminder of the promise that He will never leave me was so reassuring. I hung up with her feeling so much better...once again, just like the previous email, it was just what I needed exactly when I needed it.

His timing is perfect. I've learned throughout this process that long before time had time, God has seen each moment, including that one. He saw an anxious pregnant girl in need of a word. He saw a mother at home with a heart of encouragement. He put both next to their phones so the second could encourage the first. Multiply that tiny event by billions, and behold the way God sustains His world if we just open our eyes and trust in those little "nudges".

Role adapting starting already

There are subtle changes happening beneath our roof with me not going to work now. We definitely used to be the type of couple who cooked and cleaned up dinner together, folded and put away laundry together, and in general just divided up most household duties. We had a rhythm and a system that flowed wonderfully and worked out well for us. Now that I'm the one home I've done pretty much all of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry....I wasn't sure how this transition would go for us or how either of us would truly feel about it. I didn't know if it would just be assumed that everything to be done at home was "my job" and I would loose his help and support all together. I can't say I was truly anxious or worried about how this would all play out, but it was change none the less and that usually creates unknowns. I know we're only one week into it, but I have never felt more content or peaceful in a role in my entire life. I'm sure it seems like anyone would feel the same way not having to work and all, but this goes much deeper than that. It's a much stronger feeling than just free time and not having to punch a time clock....I really feel at peace, like I was created for this. I feel like I'm finally merging into the role God designed me for, the role of a mother and supporter of my husband the way He intended for us. It's not about chores and "jobs", it's about the fulfillment I already feel in establishing an environment where I feel like I am supporting Matt and nurturing a family to the best of my ability. I feel honored to be in this situation where it is even possible for me to experience this and I'm amazed at the sense of peace that came so quickly with it. Now we just wait and see what little Elyse adds to the mix.

Belly Casting!

A friend of mine from our small group is due just 3 days after us and we are both clients through For the Love of Birth so our doulas thought it would be a fun and memorable idea to make belly casts together. I jumped at this! I have wanted to make one but the practicality side of me wondered what in the world I would do with it once it was done and I thought it would just end up being a BIG piece of clutter. That's when it was explained to me how neat it is to hold it up to you several months from now and realize just how big you were and to grasp a little better the amazing changes your body went through to create these little blessings. I think it will also be neat to take a picture of Elyse inside my belly cast after she's here. Last but not least it gave me something different to do today and some nice time with some wonderful women.

On another note...dinner tonight was chicken in a creamy mustard sauce. It wasn't half bad.