Missing Matt

Matt flew out this morning to go to Washington D.C. for work. He will be back Thursday, which is just 2 more wake-ups away.

We actually had a cheesy, movie-scene departure this morning. We were both driving side by side in our cars on the road. He needed to fork left toward TPA, I needed to stay right to head to work. We waved at each other through the windows, and as our cars slowly drifted apart and the distance between us grew, I became teary eyed.

I'm such a stinkin' sap! I have no idea why I do stuff like that sometimes. I was just overwhelmed with thoughts . . . how much I loved him . . . how happy I was . . . what if this was the last time I ever saw him . . .it went on and on. I don't make sense to myself sometimes, I can't imagine anyone else trying to figure me out.

I miss my Matt. The house is quieter and the bed emptier, but in this economy I am just thankful he has work to keep him busy.

Gotta go, I'm off to spread out wide in the center of our bed and hog all the covers.

Heavy

That's the only way I can describe how I feel right now.

I've had some tough conversations and was placed in some hard situations today. I heard things that broke my heart, I literally felt it drop in my chest. The word endure has taken on a whole new meaning. I can't go into details or share the stories out of confidentiality, but I can share how I'm feeling.

To have people in front of you lost, confused, searching, and wounded. People that have gone through things my mind can't even wrap itself around, things I can't even fathom. They cry, they share, an unspoken plea for help comes through tear streaked cheeks. I offer what few words I can, but mostly I just give of myself and try to love on them the best I can. We pray together and as quickly as she impacted me, she is gone to face this world again. It's so hard to understand. I take these burdens that weigh them down and place them on my shoulders, it's heavy. My knees feel weak beneath the added weight. Now I'm carrying them and she is too.

This world is hard. It will beat on you and tear you down. It will lie, hurt, and break you, then send you to all the wrong things to repair the damage. It's bandages are empty, temporary, and often leave a bigger wound behind than you had going in.

These are burdens I wasn't meant to carry, neither was she. We were not made to carry these loads and yet we pile it on ourselves day after day, burden after burden. We drag around our own and add the weight of others until our knuckles are almost dragging on the ground. I ask myself . . . Who does this benefit? What has been gained?

This has given me another opportunity to practice the qualities I hope to develop into a habit. I turn to God.

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

I feel better already. I truly hope I can develop this into the habit it needs to be. I will lift these girls up to Him, their hurts, fears, and cares. I give Him mine as well. After all, He can move mountains . . . why wouldn't we hand him this stuff?

Tired

This weekend was tiring, but a good tiring. Saturday we ran some errands and went to Hayley's 6th birthday party. Great food, great family, great kids, great time!








Today after church we attended the Bucs vs. Packers with our dad's. It was an exciting game to watch and the best thing was of course the final score . . . Go Bucs!




I imagine we will be in bed early tonight. Football games tend to exhaust both of us, maybe we are getting too old to hang anymore. We used to stay up late and sleep in, but lately we are in bed no later than 10:30 or 11:00 pm and even on the weekend we are up and about by 8:30am. I do realize that is how most of the general population functions, but for us this is new. We feel old and sometimes laugh at ourselves as we turn the light off so early, but we both like it. It's nice to be up and productive from the morning on. I for one am particularly thankful for the change because I used to envy people that got "clock-tired". No matter where they were or what they were doing, they got sleepy at a certain time and could fall asleep rather quickly. That has always been Matt. Not me.


I don't know if it was the several years of working night shift or just being a late owl by nature, but in the past I have had a very difficult time falling asleep or getting up early. I can now proudly say I get clock-tired. My eyelids weigh heavy as the remnants of the day play themselves out and my body will sink itself deeper and deeper into the cushioning below me. I try to read a little before giving in to Mr. Sandman's beckoning call, but I seldom turn the page . . . . off and away I go into slumber land. Having struggled so much with sleep before, I assure you, this new acquired habit is not taken for granted. Sleeping is fun (until the alarm clock goes off at 4:45am for work)!

