I was buying a card for a friends baby shower and this one brought tears to my eyes:

"Things you'll soon discover with your baby girl...

That raising your own princess beats any fairy tale.

That a lot of great big people can be wrapped around one tiny finger.

That a toothless smile can light up the world like instant sunshine.

That watching her sleep is (sometimes) more satisfying that finding sleep yourself.

And most of all......that there is no greater joy than having a little girl to love."

I couldn't have said it better myself. Babies are such wonderful blessings but in looking for a card that amazing feeling of anticipation resurfaced. There is something so special about the wait to meet that little mysterious person that wreaks havoc within you. I'm so happy for her.

It's starting to sink in

I'm His Elyse. I've said it before and people have used this analogy in the past but I think I'm finally starting to grasp the concept.


Parents know exactly what I'm going to attempt to describe and since it's something so hard to explain, so hard to wrap your mind around you just simply have to feel it to know and experience it but I'm going to try anyway.

Elyse has no idea how much she is loved, not the faintest clue. Most of her concern lies with her basic needs being met. From what I can tell she has no concept of appreciation or what it means to be thankful. In the past couple of months I've worried about my milk supply and with efforts and intervention I've been able to keep it up for her. It hasn't always been easy but I want that for her and I'll do everything I'm capable of to give her that. I take some time out each week to make her baby food and after a weekend of feeding her the jar stuff I'm definitely going to keep doing it. She doesn't know. She doesn't care. She would drink any milk and eat any food but my heart's desire is to give her the best I'm capable of. I'm not perfect. I once fed her rice that wasn't cooked all the way and I think I introduced thicker puree's earlier than what is recommended. I've given her too little and then too much fiber. I struggle with finding the balance of getting out and about but still being home for her naps to ensure she gets the adequate sleep her rapidly growing and changing body needs. I try my best to keep her from getting too hot or too cold and making sure she is clean and dry. To the best of my ability she is safe and comfortable in her crib, car seat or playing throughout the day. Out of genuine concern and a deep maternal love so much of my efforts, concern and time revolve around her basic needs and she doesn't have a clue.

Then there are the not so basic needs. The times I rock her while reading a book or snuggle her just because she's there. With the amount of kisses her sweet little cheeks get each day you would think they would become chapped. I perform a circus just to see that gummy grin and hear that belly laugh. I thrive on knowing she feels happy and secure. I calm her when she's upset and pick her up when she falls. I try my hardest to make her feel safe when I can tell a situation makes her uneasy. I would love to constantly be at her side but I love her enough to give her that space to explore and discover, even if it means bumping her head from time to time. I would love to prevent every tear or pain but I love her enough to realize these things are necessary but I'm still there to wipe each salty drop. I'm never far, even if she can't see me. As much as I love her she can't always get her way and even at just 7 months of age there are times that require parental firmness. Each day is full of choices and obstacles but more than anything else, love. I am head over heels madly in love with that miraculous little girl.

She is a squirmy little thing who does not like to be cuddled but recently she has started to give hugs. It usually happens when she first wakes up or is getting tired. She will wrap her soft little arms around your neck and bury her face in your shoulder, sometimes you can even feel her curl her hands into your skin as if she's trying to squeeze as hard as possible. Each time she does it I quietly hope she hangs on just a little longer. They come and go in an instant but each time she does it Matt and I just melt. The other day she hugged Matt and he said "She has no idea how much this means to me, it's the best thing ever." That comment got me thinking about my relationship with God. How often do I hug back and do I even realize what that means to Him? How many needs and desires do I dismiss that He orchestrates on a daily basis just for His little girl? He's never fed me uncooked rice or given me too much or too little of anything. His greatest gifts are likely unanswered prayers because He knows me better than I do. His efforts are great and my appreciation must seem so small. He is madly in love with me, that love is perfection, and I forget to hug back. I'm His Elyse. How incredibly awesome is that.

I'm going to go hug God now.

She did awesome!

