He went before us

Matt and I had a concern. A concern regarding Elyse's care that before she was born we weren't 100% sure how we ultimately wanted to handle it. Now that we're more experienced, wiser, and a little more comfortable and confident in our role as the ones placed in authority over her we knew not only what we wanted to do, but ultimately what was our responsibility to make happen and this time in particular it went against the grain. I'm not good in positions like this. I like difficult decisions made for me. I like to be a follower not a leader. I like to lean on those I trust and place confidence in but view myself as a shaky shoulder. Parenting is straightening my spine and I'm slowly gaining ground. Although I'm learning to face these things head on, sometimes armed with nothing more than my maternal gut and the Holy Spirit's peace, I still tremble when it comes time to carry things out. The situation was upon us and I prayed that God would go before us (Deuteronomy 1:30) and give patience and understanding to those we were working with. I prayed that before we would even get there the bulk of the work would be done. I prayed for parental confidence and wisdom for how to handle it, even if it meant leaving.

We entered a little apprehensive but firm and united none the less and we left almost baffled at how supported, encouraged, and respected we felt. We breathed a sigh of relief at how smoothly things went and were literally grinning with amazement. "I didn't expect it to go quite like that" Matt said. "Neither did I" I responded. Although surprised, we felt very proud of our firm footing and the mutual respect graciously offered by both parties.

It wasn't until later that it hit me. We prayed for exactly that, very specifically that and it happened precisely that way right down to the responses and reactions. Why didn't we expect it to go that way then? Why were we so surprised? Are my prayers lacking confidence in the great and mighty power of His ability or concern to handle them? I know I pray them whole-heartedly and I know He hears, but do I subconsciously doubt the truth that the most effective parenting tool I have is laying Elyse at the feet of her Creator? No, I don't doubt that for one second but I am guilty of not offering up silent praises and prayers of thanks right there in that room. I'm guilty of not realizing it until later but I was obedient to what I felt led to do and He handled the rest. He had my tiny little family of 3 clasped gently in His palm and He went before us just like we asked. How awesome is that.

This picture doesn't have much to do with the story but it's just such a sweet picture of her face. A face that has no choice but to trust. A face that has no say in what happens and is completely reliant and dependent on the big and little decisions that are made numerous times a day. For some reason that trust and innocence seems magnified in this picture, minus the cereal of course......no, wait, not minus the cereal. The cereal is just another representation of that trust. What and how I nourish her, she just takes it. Like a little sponge she soaks in whatever she's given and the one nourishment she needs more than any other is the Bread of Life and it's my job to lead her in that as well. Oh how that sweet little face has no clue the efforts and great lengths, fears and anxieties, joys and heartache, hopes and dreams that are encountered daily by her parents.