Quote

"I am only one, But still I am one. I cannot do everything, But still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."
Edward Everett Hale

That's about all I'm good for right now. I woke up with a splitting headache, the kind that makes you nauseous and hurts when you move your eyes. I have been trying to sort of track these headaches lately because they have increased in frequency and severity over the last few months. However, I refuse to let stuff like that keep me down. Matt got me an ice bag and ordered my hiney on the couch, I took some medicine, and I am confident I will be better for Hayley's birthday party this afternoon.

Perfect

Today was perfect. I seldom use that word, but there is no other way to describe today.

I slept in, the weather was beautiful, I did no chores to speak of, I laid by the pool for a bit, and made a very tasty and unhealthy dinner of sun-dried tomato chicken alfredo on a bed of pasta (I LOVE pasta). I seldom brag on any sort of meal I make because frankly, there haven't been many worth bragging about, but this one was worth every last calorie.

Then tonight we went to our first small group meeting and it already feels like home. There were about 9 young married couples and we all hit it off. We talked about all the usual stuff, but God stuff as well. It was so refreshing to be in that kind of environment. Joining a small group where Matt and I could connect with other couples in our area has been on my prayer list for quite some time. The desire to "do life" with people has been on my heart for awhile. Patience paid off because we have found our niche in the right one and God's finger prints are all over it. I am so excited to be a part of it and I'm really looking forward to the growth and relationships that I'm confident have already begun to sprout. Trying to grow in my Christian walk is hard and I struggle daily, I need this.

Fall weather, relaxing day, tasty food, fun fellowship, couch time with Matt. Perfect.

The things you can learn from a cat

I love my cat Mandy. I love her so very much. I have had her for about 20 years now, and that's pretty darn old for a cat. I love her out of history, I love her for her personality, I love the companionship she offers, I just love her.

I remember doing my 3rd grade homework and having her lay on my work-books. I was just a mere 7 years old when we got her, so the memories run wide and deep. There have been times in my life where people have failed me and times when I have failed myself, but she has always been a true and present constant in my life. We disagree with friends, argue with family, and get angry at spouses, but Mandy will curl up in my lap regardless of if I was in the right or wrong. Her food dish empty and water bowl dry, she still loves me. I can be gone for an hour or gone for 2 weeks, she will still meet me at the front door when she hears the garage open. I can pay her intense attention and affectionately pet her for hours or do nothing at all, she still snuggles flush against me in bed. She is happy to see me and be with me no matter what. To some people this is so lame and cheesy because it's just a cat, but if you really think about it, it's the kind of devotion we don't even give each other most of the time. The ones we love the most, we often treat with the least of ourselves.

As I type this, it makes me think about our relationships with God. Often placed on the back burner left in waiting while we run about our business. We know He's there, but we often feel we don't necessarily need Him for this certain task or that particular situation. It can go on for hours, weeks, even years. We can give Him much attention, or none at all, but when we show up, He answers every single time. He jumps off the couch where we have left Him and runs to the front door when He hears the garage door opening with a "Dear God . . ."

In Matthew 18, Jesus strongly justifies his love for those who have no pretensions at all. He does so by telling a devastatingly simple story about a man who owned 100 sheep and when one went missing, he went after it until he found it. And when he did find it, he was happier about that one sheep than about the other 99. Jesus himself is the Shepherd who is willing to pursue each and every lost sheep as far as it takes to bring about a rescue. That's how much he cares for us, even if we feel we've failed him terribly, as I have all too frequently.

The sheep owner found the lost sheep and brought it back successfully. There was no question of failure. . . no suggestion that the sheep may not have been worth saving. . . no promise that it wouldn't happen again. He simply rejoiced over retrieving the lost.

What a comfort that is!

It's amazing that this is what I learned from a cat today.

Happy Birthday Hayley!

Today is my niece Hayley's 6th birthday!

She is a wonderful kid. My sister has done such an incredible job with her 2 children, she should be very proud. Hayley is a ball of energy and LOVES to talk. She is also a great reader, speller, and has even known how to email people for quite some time. That's impressive!

She loves bugs and truly has such a sweet heart. I can't wait to see them Saturday for her party!