We drove to Jupiter Saturday morning for Matt's aunt's surprise 55th birthday party and we were planning to stay until Monday. Elyse did great on the way there and despite eating and napping in the car, a 4 hour drive interrupted by a flat tire and her first ride in a tow truck she adapted, endured and was a happy baby girl. She even handled all the commotion that 19 people can cause and sleeping in the pack n' play very well. Apparently I was nervous over nothing because she was quite the trooper. Matt's aunt was very surprised and it was so great to see everyone. We all enjoyed a wonderful lunch together and later that evening had BBQ and cake at his aunt and uncle's house where I almost won at a game pool. We had to cut our trip short and ended up driving home on Sunday because Matt has been pretty sick and we think his dad may have caught the bug as well. We made the decision to leave in hopes of getting the guys some rest and to spare the others from germs. I knew leaving early was definitely the right thing to do but part of me was wishing we could stay. I had been looking forward to this weekend for weeks. I knew there would be multiple sets of hands around wanting to help with Elyse and I was really excited about seeing everyone and having some time to socialize. We don't typically do much for the Super Bowl either so I thought it would be exciting to be with such a large group of fun people for the game.

We arrived home Sunday afternoon and we were very tired. It has always amazed me how exhausting riding in a car can be. After unpacking and getting some laundry going we laid low the rest of the day and enjoyed spaghetti and salad as our Super Bowl dinner. Watching the game curled up together in our pajamas turned out to be the perfect fit after all.

Hurry

Throughout the last year a reoccurring lesson that has presented itself on more than one occasion is the need to slow down and not be in such a hurry. There are times I consider myself rushed, but as a whole I don't feel like someone who is always in a hurry but I know I definitely have room to improve and slow down.

Thursday evening I was driving in Tampa rush hour traffic and while at a red light I let a couple of cars over into my lane that needed to turn. We were hardly moving anyway so those two cars were not going to make a difference. I glanced in my rear view mirror and the driver behind me had her hands in the air and was visibly yelling over what I had just done. A few minutes later another (we still hadn't moved in the traffic) car pulled up next to me, rolled his window down and asked if I could leave enough space for him to pull into the shopping plaza. I smiled and told him of course I could. Well you wouldn't believe the words and gestures of the driver behind me when she saw that car pull in front of me. I'm sure she assumed I was letting him in front when in reality I was just letting him pass through. She was livid, started honking her horn and even at the distance I was I could see how visibly tense she was with her hands clenched tightly. At first I wanted to chuckle but ultimately I felt sorry for her. Her anger, words, gestures and honking got no one anywhere any faster and in the same regard nothing I did got us there any more slowly. As we finally made the turn she made a big point to press her gas and speed around me, narrowly missing my bumper. It must feel terrible to be consumed by feelings like that, I know, I've been there. It was never about traffic and it didn't happen very often but there have definitely been times my temper and emotions would get the best of me. I recognized it several years ago and have made a conscious effort ever since. It's just not worth it. Hurry, anger, being too quick to speak, letting emotions run rampant.......they are thieves. They steal joy and my joy is not theirs to take.

I genuinely hurt for her because I know what the inability to control your emotions feels like. Her emotions controlled her, she did not control them and that's a sad place to be. I was so grateful for the calm I felt in that situation. Not a calm about the traffic or my need to get somewhere (I did happen to be running late), but an overall calm knowing the situation with the traffic or the driver was just not worth getting flustered. I don't think I truly recognized how far I had come or how much ownership I finally had over myself until I saw how lost and frantic she looked and I prayed for her. You don't forget feeling like that and I'm thankful to say I can't remember the last time I did.

Or headbands

Okay, so the bows aren't staying in very well just as I anticipated. A friend of mine sent Elyse some new headbands from her site http://www.girliebows.com/ and this one is my new favorite. I met her when I took care of daughter in the NICU and every now and then she sends me goodies which we are very thankful for.























I can't put in a plug for her without mentioning a close friends website as well, http://www.littlebowpeepsbowtique.com/. Both girls make amazingly cute products and are absolutely wonderful to work with! :)

Time for bows!

I didn't expect to be getting these fake smiles for the camera quite so soon, but that is one fake smile. Perhaps she isn't as thrilled about the hair bow as I am. Her blonde hair is so fine and thin and she seems to have much more of it than what appears to the eye. I have been unable to get clip bows to stay in it and I just LOVE little girls in bows. Well today I gave it another shot and voila, it stayed! I'm sure she will figure out how to pull it out soon enough so I'm just going to enjoy it for now.

Repeat

This was the best weekend we have had in awhile. Do you ever feel like you just achieve that balance, that seamless and ripple-free flow that leaves you craving for more days just like that? If life were a CD player and this weekend were a song, I would have gladly pressed the repeat button. Some days when I know what's coming but would rather not deal with it I would love to press "skip", and other days when things seem mundane I would like to be able to press "shuffle" in hopes of adding a little spontaneity and spark to my day. But as for this weekend, the repeat button would win and it didn't necessarily look like it would turn out that way.

By the time Matt got home from work Friday I was quite disheveled. He made it home just in time to inhale some dinner and change his clothes before we needed to leave for small group. I tend to allow those nights to overwhelm me. I need to be ready, Elyse needs to be ready, dinner needs to be ready and I feel like I need to have a clean house for the sitter (silly I know). So there I go, scurrying around like crazy just to look like I have it together. It isn't just the look though, I genuinely want to have it together. I would like to figure out how to have a better flow for evenings like that and I'm going to work on it. Even if I don't perfect it, I can always change my attitude over the fact that it wasn't all together. However, it was far from together that night.

Matt's hours have been long, very long and it appears the traveling may pick up again too. I could have really used a hand Friday night and although I knew he got home the soonest he could, it wasn't in time to save me from drowning in my own sea of expectations. I try very hard to support Matt and encourage him. His job is a blessing and I know that, but the seemingly endless long hours got the best of me on Friday and with tear-filled eyes I expressed it. I'm glad we talked about it and although things probably won't change right away I feel better just knowing he knows. I try not to that to him. His job is very demanding and clients always seem to want such in such done yesterday even if he just got the information today. It's a career of deadlines, pressure and as a friend would say, "cranky suits". Cranky suits sums it up just about right to me and knowing that he faces those suits all day long I try my hardest not to be the "cranky sweats" at home. Our home is not a place for that. I will not allow it to be a place for that. This needs to be his soft place to land, a place of rest and solace where the worries of corporate demands and cranky suits can be politely left at the door and he is very good at that. He handles the stress, hours and demands beautifully. I admire his ability to separate the two worlds and be 100% present when he is home with us and the last thing he needs is added pressure from me about things that simply cannot be changed right now.

We made it to small group in one piece and later on in the evening I was able to honestly and openly share what had just occurred. I love our group. I love that we feel comfortable enough to do that. To be doing life together vulnerable and open is such a blessing and I'm realizing more and more why God desires us to be in community with one another. Proverbs 27:17 (As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another) becomes so apparent in those situations.

Saturday rolled around and we were both able to go to the gym in the morning which is our favorite way to start the day when possible. Then my mom arrived to watch Elyse while we worked with Hope Builds Homes to help in assembling 4 homes for families in our area who are currently homeless. It was raining pretty heavily and we only carried a little lumber and hammered a few nails but witnessing the whole thing was incredible. We arrived for the afternoon shift to the smell of lumber and the sound of hammers who's mission of constructing a home was being achieved just one nail at a time. Seeing bible verses written in marker on what would become the interior walls of homes for people who likely haven't had much hope lately was inspiring. They may never read the scriptures on those planks but the Word of God will reside in those walls and the prayers that anointed those beams will forever be a part of its construction. There were men, women, children and teens. 543 people came out that day and despite how thin our time can be stretched I'm so glad we went and I hope we can be involved in more things like this in the future.

Despite the rain and because of the large number of volunteers the projects were completed ahead of schedule and since we had a sitter we did a little shopping before coming home. We spent some time with my mom and Elyse before showering and getting dressed for our date night. I hadn't taken a shower without a baby monitor or actual baby in the bathroom in quite some time and I enjoyed the ability to linger in the warm water longer than usual. We were able to buy a $50 gift certificate for $20 at Catch 23 so that's where we ate dinner. It was also where we had our first actual date so any time we make it back there it's a treat. It's amazing how slow we pace our way through dinner when it's just the two of us now. We took our time with the banana bread, followed by the seared ahi tuna appetizer and caesar salads before our main course. I had the macadamia encrusted Sea Bass which was amazing. Before heading home we stopped by a nearby new Irish restaurant/pub to see what it was like and got into bed a little after 11pm. It was a wonderful day with a balance of service, family, food, and time together. Anytime I can get all of that seamlessly mixed into one well-balanced day I am grateful.

I always appreciate the slow pace of Sundays and the calm it allows me to feel before the storm of Monday arrives. After church we went out to lunch and went to the mall after Elyse's nap. I baked some chicken wings which turned out pretty good and we topped off the night with a movie and ice cream on the couch. The added bonus was that Elyse went to bed at 6:45pm last night and didn't get up until after 8am today which gave me 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. There is no better way to start the week and I'm going to need it because I'm usually quite disheveled again by Friday.

Dishes are done and I'm in the middle of several loads of laundry. Next will be the grocery store and tidying up around the house. Mondays are always chore filled days for me but after a weekend like this one, I don't mind at all.